Separation: list of things to consider/sort out?

sweaty_betty

Hi there - I was wondering if anyone has a list or suggestions for the practical things that need to be done when you separate from your partner? A friend is going through this at the moment and it's a pretty emotional time, so not always possible to come up with everything on your own...

I guess there's things like:
- tax credits (is this family/child tax credits?) and any benefits you're entitled to (can you organise this by 'phone?)
- sorting out custody of children, what are the pros/cons to shared custody, as opposed to one person having custody and one having access?
- deciding if you're going to sell the house or one person will stay there. I'm under the impression that the person who has custody of the children often keeps the house (finances allowing), but how does this work if both parents have joint custody?
- is it best to sort things out under a proper separation arrangement with solicitors? I'm guessing this would make it simpler when/if you get to the divorce stage, or is it unnecessary?
- how is it decided who pays for childcare while both parents are working?
- is there a rule of thumb for how much child/ex-spouse maintenance is paid and is the spouse maintenance mostly paid by the partner who earned the most money?

As you can see, I don't have much idea when it comes to this, so any other thoughts on the things to consider would be gratefully received.

TIA

jinnywren

Bumping this up.
I'd be interested in replies!

kingfisherblue

Tax credits - any joint claim has to be closed down and a new, single claim opened by the parent who has the children most of the time (PWC - parent with care). Child benefit is also usually paid to the PWC.

Custody - wasn't an issue in my case - my ex started a new family and moved out of the area.

House - again, I'm not going to be much help. I am PWC and have the house, but it has been adapted for my disabled son. I had to go to court, though, as ex was trying to force me to sell and wanted to leave me with nothing.

Solicitor - we didn't separate, we went straight for a divorce. I think it would be better to have some involvement from a solicitor who specialises in family law, though, when there are children. That way, both parties can be properly advised and it is less likely to become messy when a divorce takes place.

Childcare - the PWC may get up to 70% of the costs of childcare through tax credits, so I would think the PWC should pay.

Maintenance - the NRP (non-resident parent) usually pays maintenance. This is generally 15% of net income for one child, 20% for two children, and 25% for three or more children. If the NRP is living in a household with children (for example, a new partner who has children), the same percentages are disregarded before maintenance is worked out. In my case, my ex has one child with his new partner. He keeps the first 15%, then pays 20% of the remaining amount for our two younger children (our oldest is now 20, so she is no longer a dependant). The amount classed as income can include tax credits. If the NRP has the children one night a week (at least 52 nights a year), the amount is reduced by one seventh. For at least 104 nights a year, it is reduced by two sevenths. Child maintenance must be declared if PWC is on benefits, but benefits are no longer reduced if maintenance is received.

HTH

kingfisherblue

Just a couple of things to add - non-payment of child maintenance (CM) does not mean that the PWC can refuse to let the NRP see the children. People often think that access and CM are linked, but they are not.

I would also inform the children's school, just in case there is a change in their behaviour. The NRP might want to request copies of reports.

Check who is the registered keeper of any family cars - and check the insurance as well, in case it needs changing.

Try to keep other things in the children's lives as normal as possible - don't keep them away from Brownies, swimming, etc. They need their regular routine and might feel punished if they can't attend regular groups that they belong to.

The PWC usually makes decisions regarding child's health, schooling, etc, but obviously it is better if both parents agree on these things.

Keeping a good relationship with in laws can be really important, especially if the children see their grandparents regularly.

If there are any debts, try to sort them out. In my case, there was a single credit card with my ex's car insurance on (about £300). He agreed to pay it, but a few months later, he showed me a CC bill of over £4000 that he had run up since leaving. By the time my (very messy!) divorce got to court, he was more than £24500 in debt. My solicitor requested that he signed to state that he had run up these debts after leaving me - luckily the paperwork proved that apart from the original £300 for the car insurance, all debts had been racked up since he left.

Reassure the children that it isn't their fault - they often think that if they hadn't been naughty/asked for too many toys/been cheeky, etc, daddy or mummy wouldn't have left. just explain that mum and dad don't love each other any more, but that both still love the children.

Never badmouth the ex in front of the children, no matter how tempting or how annoyed you are - it just isn't fair on the kids.

ETA - decide what to do about life insurances, especially those for mortgages. There is a difference between joint tenants and tenants in common. One is when the other person on the mortgage automatically inherits the house if the other person dies, but I can never remember which one it is.

Also remember to change wills - a will becomes invalid on divorce.

Council tax - there is a 25% rebate if there is only one adult in the household, but it has to be applied for.

Bills might have to be changed from one person's name to the other. The NRP might want to redirect post, but this costs. If things are amicable, the PWC (assuming that they are remaining in the marital home) can pass post onto their ex.

Close joint bank accounts and open a single one - if either parent is going to claim benefits, they will need a single bank account to have any benefit paid into. You can also open a Post Office account, but cannot pay any bills via direct debit from these.

Any direct debits will need to be changed to the correct account, but banks will often do this when a new account is set up.