Social Worker Problems :'(

StressedAndDepressed

I've been a lurker for a long time (sorry!), but I've registered to see if someone can hopefully give me some advice before I go out of my mind with worry .
Ok, the basis is this - Back in 2005 my health visitor involved social services because I refused to agree to my younger child needing speech therapy and asked to be allocated a different health visitor (yes I know that sounds trivial but it's the truth!). Anyway social services made a home visit we spoke to them, showed them around our home, had them check our cupboards for food :eek: and even go through our clothes drawers :eek: ans I have never felt so humiliated in all my life purely over a disagreement with a health visitor!
Anyway roll onto this year and again we had another visit, this time because my older son's "friend" was claiming that my son was never fed, had no clothes and no bed :eek:, needless to say same thing happened again, all through the house, cupboards, drawers, etc! They made a report and we were told that everything was fine, no reason for any action and case was over, thank goodness we thought!
BUT no! roll on 6 months and our son (who is now 17) comes home from school saying social worker has been back again asking about his bio dad and saying they want him to have his own flat!! So we leave it a couple of days, no contact so we ring them to ask what is going on?! The answer has left us both flabbergasted! We have now been told the 2005 case was made dormant not closed?! And they re-opened it because our son has not been to the doctors in 6 years!!! , they want to know why he has not seen his bio dad (erm, ask his bio dad he's the one who walked out!), and they have admitted that they discussed his options for living in a flat that we would be expected to pay for if he doesn't want to live at home anymore!
Now we have an appointment to speak to her next Friday after she accused us of refusing to co-operate after we asked to meet away from our home, not going through that humiliation again! As far as I can see surely this is not a normal way for social services to operate?
Apologies for the length of the post but I'm at a lost and do not understand what is going on!

Ada_Doom

Think the best think to do when dealing with ss is keep the channels of comminications open and keep calm! Know its easier said than done when it concerns your children. They obviously have concerns, as they do not get involved with families for no reason. Why do they think your 17 year old should get his own flat?Has he contacted them? All I can suggest is going to all meetings they plan, and I can see why you would not want to meet them at your house but I can also see that to them that might look a bit...evasive? You have to try to work with them, hard as it might be. Ask lots of questions and be sure they give you answers. Can you take someone to the meeting with you who is good at supporting you, and who will be a calming presence? good luck

shegirl

Going through drawers isn't what they usually do or are meant to do so I'm surprised that this has happened twice...

How old are your other children?

pigpen

You dont have to let them in.
You dont have to show them around your house..

I would complain to their team leader TBH..

I have had them sent here a couple of times.. laughable reasons.. one time they didnt even know MY name.. they were sent packing.. I said if the person who reported us doesnt know my name they obviously have not seen or met my family so their allegations are obviously a complete pack of lies. They didnt get in the door. The last one said my OH is agressive.. at which I roared with laughter.. he is the least aggressive person ever.. I said I am much more aggressive and definitely the one not to cross.. i then made them rewrite their 9 pages of rubbish multiplied by the 11 people living here.. because they go my name wrong and half the childrens names wrong and mixed OH with XH.. How can they be expected to be taken seriously when they make such moronic mistakes?

I would probably not be co-operating.. it is out of order for them to suggest things to any of your children.. especially things like moving out. I would just refuse to let them in the house or speak to them.. it seems to work for those who murder their babies sadly. it costs far to much to warrant taking you to court to chase airy-fairy allegations... and if they are unfounded you have nothing to worry about!

StressedAndDepressed

Ada_Doom wrote: »

Think the best think to do when dealing with ss is keep the channels of comminications open and keep calm! Know its easier said than done when it concerns your children. They obviously have concerns, as they do not get involved with families for no reason. Why do they think your 17 year old should get his own flat?Has he contacted them? All I can suggest is going to all meetings they plan, and I can see why you would not want to meet them at your house but I can also see that to them that might look a bit...evasive? You have to try to work with them, hard as it might be. Ask lots of questions and be sure they give you answers. Can you take someone to the meeting with you who is good at supporting you, and who will be a calming presence? good luck

I have let them in, twice so far and tbh it seems odd that they want to do it yet again when they never found any problems before? I'm more than willing to work with them but I want them to explain why they are investigating and why the want my son to have his own flat. No it's not his idea, he pointed out to them that he can't pay for it as he is in 6th form but she said there are ways around that.
Evasive is how I would describe them though, they didn't contact me, I had to contact them to find out what was going on and then they were very awkward about speaking to me over the phone wanted me to travel 10 miles (I don't drive) to speak to them personally at their office yet when I said I would go next week they suddenly wanted to come to my house again!

StressedAndDepressed

shegirl wrote: »

Going through drawers isn't what they usually do or are meant to do so I'm surprised that this has happened twice...

How old are your other children?

I thought it was a little odd but I went along with it because I didn't want to appear obstructive and I've nothing to hide it was just embarrassing!

My other children are 13, 9 and 4 but they haven't bothered to speak to any of the others, even though the 13 year old is in the same school.

StressedAndDepressed

pigpen wrote: »

You dont have to let them in.
You dont have to show them around your house..

I would complain to their team leader TBH..

I have had them sent here a couple of times.. laughable reasons.. one time they didnt even know MY name.. they were sent packing.. I said if the person who reported us doesnt know my name they obviously have not seen or met my family so their allegations are obviously a complete pack of lies. They didnt get in the door. The last one said my OH is agressive.. at which I roared with laughter.. he is the least aggressive person ever.. I said I am much more aggressive and definitely the one not to cross.. i then made them rewrite their 9 pages of rubbish multiplied by the 11 people living here.. because they go my name wrong and half the childrens names wrong and mixed OH with XH.. How can they be expected to be taken seriously when they make such moronic mistakes?

I would probably not be co-operating.. it is out of order for them to suggest things to any of your children.. especially things like moving out. I would just refuse to let them in the house or speak to them.. it seems to work for those who murder their babies sadly. it costs far to much to warrant taking you to court to chase airy-fairy allegations... and if they are unfounded you have nothing to worry about!

My husband said he will register a complaint once it's all cleared up, I would love to tell them where to go but I just want them to see that my son is fine in his home with his family and doesn't need to move anywhere, oh and I'm also a scaredy cat when it comes to people in authority .

StressedAndDepressed

Ada_Doom wrote: »

All I can suggest is going to all meetings they plan, and I can see why you would not want to meet them at your house but I can also see that to them that might look a bit...evasive? Y

But that's the thing, they didn't arrange a meeting, they didn't even bother to contact me, I phoned up to find out why they went to school to see my son and that's when they accused me of failing to co-operate if I didn't let them come to my home. What they forget is that they never asked me to co-operate in the first place or explained what is meant to be going on.

Oldernotwiser

StressedAndDepressed wrote: »

Back in 2005 my health visitor involved social services because I refused to agree to my younger child needing speech therapy

Why would you object to this?

StressedAndDepressed

Sorry I wasn't very clear before, my son had had one lot of speech therapy and had been signed off by the therapist but the health visitor was insistent that he need more.

snookey

Hi have you spoken with the school to see if they have contacted social services. Its unusual for ss to speak to your son without telling you first. Also you are usually informed if they keep a file open.
Id contact a solicitor who deals in family law for advice. They could contact the ss on your behalf for an explanation of what is going on.