alzheimers support advice

moneyspender1981

Hi,

I wondered if anyone can give me some advice pls

My grandmother has alzheimers and is currently cared for by my 80 year old grandad. They are both extremely fit and healthy and walk miles each day.

She is currently on medication and someone comes out approx every 4 months to check on her.

My Gransfather copes really well, but lately its getting to much, she is trying to leave the house and go for a walk, yet he goes out with her atleast 4 times a day but its not enough for her.

When he says she cant go out as it;s dark and raining etc, she has started becoming extremly aggressive, and he has marks on his arms from her.

There is no talking to her as she unfortunately can't remember what you said five mins later, even when she speaks it makes no sense.

She is happy in herself normally, and fine with me.. but its to much for my grandad, and he is to proud to ask for help

the carer who came out filled in forms for carers allowance to get help but 8 months later she turned up and said they must have been lost, and he now has to got o age concern to redo them.

He is to proud to ask for help, and when I say he should ring the care person... he just says I will tell her next time she comes.

I am now stepping in, as he is I guess being physically injured.... yet she cant remember doing it.

I'm just lookign for some advice what to do, anyones experience and what could we do, who I can call,

any help appreciated.

trigger2

Hi

I remember my mum trying to help my grandad when he got aggressive, it can be quite frightening. I feel for your situation.

http://alzheimers.org.uk/site/index.php

Hope that link works. It looks to have some good information and there is a helpline you can phone.

It may be worth trying nhs direct (England) or nhs24 if you're in Scotland. They could give more general advice. The other thing you could do is see the gp. I appreciate is a difficult time and it can be hard to admit you need help. Please don't feel you're failing her, you need to ensure both she and your grandfather are safe.

I hope this has been some help. You're not alone, there are many families coping with this condition. ((hugs))

Regards

Trigger

Outer_Limits

It certainly sounds like 4 months is too long a gap now, doesn't it? I don't know if it is the same in all areas, but in some the Mental Health Team are keen to come out to assess the carer's needs before the situation gets out of hand. They may be able to put you or your granddad in touch with volunteers who will come and sit (maybe even walk) with your grandmother to give him a rest. She may be able to attend a day-centre.

It is very hard to watch this happening to someone you have known and loved all your life, I'm sorry you're going through it. You are right to get things moving - the strain can make the partner who is caring go downhill suprisingly rapidly, which ends up with both in need of care. If it is possible to talk to your grandmother's GP they may be a good link to help.

Have you looked into Power of Attorney? There are some helpful threads on mse and this site is good: www.publicguardian.org.uk Sorry - don't want to be depressing, but it takes a while to arrange, so you need to consider whether it's necessary pretty soon.

Good luck.

melancholly

i'd also second the suggestion to sort out power of attorney asap - it has to be done before it's needed iyswim. think about it for your grandfather too - it may well be too late for your grandmother since she has a dementia diagnosis so won't be in 'sound mind' to make the decision. (the pragmatics of this are so hard but worth dealing with).

age uk (which is age concern and help the aged combined - they rebranded not so long ago as one charity) or the alzheimer's society have great sources of info. it may be worth you going along to appointments to hear what is actually said and to make sure that the psychiatrist hears the whole picture (i assume it will be under old age psychiatry - plus it's good for them to hear more about what's going on because your grandmother won't be able to tell them and your grandfather sounds like he'll paint the best picture possible).

getting more help may cause a row with your grandparents.... at a certain point upsetting them over it becomes overshadowed by concern over their welfare. sometimes it takes a row to get things in motion. it'll be difficult, especially when there is aggressive behaviour. you have to hold onto the fact that you're acting in their best interests and that they won't always (or indeed often) appreciate it. this is an awful situation to have to watch up close - i can only pass on my sympathy and say how great it is that you're seeing past the behaviour that's being caused by the disease and wanting to help.

you may get more responses on the over 50s board - or have a search there as i think they have quite a few people going through this type of thing with their parents.

good luck with it - this will be incredibly tough on your grandfather so support him all you can.