'Making' my nephew homeless

notechno

My nephew hasn't had the best of lives. His Dad (my brother) and his Mum have never really given a damn about him (they split up when he was only quite young). I've always been the one to look out for him, take him in, lend him money, feed him up etc. But I too have now had enough.

He's 21, doesn't work (lost a good job earlier this year because of poor attendance) and has nowhere to live (lost a nice council flat earlier this year because of having parties/ making a lot of noise). He's also not receiving JSA after they put him on sanctions for not attending a work-focused interview. So I am not defending him any, he has only himself to blame for the position he finds himself in.

I've taken him in countless times, only for him to steal from me, abuse my hospitality by eating and drinking everything in sight, and lying his way through life. My family have been angry with me the past few times I've let him stay because they believe (and I do agree with them now) that I am enabling him to just carry on drifting.

I've really tried to help, but I woke up this morning to my possessions having been gone through, and him having helped himself to whatever he fancied. So I have told him he has to go. It also isn't fair on my 13yr old son who is living in the midst of all this. So, does anyone know where my nephew stands from here?

He has been on Shelter's website, but has told me that the phone lines close at 5:30pm on a Sunday. So I have said he can stay tonight, and he will have to leave in the morning with me when I go out to work. Do you know if Shelter will help him, or if anyone will assist him with housing (albeit however temporary) given that, in essence, he has made himself homeless? He is begging and pleading and telling me that I and my home are all he has, but is that legally the case, does anyone know? Will any of the authorities be willing/able to help him?

princessdreamer

He chose to end up with nothing it is up to him to sort himself out.

jamespir

as a lad of 21 with no benefits or income he is basically screwed you could talk to the council about him going to a homlless shelter but as he does not really have a priority then they may not help

j.e.j.

I'm not sure but I think depending on the area where you live some councils may be willing to allow him to apply for housing again. Presumably in the meantime he'd have to go into temp accommodation. Some councils however are a bit more.. strict shall we say, and would take the view that he has made himself intentionally homeless.

Shelter would be a good place for him to start.

Emmzi

I'm so sorry he has abused your trust like this.

Really, he is an adult and it is his issue. I just wanted to ask you not to feel any guilt, because you have done all you can.

dirtysexymonkey

notechno wrote: »

My nephew hasn't had the best of lives. His Dad (my brother) and his Mum have never really given a damn about him (they split up when he was only quite young). I've always been the one to look out for him, take him in, lend him money, feed him up etc. But I too have now had enough.

He's 21, doesn't work (lost a good job earlier this year because of poor attendance) and has nowhere to live (lost a nice council flat earlier this year because of having parties/ making a lot of noise). He's also not receiving JSA after they put him on sanctions for not attending a work-focused interview. So I am not defending him any, he has only himself to blame for the position he finds himself in.

I've taken him in countless times, only for him to steal from me, abuse my hospitality by eating and drinking everything in sight, and lying his way through life. My family have been angry with me the past few times I've let him stay because they believe (and I do agree with them now) that I am enabling him to just carry on drifting.

I've really tried to help, but I woke up this morning to my possessions having been gone through, and him having helped himself to whatever he fancied. So I have told him he has to go. It also isn't fair on my 13yr old son who is living in the midst of all this. So, does anyone know where my nephew stands from here?

He has been on Shelter's website, but has told me that the phone lines close at 5:30pm on a Sunday. So I have said he can stay tonight, and he will have to leave in the morning with me when I go out to work. Do you know if Shelter will help him, or if anyone will assist him with housing (albeit however temporary) given that, in essence, he has made himself homeless? He is begging and pleading and telling me that I and my home are all he has, but is that legally the case, does anyone know? Will any of the authorities be willing/able to help him?

i think youve done absolutely the right thing. you gave him a home and now hes a proper adult hes abused you and your home so he has to go. for the sake of your child at the very least!

it worries me that you say your family being angry with you, they should be angry at you disgusting brother and his ex wife. they should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves for allowing their child to become this. youve tried to help him and he keeps letting you down, hardly surprising given his start in life but enough is enough. maybe a spell in the real world will do him good.

desert_rose

I'd be tempted to take him down the nearest Army recruitment offices and get them to sign him up - if they will!

He needs to learn some self discipline and to understand that there are boundaries that you just don't cross.

Its a very sad situation.

thorsoak

He is 21 years old. You are not making your nephew homeless - he has done this himself by his actions. Until he learns that actions equal consequences, he will remain in this situation, and will continually throw himself on your mercy/compassion again and again.

You have to help him - by making him go. Ensure that he does not have a key when he leaves ....if you aren't sure whether or not he might have made a copy of your key, then you should change the locks...sounds harsh - but otherwise, he will be back, taking advantage of you again.

You have to cut him loose this time - until he learns, you are doing him no favours whatsoever!

Mrs_P_Pincher

I believe he should get temporary accommodation while the LA decide whether he is intentionally homeless.

Other than that, I agree with everyone else. Your home, your rules and if he doesn't abide by them, then he has to go.

Tough love is the only way, otherwise you are merely facilitating his continued bad behaviour.

We're a hard lot aren't we, but I suspect many of us have been in situations where this has been applied to us and learnt from it.

Mrs P P

Savvy_Sue

Few other places who may be able to help him: short term do you have a NightStop? Or what about a Foyer?

NightStop is a short-term solution, not a long term one. I don't know if he'd get into a Foyer, he'd certainly need to show a a willingness to act constructively.

Did he get any support in his tenancy? Sounds like either he would need it, or he didn't take it seriously.

I agree that tough love is the way to go. He has a choice: he's had a raw deal, but he can either carry on trading on that, or move on.

meritaten

hun - It is time for 'tough love'. instead of being grateful to you for all you have done for him, he lies and steals from you. Time now to show him the error of his ways. You love him, I get that - BUT and its a big BUT, he has to learn that HE is in charge of his life, not you! he is an adult so he has to behave as one.
Yes, you have to kick him out - NO you dont have to arrange alternative accomodation for him!
If your family are so horrified at you - then let one of THEM take him in!