I can't afford to go to hen night :(

messyfreckle

It's my future sister-in-law's hen night on Saturday - we're doing a spa thing, where we have access to a spa for the afternoon to chill out and swim etc. We each have 1 30 min treatment booked and dinner afterwards. My sister (the bridesmaid) called me yesterday to check I was still available for it (it was all kinda last minute) and she said it's going to be £90 for the afternoon, not including drinks.

The thing is...I can't afford it. I've already paid out nearly £200.00 on this wedding (I made the invites, table numbers, place names etc and also made a beaded hair comb for the bride and a few mini beaded clasps for the bridesmaid, as well as buying my dress, shoes etc and their wedding present). I'm in debt as it is and am trying my hardest to get myself out of it.

I just can't afford the cost of the hen do. But there are only 4 of us going (including the bride) so I kinda have to go. It is just going to leave me very very very broke for the rest of the month, and a big step back in regards to my debt i'm trying to clear.

I just...how would you approach this? There's no 'cost-cutting' way of doing it - it's all booked, and my sister has already got a discount on the price for us.

I can't join them just for the meal, as it's in the New Forest and i'll need to get there (live around 40 miles away). I can get a lift with my sister if I go for the whole day, but joining them for the evening, i'll pay probs the same i'll be saving on getting a train/taxi there.

It's a nightmare

White_Sapphire

Surely the bride and groom should be reimbursing you for the costs of materials used to make the invites etc? Especially if you have bought them a present as well.

As for the outfit, is it too late to return any of it and either buy something cheaper or just wear something you already own?

RainbowDrops

Have you told your sister you cant afford it?
It's probs best to have a frank discussion about your sittuation.
It seems that the cost was sprung on you without giving you a change to budget for it.

Maybe you could go along to the spa, but not partake in any activities, or find out how much for just a swim, for example.

MaggieBaking

I would travel in with your sister, Google in advance where the nearest coffee shop/department store/library is and spend the day mooching and joining them in the evening for a meal. It may even be that the spa could have a bar or reception large enough you're able to wait in. It might be uncomfortable hanging around but I'm sure the bride will appreciate your effort.

Frankly, if you want such an expensive day you should expect some people to be unable to make it, and I think you'll obviously be sorry and will make your best effort to do what you can afford and that will be much better than just saying "can't do any of it, sorry."

messyfreckle

White_Sapphire wrote: »

Surely the bride and groom should be reimbursing you for the costs of materials used to make the invites etc? Especially if you have bought them a present as well.

As for the outfit, is it too late to return any of it and either buy something cheaper or just wear something you already own?

The majority of the invite stuff they bought themselves and passed to me to make. But there were a few packs of card, a tube of glue, printer ink etc that I bought that hasn't been reimbursed. For the hair comb, she (the bride) bought the majority of the beads and wire etc, but I needed a few extra bits which I went and bought myself. The present i've got them is a cross stitch which i'm currently making and then will need to get framed, at extra expense.

Re outfit - it's already as cheap as I can get it! I don't own any dresses or stuff like that - i'm not a girly girl at all! Bought a dress from Dorothy Perkins for £38, shoes for £15, decent bra, tights and shrug too.

Urgh it's just a nightmare. Thank god my parents are paying for my room at the hotel for the wedding and are giving me a lift there else i'd really be screwed!

messyfreckle

RainbowDrops wrote: »

Have you told your sister you cant afford it?
It's probs best to have a frank discussion about your sittuation.
It seems that the cost was sprung on you without giving you a change to budget for it.

Maybe you could go along to the spa, but not partake in any activities, or find out how much for just a swim, for example.

I told my sister last night on the phone that it was more than I thought it was going to be and that it was going to be a struggle. She doesn't understand though as she works at a hotel and lives in hotel accommodation free of charge. Doesn't pay rent, bills...nothing. So what she earns is hers to keep.

None of my family know i'm in debt - i've done quite well so far getting myself as far out of it as I have, but still have a small way to go (£750 left to pay off) so telling them I can't afford it won't go down well.

I think i'm just gonna have to suck it up and just do it. Thought of saying it's TOTM so can't do swimming and jacuzzi's etc so I get out of half of it. Or just feigning a migraine and getting out of the whole day.

But i'd feel awful for lying and letting people down. Meh. Just gonna have to splash out the cash and do it.

brook_son

I think I would tell your sister or parents and ask if you can borrow the money then pay it back in smaller amounts.

the problem is also the meal and drinks that are not included in the price. Does your sister know your cash flow problems?

Just seen your last post - have you got long to save up?

messyfreckle

MaggieBaking wrote: »

I would travel in with your sister, Google in advance where the nearest coffee shop/department store/library is and spend the day mooching and joining them in the evening for a meal. It may even be that the spa could have a bar or reception large enough you're able to wait in. It might be uncomfortable hanging around but I'm sure the bride will appreciate your effort.

Frankly, if you want such an expensive day you should expect some people to be unable to make it, and I think you'll obviously be sorry and will make your best effort to do what you can afford and that will be much better than just saying "can't do any of it, sorry."

The thing is, the bride doesn't want this at all! My sister, the bridesmaid, was supposed to organise something, and wanted a spa day. The bride actually wanted an adventure day, segway racing or something fun.

Oh I don't know. Thanks for all your suggestions, but I think i'm just gonna have to do it and cut back once the wedding is over.

Cheers guys x

wanchai_2

You have my sympathy OP.

I am so organising my own hen party!!! I have heard too many of these stories - the bride wants something cheap and cheerful and the BM organises a big spa day/night in a hotel/swanky meal etc. Friends then feel resentful at the cost and don't go, ah what a nightmare!

It's more important to me that all my friends and future SILs are there! My hen do will be as cheap as poss and hopefully everyone will have a ball and not be out of pocket!

White_Sapphire

I agree wanchai! My MoH will be organising my hen, but we will try to sort out a budget beforehand and give people loads of notice.

It's very unfair to spring a £90+ hen do with no notice - veryfew people can afford that without planning for it.

Idiophreak

A bit torn on this...on the one hand I think "just suck it up"...This is, hopefully, a once in a lifetime thing - and there aren't enough people going that you won't be missed - so just go.

On the other hand, I knew a couple of guys couldn't afford my stag, so completely understood that they couldn't come....but I think that's the key thing...I knew they couldn't afford it. I see you have two options, really: 1) Just go. 2) Tell her about your financial problems. If you don't go, and she thinks you could afford it, she's probably going to be upset...