I can't afford to go to hen night :(

messyfreckle

Brighton_belle wrote: »

This is so frustrating - because it never ever used to be 'the thing to do' at all 20/25 yrs ago - someone started the fashion and now everyone seems to be pressured in to it 'becasue it is the done thing. I don't don't know one bride who had a fab time on their hen do. Weddings shouldn't be about costing your family/friends the earth.

I am getting married this friday. I am not having a hen do. I have not missed out - I am being sent lots of lovely texts by my girlfriends every day counting down the days, I am seeing two for lunch tomorrow. The wedding is the time I will celebrate my geting married with them!

That's exactly the way i'd do it. Hen do isn't a major 'must' for me. I'd rather see everybody on the wedding day and do it that way.

Each to their own, I guess.

floss2

messyfreckle wrote: »

Unfortunately there's no time to negotiate now. My sister is the only bridesmaid and has sole responsibility in organising it. As her, my mum and the bride had no objections, it was booked and I was told last night...

Have you spoken to the bride and to your mum? TBH, if you can't afford to go, you should be giving your apologies to the bride, not to your sister (it's not her wedding )

If you decide to go to keep the peace, why not accept that you may not make your DFD quite as soon as you would like, set it back by a month or so, and then try to relax about the unexpected costs. These things happen - if it's not a wedding it will be a car repair or dental bill!

Idiophreak

messyfreckle wrote: »

That's exactly the way i'd do it. Hen do isn't a major 'must' for me. I'd rather see everybody on the wedding day and do it that way.

Each to their own, I guess.

Sorry, I feel compelled to defend one of my favourite new traditions

Personally, I find it hard to imagine me saying "I've had too much fun" or "I've spent too much time with my friends"...My Mrs could probably have done without a hen, I *could* have done without a stag...But I don't see why we *would* have...another chance to be surrounded by people you love, having fun...I'll take any excuse that's going!

FWIW, I've been to three stags (including my own), my Mrs has been to five hens...and we, and the bride/groom, have always had the most fantastic time...I don't know how Brighton belle's friends have all managed to go so wrong.

Also, I firmly believe that weddings are better for having had a stag and hen do before hand. It gives different groups of people a chance to get a little "social" before the big day - so they all know each other and are ready to party without fear of embarrassing themselves in front of people they don't know...

wanchai_2

Idiophreak wrote: »

Sorry, I feel compelled to defend one of my favourite new traditions

Personally, I find it hard to imagine me saying "I've had too much fun" or "I've spent too much time with my friends"...My Mrs could probably have done without a hen, I *could* have done without a stag...But I don't see why we *would* have...another chance to be surrounded by people you love, having fun...I'll take any excuse that's going!

FWIW, I've been to three stags (including my own), my Mrs has been to five hens...and we, and the bride/groom, have always had the most fantastic time...I don't know how Brighton belle's friends have all managed to go so wrong.

Also, I firmly believe that weddings are better for having had a stag and hen do before hand. It gives different groups of people a chance to get a little "social" before the big day - so they all know each other and are ready to party without fear of embarrassing themselves in front of people they don't know...

I agree. I will defo be having a hen party, but it can be as cheap or expensive as the participants want! Mine will be cheap so that everyone can afford it (and not be resentful about the extra cost on top of attending the wedding) and lots of fun!

I have been to about a dozen hen parties/weekends, the cheapest ones are usually the best as there are no fancy expectations and everyone is in a good mood because it doesn't cost a lot! The dearer ones are often fraught with tension due to the cost x

Brighton_belle

Idiophreak wrote: »

Sorry, I feel compelled to defend one of my favourite new traditions

LOL, I definitely don't want hen night banned Idiophreak:D.
If it is your sort of thing, then it sounds tremendous fun. I was more frustrated by the obligation some felt to have one, when it wasn't really their sort of thing, or one was laid on that was too expensive for many or doing something the bride didn't want to do, as is the case in this situation.
Not everyone is the party type, and then enforced 'we must have fun' is ghastly.

No I agree - you can never have too much fun. Life should be about doing the things that make you happy/laugh. If that is a hen do then go for it.

abbecer

Go to the hen do so you don't feel guilty and then spend the next couple of weeks ebaying/car booting old unwanted items to attempt to regain some of the cash you spend. Win, win. You'll have a great time at the spa and not feel so guilty if you can make some cash to put towards your debt. xxx