I can't afford to go to hen night :(

messyfreckle

wanchai wrote: »

You have my sympathy OP.

I am so organising my own hen party!!! I have heard too many of these stories - the bride wants something cheap and cheerful and the BM organises a big spa day/night in a hotel/swanky meal etc. Friends then feel resentful at the cost and don't go, ah what a nightmare!

It's more important to me that all my friends and future SILs are there! My hen do will be as cheap as poss and hopefully everyone will have a ball and not be out of pocket!

Thanks.

Yeah the bride isn't overly fussed on a hen night and is only really doing it as it's the 'proper' thing to do. She'd much rather do an adventure day out somewhere or just go for dinner and drinks with family and friends. But my sister has ideas of her own and the bride found its easier just to go along with it! 3 of her friends from work are no longer coming to the hen party as they can't afford it. So now it's just me, my sister, my mum and the bride!

lkmc01

I had a similiar problem, my partners sister has just got married. My son was a page boy. We had to all get dressed up, then buy wedding pressie and then drinks for the evening. We were then expected to spend the night in the hotel at £90.

I spent months finding cheap stuff to make up the outfits, my dress was 75% off in evans online (plus cashback), my fascinator was debenhams sale, my shoes were borrowed, my jewellery were borrowed, my bag was a fiver from £25. My partners suit should have been £200, but we picked it up in m and s sale for £50, his shoes were borrowed. My sons page boy outfit was bought from ebay and his shoes were his new school shoes.

She wanted a metel inside microwave which must be specially coated or something. Cheapest I could find was £150!!! She got one at £40.

We didnt spend the night in the hotel, I didnt drink so drove us home and I wanted to put on a sort of taxis service for people since I wasnt drinking but my partner put his foot down on making money out of it. We borrowed £30 for drinks in the evening from my mum who is expecting it back after Christmas. I have already budgeted it in for paying her back. A pint of coke was £4.10!!!!

Good luck

messyfreckle

Idiophreak wrote: »

A bit torn on this...on the one hand I think "just suck it up"...This is, hopefully, a once in a lifetime thing - and there aren't enough people going that you won't be missed - so just go.

On the other hand, I knew a couple of guys couldn't afford my stag, so completely understood that they couldn't come....but I think that's the key thing...I knew they couldn't afford it. I see you have two options, really: 1) Just go. 2) Tell her about your financial problems. If you don't go, and she thinks you could afford it, she's probably going to be upset...

Oh totally. I do want to go and I can completely understand where your coming from. If it were MY hen do, i'd be a bit upset that people didn't come. But then i'd never organise something so expensive at such a last minute!

I'm going to go - it's the only real choice I have. I know i'll have a blast there too, it's just a case of putting money to the back of my mind until after the wedding is over (3rd Oct) and getting back on track then.

messyfreckle

lkmc01 wrote: »

I had a similiar problem, my partners sister has just got married. My son was a page boy. We had to all get dressed up, then buy wedding pressie and then drinks for the evening. We were then expected to spend the night in the hotel at £90.

I spent months finding cheap stuff to make up the outfits, my dress was 75% off in evans online (plus cashback), my fascinator was debenhams sale, my shoes were borrowed, my jewellery were borrowed, my bag was a fiver from £25. My partners suit should have been £200, but we picked it up in m and s sale for £50, his shoes were borrowed. My sons page boy outfit was bought from ebay and his shoes were his new school shoes.

She wanted a metel inside microwave which must be specially coated or something. Cheapest I could find was £150!!! She got one at £40.

We didnt spend the night in the hotel, I didnt drink so drove us home and I wanted to put on a sort of taxis service for people since I wasnt drinking but my partner put his foot down on making money out of it. We borrowed £30 for drinks in the evening from my mum who is expecting it back after Christmas. I have already budgeted it in for paying her back. A pint of coke was £4.10!!!!

Good luck

Thanks! Urgh that sounds like hell. It's horrid isn't it when we spend so long trying to do things on a budget and trying to find the cheapest of everything, only to be landed on like this with something! Pain in the !!!!.

I'm the same as you - try to budget really hard. That's why I've ended up making the wedding present as I couldn't really afford the sorta stuff they have on their wedding list (unless I wanted to look like a right scrouge and by the 'kitchen timer' at £4.00!!) My dress was bought in the sale, my shoes were from shoezone, made my own jewellery and handbag for the evening. Tried to do everything on a shoestring, but it still adds up.

I just resent paying out money on stuff i'm never going to wear again. As I've said - i'm not a dress person. I don't wear heels, don't faff around with all that. I'm most comfy in jeans and a top. Still need to find an outfit for the pre-wedding dinner (gonna scour the charity shops) and something for the meal out for hen do. Ugh.

lkmc01

messyfreckle
When I moan to my mum she says 'it wont be too expensive' but when you cant afford any expense 5p is 5p too much!!!

I intend to make my fascinator last 20 years!!!

If I ever get married if will have to be another http://www.premierinn.com/en/news/news_category/premier-inn-wedding-package-121.html deal

wanchai_2

messyfreckle wrote: »

Thanks.

Yeah the bride isn't overly fussed on a hen night and is only really doing it as it's the 'proper' thing to do. She'd much rather do an adventure day out somewhere or just go for dinner and drinks with family and friends. But my sister has ideas of her own and the bride found its easier just to go along with it! 3 of her friends from work are no longer coming to the hen party as they can't afford it. So now it's just me, my sister, my mum and the bride!

What about your future SIL's mum/sister(s)/friends? Can't any of them go? It's all your side?

RainbowDrops

messyfreckle wrote: »

3 of her friends from work are no longer coming to the hen party as they can't afford it. So now it's just me, my sister, my mum and the bride!

This actually might be an argument for looking into doing something different & strengthern your own personal argument about the cost.
It seems that your sister has excluded nearly half the party from joining in the hen celebrations by picking something pricey.
Maybe speak to the other girls & see what they would be able to do.

I would be really upset if my bridemaids had planned something that excluded some of my friends.

Brighton_belle

messyfreckle wrote: »

Thanks.

Yeah the bride isn't overly fussed on a hen night and is only really doing it as it's the 'proper' thing to do. She'd much rather do an adventure day out somewhere or just go for dinner and drinks with family and friends.

This is so frustrating - because it never ever used to be 'the thing to do' at all 20/25 yrs ago - someone started the fashion and now everyone seems to be pressured in to it 'becasue it is the done thing. I don't don't know one bride who had a fab time on their hen do. Weddings shouldn't be about costing your family/friends the earth.

I am getting married this friday. I am not having a hen do. I have not missed out - I am being sent lots of lovely texts by my girlfriends every day counting down the days, I am seeing two for lunch tomorrow. The wedding is the time I will celebrate my geting married with them!

messyfreckle

wanchai wrote: »

What about your future SIL's mum/sister(s)/friends? Can't any of them go? It's all your side?

Bride's step-mum lives at other end of the country and can't make it at such short notice. Bride's friends also live up North (Newcastle) and can't afford to travel down for the hen night and then again next weekend for the wedding. Her friends from down here all work part time and can't afford the cost of the hen do.

So really it is just all our side. She is going to have a meal out with her friends from down here who can't make it to hen night later next week, and do lunch with her family and family friends the day before the wedding so everybody 'gets a go'.

Not ideal...but hey ho!

messyfreckle

RainbowDrops wrote: »

This actually might be an argument for looking into doing something different & strengthern your own personal argument about the cost.
It seems that your sister has excluded nearly half the party from joining in the hen celebrations by picking something pricey.
Maybe speak to the other girls & see what they would be able to do.

I would be really upset if my bridemaids had planned something that excluded some of my friends.

Unfortunately there's no time to negotiate now. My sister is the only bridesmaid and has sole responsibility in organising it. As her, my mum and the bride had no objections, it was booked and I was told last night!

I don't know any of the brides friends so wouldn't be able to organise anything with them. It just seems like such a shame that a) the bride isn't really getting to do what she wanted, b) that many of her friends/family can't make it and c) that it's now tainting my view of it because of price.