Hiding debt, trying to keep it hidden and get it paid.

hiding_debt

I have been reading all the advice on different threads and I thought I would ask for some moral support! I am nearly £40.000 in debt,husband doesn't know,I can't tell him as he has been sectioned before with suicidal tendencies although he is well now depression isn't far from the surface.We have a £10.000 loan he does know about which we are a year into another 4 years left to go. I can't shave any more of my budget,we don't drink smoke or party,we do holiday once a year,he has already booked this years,its paid for but I'm struggling to save the spending money and I have to make a yealry car payment soon which I think Im going to be about £600 under,its 0%.I cleared cards and then respent,it started when he was ill,he wasn't bringing in the money and felt bad so I tried to keep the appearnence that everything was normal,it has backfired in ways I couldn't have imagined.
Ive been selling off everything I can,i shop at lidl and tesco value but Im not a bad cook so noone has noticed thank god! Anything I could pare down has been done,no sky or digital anyway,don't have contract mobiles either.
Since the beginning of this year I have not spent a penny on credit cards,have apid everything cash,i also bought a very cheap diary and now keep a spending diary whic is keeping me focused.having to keep family out of shops which isn't too bad but can't keep using the excuse of saving for holiday money for ever.any money I have saved for it has come from stuff sold off I kept a watch on the money for nothing challenge although I didn't post. I feel such a failure and a fraud as he's a good family man I just wanted to protect him and although he doesn't know I've done the opposite.

Paige

Welcome to the board, I know its hard but try not to make yourself ill over this. Many people can give you great advice here but you will need to post a SOA first. Have you got any support from family or friends to help you through this difficult time.
Sending hugs
Paige X

halloweenqueen_2

Good luck hiding, you have us on here to talk to, if you can post an SOA please do, you may not be able to see savings you can make as you are so close to the problem.

Uniscots97

You're not a failure. You're trying to protect him. I think a lot of people can relate. Why not post your SOA and we'll see how we can help.

Serialdieter

Hi and welcome to the board. I too haven't told my husband about my debts. If you can post your soa the experts on here will be able to help more. You'll get loads of moral support here and it's a good place to talk.

Here's a link to southernscousers thread for newbies. A good starting point.

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=107280

Jx

clarab_3

You are not a failure! You sound a very caring and nurturing person who's circumstances is placing you under terrible pressure. I'm sure you'll get the help you need here. As others have said, post an SOA, and perhaps read about CCCS and othe debt management charities that may be able to approach your creditors on your behalf in the post at the top of the forum.

You're in the right place.

justruth

Well done on doing so much already! I understand your reasons for not wanting to tell him about the debt, and I can't possibly fully understand your circumstances but perhaps you could ask him for help with it and tell him that way. I worry that you will have a nervous breakdown if you don't. Once you have asked him for help, perhaps then you could talk to the children. So long as he know's that you are not blaming him, but genuinely need some help you may find him very supportive and pleased of the opportunity to support you the way you have supported him.

Once you have an SOA up, and an action plan in place you can perhaps show him that you are working towards sorting it all out so that the situation doesn't feel hopeless.

As I said before I cannot possibly know your exact situation, so feel free to ignor this, however I would very much hope that you can find some help.

hiding_debt

Thanks for the support,feels better just to have told you guys!
I've managed to get the £4770 from virgin at 15.9% transferred to a M&S card,so its now 3.9% for the life of the balance.The virgin one is in little tiny pieces in a letter waiting for the balance to clear then I will post it back to them with a letter closing the account.I have managed to get a sainsburys card with a limit of £500 but that will be a free transfer on that £500 for five months then a 3% lower APR than what its on now.
Bit disappointed that I had to use my card as my wages got paid late but I have put that aside to pay into the card straight away.Had a couple of bills come in that I hadn't bargained on but also found that the car payment was later than i though so i will have enough to cover that now.
I feel i have got a bit more breathing space now and managed to avoid a family trip to supermarket,announced i was going when they were all busy and they seemed pleased not to go.Spent £30 less last week than the week before on shopping,petrol etc,spending diary is keeping me focused as well as keeping track of all the transfers and bills and aprs.just make sure i lock it away,could be explosive reading for my husband.I'm careful not to scribble in it when he's about so i don't draw attention to it.Have told family money is tight because of car payment and holiday so they have been quite good.We are also doing our bit for the envronment turning off lights and saving water so thats helping long term with the bills.

immoral_angeluk

hiding_debt wrote:

Thanks for the support,feels better just to have told you guys!
I've managed to get the £4770 from virgin at 15.9% transferred to a M&S card,so its now 3.9% for the life of the balance.The virgin one is in little tiny pieces in a letter waiting for the balance to clear then I will post it back to them with a letter closing the account.I have managed to get a sainsburys card with a limit of £500 but that will be a free transfer on that £500 for five months then a 3% lower APR than what its on now.
Bit disappointed that I had to use my card as my wages got paid late but I have put that aside to pay into the card straight away.Had a couple of bills come in that I hadn't bargained on but also found that the car payment was later than i though so i will have enough to cover that now.
I feel i have got a bit more breathing space now and managed to avoid a family trip to supermarket,announced i was going when they were all busy and they seemed pleased not to go.Spent £30 less last week than the week before on shopping,petrol etc,spending diary is keeping me focused as well as keeping track of all the transfers and bills and aprs.just make sure i lock it away,could be explosive reading for my husband.I'm careful not to scribble in it when he's about so i don't draw attention to it.Have told family money is tight because of car payment and holiday so they have been quite good.We are also doing our bit for the envronment turning off lights and saving water so thats helping long term with the bills.

Just want to say well done for taking positive steps to sort it out and I'm sure it'll all work out fine in the end.