MOH dress stress issues... what to do?

Nyankochan_2

OK so I posted a few weeks ago with a bit of a grumble about my MOH and her having lots of demands involving her kids... but concluded by saying we have talked openly and agreed on everything to our satisfaction, so it was all OK.

New development.

We spent a lot of time talking about her dress, and the fact she wanted something suitable for breastfeeding (she has two toddlers). We couldn't find anything in her size (24) and the right colour. I suggested she wear a normal bridesmaids dress for the ceremony and photos, then change into any breastfeeding-friendly dress of her choosing for the rest of the day. She was willing to do this if we couldn't come up with a better idea. Then she did (so she thought.) She would get her sister in law to custom make her a dress. I was unsure about this, as I was really worried that I might not like it when it was done. But, she assured me that her SIL is a good seamstress, and I could approve the design of the dress before she started. To keep the peace, I ageeed.

Now the dress is done.

I hate it. My MOH likes it.

Basically we chose a simple wrapover-style Debenhams ballgown as the look to base it on. SIL was going to adapt the design so it unfastened at the waist for breastfeeding access. Instead, she's just made the top incredibly baggy, so it has to be pinned together at the front to stop it gaping open. She's also added this nasty cheap-looking fabric into the top with plastic sequins. The seams are puffy and there are random pin holes here and there. I'm no clothing snob, but to me, it looks like a cheap dress from a market stall. OK, I've been planning an MSE wedding (of course), but involving getting good stuff cheap, rather than actually using cheap things. For instance, my wedding dress is a genuine Alfred Angelo, but bought from eBay for under £300. Guests won't know that. But, everyone knows the bride is responsible for choosing and paying for the bridesmaid's outfits. I hate the idea that people will look at her dress and think that's what I thought was good enough for her. Plus I will have to look at it in my wedding photos for ever after, which just makes me cringe.

So what on earth do I do? Admit I don't like it and ask her to go back to the "wear something I chose, then change into something you choose" plan, or just suck it up and say nothing? I know she can comfortably go without breastfeeding for at least three or four hours, as we sometimes go to the cinema and for a drink without the kids, so a couple of hours for the ceremony and photos shouldn't be a problem. But I don't want to offend her by saying or even implying "Your dress isn't good enough." She's my only bridesmaid so this is really important to me.

elvis86

Why on earth would you pick someone who's a size 24 and breastfeeding 2 kids as your maid-of-honour/bridesmaid?! Asking for trouble, surely...

Personally, I wouldn't have asked her.

If I had asked her, I would never have relinquished control RE the dress and I certainly wouldn't have agreed to her SIL making her one.

In your position now, I would have to say something. I couldn't bear my big day being tainted by her standing next to you in an ill-fitting potato sack with her t*t flopped out and a toddler hanging off it. Imagine the photos!:eek:

tfutcher

I personally would say that you don't like the style of the dress. It is your wedding day and you want things to be perfect.

I am having a similar issue. I am getting married July 2012 and one of my bridesmaid has a new baby and another bridesmaid will have a 5 month old at the time. On top of that I will also have a 5 month old baby. This means I can see both points of view as I will be breastfeeding at my wedding but also want to look goog.

Me and my bridesmaids are planning to express milk before we get into our dresses, this means the babies will still have breast milk but we wont need to worry about breastfeeding in our dresses.

Hope this helps xx

jemb

elvis86 wrote: »

Why on earth would you pick someone who's a size 24 and breastfeeding 2 kids as your maid-of-honour/bridesmaid?! Asking for trouble, surely...

Personally, I wouldn't have asked her.

If I had asked her, I would never have relinquished control RE the dress and I certainly wouldn't have agreed to her SIL making her one.

In your position now, I would have to say something. I couldn't bear my big day being tainted by her standing next to you in an ill-fitting potato sack with her t*t flopped out and a toddler hanging off it. Imagine the photos!:eek:

Perhaps they're best friends and have been planning OPs day since they were 12? Like me and mine.

I f I were you i'd let her know it's not quite what you had in mind. Perhaps you could get someone to make her one as she may not feel too special in that one? Her size and her need to feed the little ones are an obsticle but there are ways around it. Have youthought about a top and skirt? Perhaps like a hook and eye basque?

maggie_12

As tfutcher is going to do with herself and bridesmaid.........ask her to express her milk before the wedding! If she doesn't agree to that, be honest and say 'I'm so sorry, I really don't like the dress, I don't think you'll look nice in it, it's not flattering at all'.

It is your day. If she is still putting obstacles in the way, ask her if she would rather not be a bridesmaid!

Good luck x

laurarobby

Im a bride in july and let my MOH choose her dress but with me in tow so i could say yes or no etc. im also her MOH in sept she is having 5BM inc me, she wanted us all in the same, they are all size 12 and under im 16-18 the dress doesnt suit me at all its not flattering on me but she likes it and wants me to wear it so i will, its her day and she as asked me to be her MOH that doesnt give me the right to pick and choose what i want!
i would tell ur MOH what YOU want if she doesnt like it then tell her she'll have to step down its your day not hers!