My wife won't move out or pay.....

Robp1971

2 and a half years ago I left my marital home after finding out my wife had been having an affair for 2 years. I moved 60 miles away to be closer to work and to avoid the daily commute. I left my wife in the marital home to care for our 2 children.

After a few months I had a new partner who moved into my flat and since then she has contributed to rent and household bills, she has also helped provide for my children.

Before my wife and I separated we had remortgaged our house so that I could buy a flat in the area I worked. I was earning over £70,000.00 a year and could afford the £2000 a month mortgage payments (repayment mortgage).

When we split up I hadn't bought a flat and had to start using the £100,000 that was in this account to pay rent. My wife assured me that she wanted nothing to do with this money and that she would not take it.

My wife started seeing a solicitor and I too instructed one. My wife failed to respond to issues I raised. I received a letter from her solicitor stating that she had advised that my wife withdraw half the money from the remortgage. My wife paid her debts off, ended a finance agreement on her car, paid a deposit on a new car and booked a holiday for herself, the children and her new partner and then withdrew half the money. As I was also paying all the utilities at the marital home and her partner had moved into the house, my solicitor advised me this was not my responsibility so I cancelled all the payments for the utilities. (This was several months after I moved out so any usage by me would have been paid for).

I continued to pay the mortgage for 8 months before contacting the mortgage company and asking them to change to interest only. This reduced the payments to £600 a month however I had to furnish my flat and collect my children and take them home every other weekend in order to see them and my share of the remortgage dwindled rapidly.

I then lost my job after being pushed out and I was unemployed for 6 months. With only a small payout to live on. I had loan repayments totalling £750 a month and also credit cards that I was paying minimum payments (mainly interest) of £300 a month, car finance and rent.

I stopped paying the mortgage for 3 months but then started again when I found work although my salary was half what I earned before.

As my wife and her partner were living the house I asked that they paid if not contributed to the mortgage. My wife refused. I asked that she move out the house so that the house could be rented out as by this point it was in £80,000.00 negative equity. She refused. I asked that she moved out so that I could move in. She refused. (Prior to me asking this she had sent emails saying she hated the house and why don't I come and live there and that she will move out when she is ready, so obviously I was frustrated that she changed her mind so often).

Although I was paying the mortgage my wife went to the CSA and as they don't take a mortgage for which I have a beneficial interest in they ordered that I pay her maintenance.I stopped paying the mortgage as I could no longer afford the payments as well as maintenance.

I am currently in a situation where there are mortgage arrears and my wife is still in the house with her partner who refuse to pay for the house they live in. They won't move out or let me rent it. She wants to surrender the house or sell it. Both of which would mean she could sit in the house for longer, paying nothing and letting the arrears build up, arrears which I am jointly responsible for. The house is in negative equity and there is no way that I can afford to pay towards these arrears and the equity.

My wife and her partner aka her boss earn a joint income of over £70000.00.

Any advice would be welcomed.

2sides2everystory

Sounds like you need to finalise a divorce as soon as possible.

The main problem is that effectively what's yours is still hers too including that remortgage money which isn't actually money at all, it's debt. It's basically just a joint debt creditline which she seems to have started using to tidy up her life knowing that YOU will be contributing 70% or more because with young kids involved, 30% of anything that's left is probably the best you can expect from the financial settlement when everything including your flat and your respective pension pots is divi'd up.

The fact that they have got the CSA involved despite you having contributed so much when you were working means that the new partnership is being totally uncaring if not ruthless with you. You need to neutralise their disdain for you by getting the divorce and finances settled asap before they spend more "remortgage money" i.e. run up more debt in your name knowing that for every £1,000 they spend of it, you will ultimately pay £700 or worse.

I wasn't sure if you actually did buy your flat in the end. Maybe not. But if you did and there is equity in it then they undoubtedly have their eye on 70% of that. And if you didn't then they may ultimately have their eye on 70% of what's left of your half of the remortgage money in that account you spoke of even though they took half of the original balance.

If they are cute, they may try to hide her pension funds if she has one associated with her work. Sometimes these can be more significant than equity in houses/flats.

If you have a deferred pension from your good job, then be prepared to repel boarders with that too because they may have their eyes on 70% of the benefits. If she has a pension with her job then conversely you might expect benefit of 30% of it to figure on your side of the final balance sheet.

If you are anticipating any compensation from your employer for the loss of your job then unfortunately that will be all thrown into the 70/30 melting pot too unless somehow it doesn't get prosecuted/negotiated until well after you settle with your ex.

It is an unfortunate situation but can't be helped other than to finalise it all quickly. I might be wrong with the 70/30 indication, but either way you can't allow people who are now effectively strangers with an axe to grind against you continue with almost unrestricted access to what remains of your creditlines.

Forget any ideas of renting the property they occupy. What would be the upside of that on the final balance sheet if they are spending the rent at the rate of £700 for every £300 you see from it?

Oh and get a lawyer - not for the purposes of starting a big expensive legal fight, but for sorting this quickly. You are on a hiding to nothing and the quicker it's sorted, done and dusted before any more bitterness creeps in then the better for everyone especially the kids. Expect to pay your legal bills initially plus half of hers (something else you have no control of).

Thrugelmir

Let the house be repossessed. Your ex appears to have no interest in it. So why are you so desperately concerned about retaining it?

Little point trawling over and over old ground either. You need to make a clean break and move on.

Matryoshka

I agree. Start divorce proceedings pronto. Good luck.

CLAPTON

one needs to know the full financial details before giving any advice but from what you say you should consider bankruptcy and make a fresh start; but as I say we don't have the full financial picture

Robp1971

Thank you. The money has gone and I understand the money was part hers. I forgot to mention that the remortgage money was going to pay my rent and then as soon as I could I was going to repay it.
I'm not in a position to make myself bankrupt because of my job. I can't afford fees to go through the court to get a decision over our finances and simply can't afford to repay the debt to the mortgage company. Maybe I just just give up. Was just trying to protect my future. I'm not trying to gain just don't want to crippled by her. She can't Offer a reason as to why she shouldn't pay anything to the mortgage! Am I wrong for expecting her to pay for a roof over get head. The nitrate is less than she would have to pay in rent?

Thrugelmir

There's little one can say to help. Except start afresh. The quicker you relieve the stress and worry of the situation the better. I've been in that dark hole personally. Now I have a lot less materially. But am a million times happier.

When I'm down I always take inspiration from my late grandmother. Who lived to be 4 months shy of being a hundred. Looked after herself in her own home of 72 years till the day she died. Everyday she woke up that was enough for her. As every day was priceless. Another day to enjoy life. As tomorrow you may not.

geoffky

Believe me you will look back on these hard times and gain strength from them but for you to be able to do this you need to sort out your affairs and the quicker the better for your mental state of mind...You will have some hard decisions to make but make them you must....I wish you well and hope you get sorted and there is nothing to be afraid of by asking for help...