Should I have another baby or not?

Vickicb

I have 2 boys, aged 8 and almost 6 and I think I'd love another. BUT, I'm just getting to grips with debts built up when those two were young. I have a good job as a teacher, as does my OH, but my head says i'd like to wait a year or two before I have another baby, due to finances. My heart and my best mate say i'm getting too old and therefore I should go for it. I'm 34. What should I do?

Ruby_Pudding

I think only you can answer this question.

Vickicb

To be honest, I think posting has been cathartic (sp?? and I'm an engish teacher LOL!) and I want to do it. Still can't afford it tho!

looby75

if everyone waited until they where 100% financially secure no matter what, then the human race would die out in no time! That doesn't mean you should go head and have an another baby just because.

34 is not old and if you decide to wait 2 years 36 is not old either! my best mate had her last baby when she was 40 and her midwife told her that she wasn't the oldest mum to be she was looking after at that time by a long run.

Don't feel you have to rush into anything because of your age.

Elliesmum

looby75 wrote:

if everyone waited until they where 100% financially secure no matter what, then the human race would die out in no time! That doesn't mean you should go head and have an another baby just because.

34 is not old and if you decide to wait 2 years 36 is not old either! my best mate had her last baby when she was 40 and her midwife told her that she wasn't the oldest mum to be she was looking after at that time by a long run.

Don't feel you have to rush into anything because of your age.

I'll back up looby75. I had my first child at 36, I am now rapidly approaching 40 and we are trying for no. 2. Again if we all waited until we were financially secure then who knows what would happen................... Go with your gut instinct - it'll all work out in the end!

EM x

piglet6

I would say go for it!

Mr P and I did the "sensible" thing and waited until we were "financially secure" to start a family. Five years later and we are up against medical problems we would never have dreamed of (and these are problems that we know for a fact weren't there when we married 10 years ago...). We still have no baby, and are on long waiting lists for treatments which will, in all honesty, probably mean that it is another 2-3 years before we become parents, if at all.

Not a day goes by when I don't kick myself for waiting and putting things off...

Piglet

Vickicb

Thanks Piglet, You're right of course. I have 2 wonderful sons and feel like I'm tempting fate, but I do so want another little one.

piglet6

Sorry, it wasn't meant to come across as it did... Who knows, we may have hit other problems 10 years ago...nothing is certain in these things?!

I think what I meant was - if you want it, go for it - its sensible to wait and make sure that you are in the "right" position to be able to afford it, but I am told by friends who have kids that you "manage" no matter what, and if you already have two, I'm sure you can manage a third - you probably have the basics anyway (and does a baby know whether he/she is being dressed in pink/blue hand-me-downs anyway...?!).

Good luck, and I hope you get number 3 before too long... (I'm 34 this year, so I understand the timing fears!!).

Piglet

angelatgraceland

I totally agree with piglet myself. Too many things can go wrong if you wait until you are older. What is your gut instinct? Follow it! It may not even happen straight away so if that were the case you wouldn't want to waste precious time. Also, as your youngest is 6 I would think you dont want the ap to be much bigger agewise. You also need to consider the other end of this story-19 years from now if you got pregnant straight away, you will be 53. Young enough to enjoy an 18 yr old and enough energy to cope with the teens. Think about later as well as now. You can return to teaching or maybe even teach from home meanwhile.I had my last child(my 3rd ) at 35 and I had already decided that I didnt want any children after 36 for the reasons I have outlined. Look t the whole picture and plan how you would manage things.Good luck whatever you decide.

mh1923

If you were at a crisis point with debt in arrears and collection agents circling like vultures, I'd say no way. But it looks like you are in a stable place now. You built up debts with the first two, but you are an MSE now, and know a lot more about managing money now. You know to look for the best deals on things like diapers. You know from having two kids already what baby things you will use and won't succumb to slick marketing to convince you that you aren't a good mother if you don't buy their product. If you and your OH know this is the right decision, then you will be all the richer for having another child.

Good luck!

chocaholic110

Just to say we are in a similar position to you. We have debts but are steadily reducing them. I am also a teacher though OH isn't! Two children, the youngest has just turned eight. We decided this time last year we wold like another baby and we decided to wait not so much because of my age (I'm 32) but because OH is almost 40 and he didn't want to be a really old dad.
One year and two miscarriages later we are not really any further forward but about to start trying again (after waiting two months since last mc).
I know all circumstances are different but you really don't know what will happen until you try!