son in debt and doesn't care

make_life_easier

I have finally come to the end of my tether with how my son is in debt and does'nt give a damn about creditors. He has missed 2 payments on his car, 1 payment on car insurance, he owe money to orange mobile and to capital bank. He has a visa bill and overdraft up to the limit. It mounts up to thousands and he hasn't worked for 2 1/2 months now. He has got attitude and doesn't reply to letters or take any notice of me trying to sort out his finances. He is 21 and up until recently I have bailed him out.

I am not doing this anymore and things came to breaking point last night and I had a freaky on him and threw him out.

I am now so worried as to what the creditors will do as all the bills are at my address, but they are in his name.

I have no intentions of letting him back unless he can pull his head out of the sand and sort out his life.

What will happen, will it go against me or my credit rating, I am so upset that I can't think straight a the moment. Any advice will be much apprieciated.

hypno06

Hi, not sure what you can do about the credit rating element - someone will be along soon who can help you with that, I'm sure.

However, I do think that you have done the right thing by saying enough is enough.

At some point he has to realise the importance of all this - if what has happened here allows him to have his lightbulb moment, hopefully he will save himself from making mistakes in the future.

Be strong - give him help if he needs it of any sort except the financial bailing out sort.

Post here to get strength for yourself if you need it, your son will wake up and smell the coffee at some point.

Good luck x

cattie1

I can't be entirely sure but I think credit rating goes on the name of the person,(it does go on the address too but I live with my partner but am not married but we have different credit reports) not the address I'm am not sure though.
Also you have done the right thing ...you have to be cruel to be kind and if you keep bailing him out he is never going to learn.
good luck.

Dumyat

he's a big boy and needs to sort it out himself...tough love and all that.

CLAPTON

credit rating is about the person and not the address, but you may well be advised to get a copy of your credit report to make absolutley sure.

iolanthe07

Don't beat yourself up; you've done him a favour. You cannot be held responsible for his debts unless they are in joint names or you have signed a guarantor agreement. Just explain to his creditors that he doesn't live at your address any more; it is up to them to find him. You might want to put a notice in the local paper about not being responsible for his debts (if he has the same surname as you) just to cover yourself.

jm28cardiff

Ive had lots of letters to my flat from different financial institutions and debt collectors, all for the previous owner of the flat. Whenever I have rung them up, they all say its done on the name of the person. My credit report was fine too, no association with this other person. As you obviously have the same surname as your son, maybe that will make a difference, I dont know.

chuckles1066

CLAPTON wrote:

credit rating is about the person and not the address, but you may well be advised to get a copy of your credit report to make absolutley sure.

I think you'll find it's the address gets flagged.

Mrs_pbradley936

Calm down, most of us have been there with our grown up kids. Until last year we were still there with a 36 year old! You have to face up to the fact that you cannot put an old head on young shoulders. If I were you I would stop enabling him to behave like this. I would pay his car insurance payment for the next month or so because that is very serious if unpaid but I would let them take his car back. The debts are his not yours so do not worry about that side. Some people are just lousy with money my oldest is and we have decided to let him get on with it. He does not seem worried by high credit card bills so why should we be? But I no longer pay his bills because while I am paying is electrity bill to stop them being cut off he is going out for meals and down to the pub!

make_life_easier

Thanks for all your support and I do understand that I have to let him get on with it - it's so hard to see someone you love so much get into trouble of this kind. I am upset but I feel strong at the same time and now it's time for tough love as someone said.

Do you really think I should pay the car insurance? - I am prepared to but am I not letting myself give in again? It should have been paid on the 1st Jan and he has already had a letter asking him to get in touch and pay (I cancelled the DD on the internet banking) Will he still be insured if something happens (god forbid).

phatbear

Sadly some people, ie the young, cant be told.

It wasnt that long ago, about 7-8 years when I was in my mid 20's and not earning much money but i had gold card's loans etc etc and I didnt care, my attitude was I would get it sorted one day alas that day came along far to late.

Trouble is now Im in my early 30's and loved up living with an amazing woman and her two wee bairns and its now it hits me that getting a mortgage isnt easy, or getting a car loan or 0% credit card etc.

If I could have spoken to a younger me knowing what I know now I would never have got a credit card, i wouldnt have bought a car which i couldnt afford or holidays I shouldnt have gone.

You're son will learn and im sorry to say it will probably be too late.

But you're doing the right thing if my mum had been tougher maybe I would have wised up sooner.


One final thing my debt was associated with my mums address but she wrote to experian etc with a letter denying any relationship to the debt and from then on she never had a problem getting a credit card etc.

All the best

The Bear