son in debt and doesn't care

Dumyat

make_life_easier wrote:

Anyway what am I doing worrying about this on a Saturday night?? I'm going to open a bottle of wine and watch Soapstar Superstars, that'll be a laugh - although I do quite enjoy it

Thanks for all the support I have had so far, I take on board all of your comment's as sometimes I can't see if I'm right or wrong, coz being a mum doe'snt alway mean that we are right (Ok then I am alway's right:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: )

I think you are being a good mum. its not that you dont love him...but there is a stage when kids have to stand on their own two feet. doesnt mean you can help him or try and point him in the right direction, but he needs to learn for himself. he will thank you one day ...hopefully.

immoral_angeluk

One of the main things about being a mum is protecting your children. But sometimes you need to take a step back and let them make mistakes as it's the only way they'll learn. Please don't bail him out anymore and don't give in to him again. He's 21 and a fully grown man and should be taking responsibility for his own actions. I'm also 21 and from what you've described he sounds incredibly childish and immature about his finances and the best thing you can do is make him learn the hard way as it's going to be the only way it really sinks in with him.
good luck and big *hugs* from me!

magyar

lynzpower wrote:

COuldnt you report him to the police for driving without insurance?

A solicitor or policeman might be able to confirm this, but I think that if you were e.g. to get in the car with him knowing that he was uninsured, then you would be committing a crime too and could potentially face the same level of prosecution (a few hundred quid and six points, I believe).

immoral_angeluk

magyar wrote:

A solicitor or policeman might be able to confirm this, but I think that if you were e.g. to get in the car with him knowing that he was uninsured, then you would be committing a crime too and could potentially face the same level of prosecution (a few hundred quid and six points, I believe).

But that's only if she goes anywhere with him in his car. She can't do much if he's driving on his own without insurance in which case I'd call the police because if he has an accident and injures or kills someone the victims will get nothing because he wasn't insured.

magyar

immoral_angeluk wrote:

But that's only if she goes anywhere with him in his car. She can't do much if he's driving on his own without insurance in which case I'd call the police because if he has an accident and injures or kills someone the victims will get nothing because he wasn't insured.

Quite agree - I was just adding weight to the idea, rather than discounting it.

Almost_Redundant

Are there any good books that i could buy and give to my recently turned 18 yr old who is in the early stages of starting his debt career? He's just taken out his first mobile contract (against our advice) and in my opinion is already being fleeced by the company. Fortunately he's not that savvy about loans and cc's but it wont be long. Thanks.

magyar

Almost_Redundant wrote:

Are there any good books that i could buy and give to my recently turned 18 yr old who is in the early stages of starting his debt career? He's just taken out his first mobile contract (against our advice) and in my opinion is already being fleeced by the company. Fortunately he's not that savvy about loans and cc's but it wont be long. Thanks.

Martin's very own MONEY DIET BOOK!

mjdh1957

I'm not an expert by any means, but I believe there is a fund run by the Motor Insurers that can pay compensation to victims of uninsured drivers in case of accidents. But I agree that he shouldn't be driving if he is uninsured. An anonymous tip to the local police might be the best way to do it....

Good luck with the future, I know it must be worrying. I was a bit of a rebel as a teenager so know what it's like (will be 50 this year though). But my parents never had any money so could never have bailed me out

groatie_queen

Your story rings bells for me!

Had to do the tough love thing with a financially irresponsible daughter when she was in her late teens. She didn't take anything seriously, was running up debts and we were worried it would set a long term pattern. She went into a bedsit near us and we stopped bailing her out. Once she had to pay her own pay for all living costs, she soon had her lightbulb moment, and gained her independence.

She's now in her late 20's, has a good job, owns her own flat, hasn't ever defaulted on the nortgage in 5 years! She's the first to say that we did her a great big favour, though it was hellish at the time.

So well done, the first part is the worst, and you've done it. There's loads of support for you here. I don't think you can afford to worry about the car insurance. Bailing him out for that would send the wrong signal, and if he chooses to drive it's his responsibility.

IMO you've acted in his long term interests, and you're giving him the chance to grow up.

All the best
GQ

magyar

mjdh1957 wrote:

I'm not an expert by any means, but I believe there is a fund run by the Motor Insurers that can pay compensation to victims of uninsured drivers in case of accidents. But I agree that he shouldn't be driving if he is uninsured. An anonymous tip to the local police might be the best way to do it....

You're right - although it's costing us all £20-30 a year on our premiums, so we all need to take responsibility for this!