son in debt and doesn't care

SSB

Hi
Your signature is very telling, 'make life easier', easier for whom.... Time to look after yourself for a change don't you think?

Glitterari

I think you have done the right thing with stopping your payments for his bills and debts - he'll nevr have a need to learn if you don't stop baling him out. If I were you I would not pay any more of his bills.

As for car insurance - I'm not sure, but no, if the premium hasn't been paid then I don't think he's covered - but seriously this is up to him to sort out. If you back down now and start paying his bills he'll know you're a soft touch and can get away with whatever he wants. Why should he find a job when you're paying for everything?

I'm 26 and became debt free (aside from student loan) in Nov/Dec last year. I had the same attitude of - I'll sort it out later.... luckily for me, my mum was never in a position to bale me out (I don't know if she would have if she could either) so I was never able to get into too much financial trouble - but I still managed to get credit cards, overdraft, managed loan and car on finance and on not on very high wage either. That's all paid off now and I've learnt some hard lessons all at 26....if you don't stick to your guns he might never learn.

Sorry if harsh - but that is how it is.

skintas_2

my brother has a very bad credit rating he owes thousands. my dad off the same name who is senior applied for a credit card at theyre address and was turned down due to my brothers bad credit rating!!!!!!!!

duncans-mum_2

make_life_easier wrote:

Thanks for all your support and I do understand that I have to let him get on with it - it's so hard to see someone you love so much get into trouble of this kind. I am upset but I feel strong at the same time and now it's time for tough love as someone said.

Do you really think I should pay the car insurance? - I am prepared to but am I not letting myself give in again? It should have been paid on the 1st Jan and he has already had a letter asking him to get in touch and pay (I cancelled the DD on the internet banking) Will he still be insured if something happens (god forbid).

Not 100% sure, but until the policy is atually cancelled by the insurance company, he is still covered but.. probably won't be long before they do cancel it, and if an accident did occur, they may use this as an excuse not to pay out.

I agree that you should offer him all the moral support he needs, (if and when he wants it) just do not bail him out. My Mum used to bail me out all the time, not for particular things but gave me money when I was broke. Although it kept the wolves from the door, it did not actually help me. The more someone bails you out, the less likely you feel you need to sort yourself out.

Sadly, you cannot force someone to have their lightbulb moment, no matter how hard you try. The more you nag him, the deeper his head will go in the sand., although you asking him to go may make it sink in with him a bit more.

Wishing you luck with it, and hopefully this short sharp shock may make him take stock of what he is doing, and what he needs to do.

iceicebaby

You have done the right thing. I know he is your son and you dont like to see him in a mess financially but you have to be cruel to be kind.

I certainly wish my parents had done with me. A financial mess i caused myself between the ages of 19 and 23 I only managed to pay back by April 2006 when I was 32!

Chin up, stick to your guns and let us know how you get on

gregrichards

make_life_easier wrote:

Thanks for all your support and I do understand that I have to let him get on with it - it's so hard to see someone you love so much get into trouble of this kind. I am upset but I feel strong at the same time and now it's time for tough love as someone said.

Do you really think I should pay the car insurance? - I am prepared to but am I not letting myself give in again? It should have been paid on the 1st Jan and he has already had a letter asking him to get in touch and pay (I cancelled the DD on the internet banking) Will he still be insured if something happens (god forbid).

I really think it's important for you to pay his car insurance because if he is in an accident and he crashes then it will affect someone elses life. Has he tried to get another job at all? Has he tried to get unemployment benefit? Unfortunately for your son he will probably end up with ccjs etc and will end up paying high interest rates or be refused credit for the rest of his life.

I'm a year older than your son but now have my own debt not alot but it's still a pain. Few people are not in debt nowadays and I think its totally pointless trying not to be because it will never happen unless you earn a higher than average salary.

The key things that parents should teach their kids are: to respect money, to save it, spend it wisely on things that will last a long time and to shop around for as low an interest rate as possible. Get your kids a piggy bank and get them to earn (by doing chores, tidying their room, helping make dinner or do a paper round, work weekends) and save their pocket money from a young age.

make_life_easier

That's what I have been doing ' keeping the wolves from the door' for quite a while now. I don't answer the phone if I don't recognise the number now but I will have to speak soon so to tell them he doesnt live here anymore and to stop calling my number.

I understand what you mean about nagging - it's worried me so much lately that I have become a nag- but only for the sake of him.

nearlyrich

Once the insurance company know that the DD has been cancelled they will cancel the policy and the car will not be insured. Has you son got a fall back plan if you refuse to bail him out?

You will not be linked financially to your son unless you have ajoint account or some other financial product in both names, same applies to people living together with no financial ties.

I am not sure if your son will wake up and smell the coffee and sort himself out but he is big enough to take responsibility for his situation. I hope that you can get it all sorted without lasting damage to your relationship.

duncans-mum_2

make_life_easier wrote:

That's what I have been doing ' keeping the wolves from the door' for quite a while now. I don't answer the phone if I don't recognise the number now but I will have to speak soon so to tell them he doesnt live here anymore and to stop calling my number.

I understand what you mean about nagging - it's worried me so much lately that I have become a nag- but only for the sake of him.

There comes a time when you have to think of your own sanity. I'm sure you don't need the hassle, although you obviously love him very much and are bound to worry about him, which is understandable, but you have to think of YOU as well.

Take care.

CLAPTON

as i said already your credit record is based on your personal circumstances and NOT your address unless you are financially linked (i.e. joint bank a/c etc). but its worth checking your file to make sure no mistakes have been made.

by way of example the following is copied from the experian website


quote..
If other members of your household have county court judgments or late payment histories and are recorded on your credit report you can ask for their financial information to be removed if you are not connected. All credit reference agencies will make these changes if you do not share a financial connection, such as outstanding joint accounts or judgments.

end of quote