Mounting debt and a laid back partner

mickett

Other half and I are totally diffirent in the way we cope with things im the stressed out one he is the laid back cool one.The main issue at the minute is our wages hardly cover the bills most weeks but for some reason he dot seem to be taking it seriously, the letters through the door demanding money are building up,last week one debt company even rang him at work,but still he acts like its nothing.Ive tryed to tell him it will get to the point where some bailiff is knocking on the door wanting all our goods....Whatever i say he says ahh we will be ok but I know we aint.

What can I do? far from packing my bags and leaving him I really am stuck :mad:

determined_new_ms

mickett wrote: »

Other half and I are totally diffirent in the way we cope with things im the stressed out one he is the laid back cool one.The main issue at the minute is our wages hardly cover the bills most weeks but for some reason he dot seem to be taking it seriously, the letters through the door demanding money are building up,last week one debt company even rang him at work,but still he acts like its nothing.Ive tryed to tell him it will get to the point where some bailiff is knocking on the door wanting all our goods....Whatever i say he says ahh we will be ok but I know we aint.

What can I do? far from packing my bags and leaving him I really am stuck :mad:

show him this post? Hopefully it will express to him how desperate things feel for you right now?

Do a SOA together and work out a plan? Start selling items in the house to raise some cash?

The best thing I ever did was get my oh on board with dealing with the debt with me, once I did that we really started addressing it together & over the course of a couple of years we changed our lives completely and did it as a team.

Good luck x

elaine12022

Your OH is unlikely to change overnight, so in the meantime you need to work out your priorities.

There are 'priority' debts & non-priority debts, the 'priority' ones are the ones where you can lose something like the roof over your head, council tax, gas/electricity. These take priority over other debts.

Also you need to know whose debts they are, are they your OH's debts? Are they joint debts? Bailiffs cannot just come round to the door, there would have to a court case first,and then an enforcement order. They also have limited powers. If the debts are your OH's then you are not responsible for them.

Have you spoken to the Citizens Advice or similar organisations? They may be able to help you understand your position better,as obviously it is the stress & worry that is the worst thing.

mickett

determined_new_ms wrote: »

show him this post? Hopefully it will express to him how desperate things feel for you right now?

Do a SOA together and work out a plan? Start selling items in the house to raise some cash?

The best thing I ever did was get my oh on board with dealing with the debt with me, once I did that we really started addressing it together & over the course of a couple of years we changed our lives completely and did it as a team.

Good luck x

Started selling things already jewellery,records, etc etc just seems the money aint stretching far enough.
Elaine he rang CAB and they asked him to list all the outlays on his money, they suggested 2 main things stop buying cigerettes and take away your sky sports package well he lasted about 3 weeks on no fags and we still have sky sports so you can see how serious he was about that.
All the debts are his and some are from before I even know him and we have been together 10 years.Currently countil tax are taking money from his wages every week so we are already £40 less.Gas and leccy is both on pre payment meters and as yet things are not so bad that its time for candles.
I will take advice and show him this but if I know him like I think I do then its pointless

InDeepDebt

I think the first thing to do is a statement of affairs. See what you've got coming in, what's going out and who you owe money to.

Try to shock him with that.

Once you know where you are, you can start looking at what can be cut or reduced. Where to use the cash from selling stuff and whether doing any additional work will help.

We realised that we were in serious debt about 18 months ago and went about doing something about it. It's been a hard slog but we've clawed back money from the shopping - down from around £600+ a month to under £300. I get a little extra money from a monthly magazine delivery round - I get the kids to help me and it gives them a little extra a month.

Small things make big differences but, until you know where you are, the small things will just get lost.

Are you able to post an SOA?

Jim

toothfairybuttkicker

grab a suitcase and pack to leave. I'm sorry to be heartless and blunt but if he is so blind that he can't see how stressed you are over HIS debt then he isn't worth it.

tallyhoh

I put up with it for years for the sake of the son. Pack your bags and leave now if you have no kids.