Landmark day....not sure what will happen now.

money_tit

ooooooooooooooooooooo

James&Shell

Give her some time today and possibly tonight to get used to the problem

Out of all your debts the utilities are the ones you need to pay first ie rent /mortgage water ctax and electricity and gas.

Then contact payplan the cab or the cccs they will be able to help you.

Only pay the unecured debts ie cards 2-3 a month and explain why you cant pay the full amount.

Take care

I hope it all sorts itself out for you.


James

Lucie_2

She's just feeling a bit cross, upset, betrayed <insert several other options here> at the dropping of the bombshell.
What's making things worse is that she can't see past the problem at the minute, so you need to come up with a solution as to how things are going to get better.
Is she good with money? Are you prepared to surrender the running of the finances to her? It shows that you trust her 100%, but she may not entirely trust you now. You'll have to work hard to get that back.
The good news is the great people on this site will help you come up with some ideas as to paying back your debts & getting back on an even keel. If you can, post an SoA & you will get plenty of help as to how to overcome the problem. You can then go back to her tomorrow/when she's calmed down and say "I'm so sorry for being such a fool, but this is what I'm going to do about it". It's got to be worth a try.

Don't panic, take a deep breath & pat yourself on the back for coming clean.

BlueSkyDay

Hi

Welcome to the board MT. You have a very sad story and I very much hope that you get it sorted out.

The first step - as I'm sure you'll know if you've been lurking for a while - is to post an SOA. Once you get everything down in black and white you will be able to make some decisions.

Good luck with everything.

Blue

Glitterari

Welcome to the board.

I'd say give her time if you've got somewhere else to go tonight and in the meantime try and come up with a plan of action - for starters get a SOA on here, maybe point her in this direction too and try and work it out together.

It's going to take time for you to build the trust back up. I think your best bet is to be really proactive and tackle it head on (the debt, not the wife!)

Take it easy - when you have more info, ie all your debts, aprs, incomings, outgoings worked out, put up a SOA for us and we can help out with that side of things, as well as the emotional support.

Bear in mind she's also probably feeling pretty cr@ppy that you couldn't/didn't tell her face to face, she probably think that reflects on her as a person...

Good luck xx

bobbie78

Well done on posting on here at least, if you post your soa and what debts you have with apr's then maybe we can have a plan of sorts ready for you to talk to her with when she has calmed down.

clarab_3

She probably needs space to process things. I know when I feel my back is to the wall I need space to work things through in my own head before I can discuss them with anyone - even those close to me.

You've done the hardest bit now - don't start building walls between you & keep it as open and honest as possible, its important that she can rebuild that trust.

All the luck in the world - thinking about you both.

chevalier

You don't say how much the total debt is do you know? Can you use tonight via access to a computer, to get all your online statements and try and work out what the debt is?

Next step is to cancel all direct debits EXCEPT mortgage, council tax, gas, electric and water. These are what you need to live. The consequences of not paying these are
No house
prison (yes you can go to prison for not paying your council tax)
No heat
No light
they can't cut off your water, but they can force you to have a meter, if you don't have one as part of the debt settlement.

Next go to https://www.quidco.com and have a look at the bank offers on there. If you can get a basic bank account ( ie no overdraft, or debit card, then you can move the above debits to this account along with your wages). Then you have control over how much money goes to the other creditors. You will also get some cash back for opening the account.

If you have been charged for going overdrawn, then the new account will also be handy for when you decide to get your bank charges for the last 6 years back. Some banks get 'upset' when you put in your claim, and people have had their accounts closed. Having an alternative already set up, means that the important payments still get paid. (ie the ones above).

I know this is all a lot to take in but I hope it helps, it will also show (if you act on any of this or other advice) that you are taking the bull by the horns and dealing with the debt.

the very best of luck and sorry for the long post
chev