Friend's Wedding

Errata

I've received a verbal invitation (to be followed by a posh paper one, no doubt) to a close relly's wedding. Travelling, hotel, dog kennel, new frock costs will add up to around £500 ! Wedding present on top of that lot and for the total amount I could have a week s/c in the Lake District with some very nice meals out.
I think I'll have to develop a case of diplomatic flu to avoid hurt feelings (theirs and mine).

For the OP - "lovely of you to invite us, we hope your wedding is all that you wish it to be. We're very disappointed that we won't be there, but the cost involved just isn't in our budget just now".

eta - and the wedding is in the UK - god knows what it would cost me if they were getting married abroad lol

newcook

Lotus-eater wrote: »

It's not selfish to get married abroad, it's selfish to expect anyone else to pay alot to come with them.

sorry - cross posts! just edited mine to add: Some have it abroad purely in the hope that those who they feel obliged to invite wont be able to go!!

dizziblonde

Lotus-eater wrote: »

It's not selfish to get married abroad, it's selfish to expect anyone else to pay alot to come with them.

My mother was begging me to get married abroad as she hadn't had a holiday for all of about 4 weeks (my mother lives for her holidays abroad) and fancied a bit of sun!

(We didn't incidentally)

lostinrates

Errata wrote: »

I think I'll have to develop a case of diplomatic flu to avoid hurt feelings (theirs and mine).

I wouldn't...because by the time flu is plausible then they have planned seating for you with people they think will be a nice group and they've booked food for you. A late substitution of guest is embarrassing for them...and not inviting someone effectively ''costs them money'' in meal uneaten and seat not filled.

A white lie often is the best excuse, but one as early as possible.

Mojisola

Lotus-eater wrote: »

It's not selfish to get married abroad, it's selfish to expect anyone else to pay alot to come with them.

Recently, on another thread, a bride said that they gave their guests two years' notice of the wedding and the guests only had to save £40 a week for those two years in order to afford the trip. Anyone who couldn't be bothered to do that wasn't worth worrying about!

dramaqueen1973

Whoooopppsss Im one of those selfish people who got married abroad....shame on me!!!

However, I planned it two years in advance, I did not demand anyone come with me, I said what we were doing and said of course I would love you there, but I understand financial situations, for us it was cheaper to get married abroad and have 2 wonderful weeks in the sun (we did not have a holiday for 10 years prior to wedding and we have not had one since - 6 years ago) so for us it was a lifetime dream and we were able to take the kids on a wondeful holiday too! It cost £3000 for 2 weeks all inclusive, wedding, photos, flowers etc, simply could not get that over here plus a holiday!

My friends were unable to join me for wedding, my family did, however I dont regret it as the wedding was for us!

Hope that helps

Drama
xxxx

fawny

Hi,

Just be honest with them & tell them now so that they know. I'm sure that they will be expecting some people not to be able to afford it or not wanting to go because of the destination.

As someone who is getting married abroad next year we considered it very carefully before deciding if to go ahead with it but it's what we want to do. We have had friends who have said no because of cost & we totally understand it & have no greivence with it, nor have we tried to get them to save up.

I'm sure your friend will understand.

gregg1

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Anyone who chooses to get married abroad and expects every single invitee to want to go, never mind be able to afford it, is living in a dream-world.

I would politely decline and not give a reason. Giving a reason often opens up the possibility of the other party to try and persuade you to change your mind, so don't. There's no shame in not having a spare grand or not being willing to spend that sort of money on someone else's "big day". I wouldn't feel obliged to go nor would I feel guilty about not being able to.

my dd's Godmother is getting married soon. She has decreed that daughter is not invited (dd is an adult) and want us to travel over 200 miles, pay to stay in a hotel and buy them a present from the expensive wedding list they have provided and they have even asked everyone to take something towards the buffet!! Its not like they are hard up either. Needless to say we have decided to make our excuses and not go.

Errata

lostinrates wrote: »

I wouldn't...because by the time flu is plausible then they have planned seating for you with people they think will be a nice group and they've booked food for you. A late substitution of guest is embarrassing for them...and not inviting someone effectively ''costs them money'' in meal uneaten and seat not filled.

A white lie often is the best excuse, but one as early as possible.

Tough, as far as I'm concerned There'll be plenty of people there with doggy bags and they'll make a saving through not having to keep me plied with copious amounts of gin.

zagfles

Mojisola wrote: »

Recently, on another thread, a bride said that they gave their guests two years' notice of the wedding and the guests only had to save £40 a week for those two years in order to afford the trip. Anyone who couldn't be bothered to do that wasn't worth worrying about!

:rotfl:I suspect a lot of her friends thought she wasn't worth worrying about!