Friend's Wedding

Lotus-eater

dizsiebubba wrote: »

It's an invite... not an order!!!

Yes but it's expected you go isn't it? And you feel awkward if you don't. Otherwise this thread wouldn't be here.

lostinrates

A very dear friend of dh's (who now lives in australia) did something similar...he wanted everyone to meet half way. He wanted his friends to go for a week/2 weeks, stay in the same boutique hotel, doing yoga on the beach, meditating together and having spa treatments and swimming.

TBH it sounds wonderful, and we did have the money in the bank in those days because we were saving for a house. BUT we wanted it for our house! Also, the amount of time off was difficult in the extreme.

Dh told him that while he valued the friend ship very much, and male soppiness like ''I love you, man'' but that we would find it hard. We didn't go, but we did arrange some nice room service for them as a wedding gift.

puddy

dizsiebubba wrote: »

It's an invite... not an order!!!

OP is it not possible to pay in instalments and then perhaps you could afford it by the time you go? This is what we done for our friends wedding! Some guests even stayed in a cheaper hotel up the road, could you do this? Obviously, if part of you doesn't want to go then this is not an option?

see the implied dig here 'if part of you doesnt want to go'

i havent had a holiday in 2 years. due to cost. we have had a couple of nights in travellodge on £9 deals as breaks. we cannot afford anything else at the moment. my partner is waiting to hear whether he is to keep his job. i would love a holiday. if a friend said we're getting married and its in spain or whatever, theres no way it would even be on the radar, its just not possible, what do people not get about this?

NAR

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Yes but it's expected you go isn't it? And you feel awkward if you don't. Otherwise this thread wouldn't be here.

Yes but it is better feeling awkward, than up to your neck in debt.

lostinrates

dizsiebubba wrote: »

It's an invite... not an order!!!

OP is it not possible to pay in instalments and then perhaps you could afford it by the time you go? This is what we done for our friends wedding! Some guests even stayed in a cheaper hotel up the road, could you do this? Obviously, if part of you doesn't want to go then this is not an option?

In our situation, dh's friend offered to pay half, and we said we wouldn;t dare take his money when we had some but were prioritising differently, and explained that an equal factor was TIME. They are good friends, dh was honest, but friend still asked again, gently, with understanding but with hope....about six times between invite and wedding.

zagfles

buttercups wrote: »

Hello, I am invited to my friend's wedding but it is abroad and my other half and I can't afford to go. It'll cost about £500 each... we haven't got £1000. How do I tell them we can't go? My other half wants to go but I know we can't afford it, let alone the travel insurance. Help!!!

£1000 sounds a hell of a lot - where is it? If it's somewhere in Europe you should only need one night's accomodation and transport, and you'd surely be able to do it a lot cheaper.

Why are they getting married abroad - is one of them actually foreign, or is it one of these "wedding abroad" packages which are cheap for the bride and groom but where the guests are "recommended" to buy a package off the same tour company?

If the latter I either wouldn't go on principle, or else I'd organise everything myself at probably half the price of the suggested package...

begyourpardon

I agree I don't think you are expected to attend and if your friend doesn't understand your position then she's not worth knowing.

I think it's all got a bit out of hand - stag/ hen do's and weddings abroad. it should be about sharing a special day with the people you are closest to, and not trying to bankrupt your friends and family!

puddy

lostinrates wrote: »

In our situation, dh's friend offered to pay half, and we said we wouldn;t dare take his money when we had some but were prioritising differently, and explained that an equal factor was TIME. They are good friends, dh was honest, but friend still asked again, gently, with understanding but with hope....about six times between invite and wedding.

thats very difficult

newcook

why do people still feel awkward saying 'I cant afford it'?! I truly thought (especially with the recession etc) that we had moved on from the times of 'keeping up with the Joneses'

and for those saying its selfish - how on earth is it selfish for a couple to decide THEY want to have THEIR wedding abroad?!? Some have it abroad purely in the hope that those who they feel obliged to invite wont be able to go!!

Lotus-eater

newcook wrote: »

why do people still feel awkward saying 'I cant afford it'?! I truly thought (especially with the recession etc) that we had moved on from the times of 'keeping up with the Joneses'

and for those saying its selfish - how on earth is it selfish for a couple to decide THEY want to have THEIR wedding abroad?!?

It's not selfish to get married abroad, it's selfish to expect anyone else to pay alot to come with them.