Shud i just cancel??

trudyj

im supposed to be giving notice to wed tomoro dunno why im really bothering?! whenever i try talking to OH about wedding stuff all i get is im not really interested, its just something we're doin gettin married but im not bothered about details! i got quite upset earlier, why cant he see what hes doing? maybe i should just cancel???

McKneff

If he's that disinterested I guess you maybe should, it might just give him a wake up call

Gemmy_2

If this was me and my OH, i'd ask him should we cancel?
If you're not interested then maybe marraige isn't for us.

Minimoo24

no, tell him you have canceled but dont actually cancel. Tell him that you canceld as you dont feel his commited to you then sit down and shut up for aslong as you can, if he doesnt say anything about it, to protect you and make you smile, then yes cancel in the morning xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

trying_2_b_good

I know you're on here looking for support, but you need to talk to him, not us. We don't know enough about you, him OR your relationship to tell you to cancel or not. It's the rest of your life, not ours.

Hope you can figure it out and good luck

MsShopper

I agree with trying_2_be_good. This isn't the time for guessing games. You and your OH need to have a frank, open and honest chat. Good luck. xxx

White_Sapphire

((hugs))

You definitely need to have a talk with your partner. Obviously I don't know you or him, but I know that some men assume that the wedding will be the bride's domain, with the groom just there to say "I Do". Therefore they either dread it (although not the marriage itself), thinking that they will spend the whole day surrounded by decorations they hate, among people they don't know; or fall into the 'whatever you want' trap, where they just don't want to venture an opinion in case it's not what you want.

It may be that one of the above fits him, rather than it being a problem within the relationship, and he does not realise that his disinterest is hurting you, thinking that in fact he is letting you have free rein over the planning. You won't know this until you talk to him.

Good luck.

trudyj

maybe im just being oversensitive? its 3 yrs on fri since i lost my mum to cancer and sat wudve been my dads birthday - i lost him just 5 months ago. i kno my OH doesnt mean to hurt n upset me but .... he is! or maybe im just going over the top about our little wedding? i just want n need something good nice n happy to look forward to and i love OH to bits and wanna spend rest of my life with him.

bride2be2012

big hugs!

My OH can be a bit uninterested at times too - he works long hours and the last thing he wants after a 15 hours shift is to come home to me wittering on about wedding things!

It used to upset me alot, until we actually talked about it a lot. He explained he does love me, does want to marry me, does want a nice wedding but it just so shattered when he gets in, all he wants to do is chill out in front of the tv, or mess about on the laptop for an hour or so before going to bed, to do it all again the next day!

Now I just get on with planning all the details, and run bigger things past him on his days off. It keeps us both happy. Thankfully, when the time comes for sorting things like seating plans (where I'll actually need some proper input from him!), will be his quieter time at work so he will be more willing to talk wedding!

So talk to your OH before you do anything drastic like cancelling. Perhaps he is a bit overwhelmed by the amount of planning that actually goes into a wedding, or maybe worried about the cost of weddings, or anything - that's why you have to talk to him to find the root of the problem. Hope everything works out for you xxx

jojo2004

Fully agree with Bride2be2012, White Sapphire and trying_2_be_good - you need to talk to him. Threatening to cancel, or actually cancelling without talking to him isn't constructive, and is slightly childish (hugs - I don't mean to be harsh, I've been there SOOooooo many times!!).

Why not ask him what he is excited about to do with the wedding? A positive, open question like that might prompt some discussion. My OH could care less about flowers, but is very excited about food and wine. If he has something he's excited about, then focus on that. Make that the thing you talk about. Also worth telling him you're feeling as if he has no interest in the wedding and that you're interpreting that as him having no interest in the marriage - and asking him if that's the case.
Good luck honey. xx

White_Sapphire

trudyj wrote: »

maybe im just being oversensitive? its 3 yrs on fri since i lost my mum to cancer and sat wudve been my dads birthday - i lost him just 5 months ago. i kno my OH doesnt mean to hurt n upset me but .... he is! or maybe im just going over the top about our little wedding? i just want n need something good nice n happy to look forward to and i love OH to bits and wanna spend rest of my life with him.

I'm so sorry to hear that. Maybe you need a little time away from planning, to allow yourself time to deal with the loss of your parents and concentrate on your relationship with your H2B. You don't say when your wedding is planned for; would you be able to take some time out from planning?

I agree with bride2be2012 in that maybe timing your wedding talk might be helpful, perhaps setting aside a little bit of time once or twice a week to discuss ideas and what needs doing. In terms of asking him for help, men often respond better to being asked to complete specific tasks rather than to general pleas for help.

Just take care ofyourself for a bit; you must be emotionally exhausted.

x