Help & support needed - an admission.

Avacado_2

I'm 28 and since as long as I can remember if I had money, I spent money.
Amost to a compulsive level, so much so a couple of months ago I even asked Councillors for help. But I didn't follow through with the appointment - I thought I've beaten far worse things on my own and I'm going to beat my spending habits, hopefully with support here.

I was employed until 3 months ago in a £21000 job, I was made redundant but now starting a new job for 18000 next month, in reality it's not really a paycut since the new job is about 40 miles closer so what I save on fuel balances out the pay difference.

I have a credit card with 1400 on it, 300 overdraft, a loan with £1000 on it. And that's because i've always just stayed on the knife edge with wreckless spending never exceeding my means by just a margin always making sure I could afford the credit I had, so I do retain some responsibility in my spending - but it's been difficult to avoid compulsive buys here and there... really difficult, giving up smoking was easier. I do have a compulsive personality.

My parents, mum especially weren't good with money, my father seemed good with it but never spoke about it. Further to this in my late teens I might have had or might not have had a 'grey area' strictly cash business, I made good money but I also spent good money and that short affluent era also re-enforced my "easy come easy go" mentality.

Well today I make the difference. I have cheap living so have no excuse not to get myself out of debt and start saving money for the future.
I've wasted 10 years of potential savings by living just within my means, how reckless when I look at it objectively :mad:

Anyway, with all debts/direct debits/standing orders payed each month I should have £350 / 400 of my own to start saving. I honestly don't know where this extra has been going each month as I normally finish the month just breaking even...

MY question is (and I thank you if you have read this far!)

1. How to avoid bad spending habits?

2. How can I avoid compulsive spending?

3. How to budget for food effectively?

4. What's the best way to pay off debts? (I find myself paying off as much as I can, almost emptying my debit account only to go spending on the credit account for stuff I needed to use my debit account for in the first place (food etc).)

Any help or words are appreciated. It's taken a lot to come here and post and admission has left me feeling ashamed of my current spending habits.

Thank you?

climbgirl

Avacado wrote: »

I honestly don't know where this extra has been going each month as I normally finish the month just breaking even...

First thing to do is start a spending diary - write down everything you spend for a month. And I mean EVERYTHING - every single penny. This will at least show you where that extra £300-400 is going each month and what you are actually spending on.

Once you have that info, it's easy to start looking at ways to cut back. All those coffees / pints / takeaways / magazines / chocolate bars that seem like they cost nothing, add up to a surprising amount over a month. If you don't feel like you can cut them out completely, restrict yourself - just have one coffee a week instead of every morning for example. You get the idea.

As for compulsive spending, start trying to analyse your habits. Are you doing it when you're in a certain mood? When you're bored or sad for example? Try to avoid putting yourself in situations where you can spend. Leave your cards at home and just take enough cash to cover what you need. If online shopping is your downfall, don't log on as much as you usually do. Force yourself to do something else, watch telly, read a book, phone a mate - anything that will distract you.

Budget a small amount each month for frivilous spending - if you're currently spending £300-400 each month on nothing much, try to spend £30-40 instead.

You're more likely to achieve your goals if you work towards them in little steps rather than trying to do it all at once. I find focussing on one bad-spot and changing that is easier than trying to do it all. I currently waste money by buying both breakfast and lunch at work each day. So this month I'm working on lunches and once I've got that sorted, I'll work on the breakfasts. Otherwise it's a bit too much and I think "sod it" and carry on as I was.

Hope that helps!

Tixy

Hi and welcome.

Different things work for different people and so you'll need to find what works for you but these would be my suggestions as a starting point.

Avacado wrote: »

1. How to avoid bad spending habits?
set a detailed budget and keep a spending diary. once you have those 2 if your are overspending you can work out in what areas and they try to work out what your triggers are.

2. How can I avoid compulsive spending?
what triggers you to spend money? what are your weaknessess? is is going shopping at the weekend with friends? is it buying things online? shopping in your lunch time?

Some people find leaving their cards at home and just taking a small amount of cash works.
Some try the option of not buying any impulse buys but writing them down and if you still want them 3days later you go back and buy them then.

3. How to budget for food effectively?
Perhaps try meal planning for the week or even month ahead? and then just buy what you need for that.
Use a list when you shop so you don't forget things (that then lead to popping in the shop again just for milk and spending £40!)

4. What's the best way to pay off debts? (I find myself paying off as much as I can, almost emptying my debit account only to go spending on the credit account for stuff I needed to use my debit account for in the first place (food etc).)
Given your debts I'd be tempted to pay off that overdraft straight away and consider removing it. A lot of people find it so much easier to manage their money and focus on what they actually have if they have no overdraft and so know exactly that they can go down to 0 and not further.

Aside from that people would say focus on paying as much as you can off your most expensive debt each month, if you have a budget you stick to you should know how much you can afford. But in the early days you might want to just make the minimum payments at payday and then wait until just before next payday to make any extra payments.

Does the APRs on your debts differ a lot? Maybe try the snowball calculator? -

This article is probably also worth a read -

Stop Spending

and

Free Money Mantras Card
Pop in your wallet to stop spending when you shouldn't

Avacado_2

That does help alot, thank you.
My habits are online spending, mostly electronic goods or parts for my motorcycle, upgrades on my laptop, upgrades on motorcycle.

Also bits here and there, you've pointed some out, take aways, magazines. Take away is £20 near enough, takeaway every fortnight, magazine of £5, a quick spin on the motorcycle down south to see friends £20 extra ram for laptop £20 I can see how it adds up. And to be honest I have always had this in the back of my mind but always thought "it'll be fine, enyjoy yourself"

And yes I've analysed when I want to spend is when I'm bored for feeling slightly depressed (not clinically) and if I resist the urge to spend (which can last a day or two) I usually have a bout of creativity after that (im a hobby music producer) but when I do spend I just felt guilty later and had no creativity. Weird I know.

Thanks for your tips climbgirl, I can take something away from that.

foxgloves

I read your post & it was exactly like reading about myself at age 28. Get on top of it now. I say that because we only became debt-free in May this year in our 40s, following just the type of attitude to money you describe. Both partner & I first started to live beyond our means as 19-year old students. We were lucky always to have been in work, & to have earned reasonably good salaries, but b ecause we could always meet our outgoings plus debt repayments each month, we continued to borrow because until you can't pay, you don't really see debt as a problem. LBMs came when I was looking at some of the stuff we'd really like to do in the future & it hit me that these things would be achievable if we weren't spending so much of our income servicing debt. There is no aspect of our finances we haven't overhauled in order to get outgoings reduced, but the major change has been our attitude to spending money. If it has to go on credit, that's not our money, it's someone elses, so we can't afford whatever it is. We also see not buying something not as depriving ourselves but as 'paying' oursleves....we still have the money, we've lost nothing. I find the Old-style forums really good for sharing money-saving ideas on food shopping, budgeting, etc. Finding a system of budgeting that works for you is absolutely key to success. And once you have a budget, stick to it. In my years before LBM, I'd be making a budegt on Monday & back to my old naughty ways by Wednesday!! An important thing to remember is that if you keep on with the same behaviour, then you can't expect different results. Can't tell you how good finally being in control feels....it really does feel empowering rather than stingy. Best of luck with it.

climbgirl

Avacado wrote: »

And yes I've analysed when I want to spend is when I'm bored for feeling slightly depressed (not clinically) and if I resist the urge to spend (which can last a day or two) I usually have a bout of creativity after that (im a hobby music producer) but when I do spend I just felt guilty later and had no creativity. Weird I know.

Thanks for your tips climbgirl, I can take something away from that.

There you go, you're starting to answer your own questions! Whenever you feel the need to go online and spend, sit down and start working on your music instead (offline if possible!). It's all about recognising the triggers (boredom and depression) and physically distracting yourself by doing something else.

I was exactly the same - when I was bored or a bit down, I'd wander onto amazon and hey presto, new books and dvds to distract me! Now when I feel myself doing that, I'll just do something else - read one of my many books, go for a walk, do some baking, whatever works.

In terms of the little spends adding up, you need to stop thinking in terms of "it's only £20, I can easily afford that" and start thinking about how quickly that adds up. Just a handful of bike parts, takeaways and boom, there's your £300!

I find it helps me to focus on a goal, something I want to buy that I need to save for. I actually have a picture of it in my wallet and whenever I'm tempted to buy something I don't need I look at it and think "do i actually need this thing I'm about to buy, or would I rather have the £20 in my {insert goal} savings pot?". Helps keep you focused!

Hovel_lady

Can't add anything to the great advice already given but just wanted to wish you luck and say well done for posting here.
If you wanted to keep a diary on here including all your spending. It's suprising how it stops you spending money on stuff you don't need if you have to "confess" to your diary that anyone can read.

GeorgieFTB

Avacado wrote: »

That does help alot, thank you.
My habits are online spending, mostly electronic goods or parts for my motorcycle, upgrades on my laptop, upgrades on motorcycle.

Also bits here and there, you've pointed some out, take aways, magazines. Take away is £20 near enough, takeaway every fortnight, magazine of £5, a quick spin on the motorcycle down south to see friends £20 extra ram for laptop £20 I can see how it adds up. And to be honest I have always had this in the back of my mind but always thought "it'll be fine, enyjoy yourself"

And yes I've analysed when I want to spend is when I'm bored for feeling slightly depressed (not clinically) and if I resist the urge to spend (which can last a day or two) I usually have a bout of creativity after that (im a hobby music producer) but when I do spend I just felt guilty later and had no creativity. Weird I know.

Thanks for your tips climbgirl, I can take something away from that.

Sounds like you have a pretty good handle on yourself... I'm the same age and kinda have always had an easy come, easy go kind of attitude, the thing that pulled me up was having kids (don't really recommend for a LBM:D)

The spending diary will help you to figure out what you are spending at the moment, make a budget, one you can stick to! Include some money for takeaways/parts of the bike/pooter etc then you can spend what you can afford without feeling guilty.

Gx