2 bridesmaids from hell - upset about my wedding

ZebrasMum

We got married last week (yay!) and it was lovely but I just wanted to get this off my chest. I find posting on here very cathartic so **rant alert!**

[FONT=&quot]My cousins who were meant to help really really let me down.
Of the two families there were two adult cousins I will call them A and B and two little girls. They live a mile or so away from the other child bridesmaids (my uncle’s children) so we had asked them to take my uncle's children 'under their wing' as it made sense logistically.
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[FONT=&quot]With hindsight I am thinking bridesmaid A may have been jealous - in my culture it is usual to get married young - girls getting married in the late teens is not unusual and even though in England professional women do get married later, but to not get married at all is extremely rare, she is now 34 and single. A comparison would be England in the 1940s.
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[FONT=&quot]Anyway here are some of the things that made my blood boil
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• [FONT=&quot]In our culture it is customary for the bridesmaids and ushers to do a little dance at the reception, nothing fancy - even just making a circle, anything. In May I asked if she could be in charge of organising this - she agreed. I suggested the easiest thing would be to find something to copy on youtube and just email it to everyone so they know what to do and find a few minutes to practice it. I'm not talking a morris dance here folks, even if they had done the funky chicken or macarena it would have been enough - I even said that to her. well, on the day nothing and no apoplogy. [/FONT]
• [FONT=&quot]Two days before the wedding Bridesmaid A tells us that the dress we bought for her a year ago does not fit any more and she had bought a new dress. It was a different shade from all the others and essentially she had made herself chief bridesmaid. With two days to go what could I do, I just shrugged my shoulders. Oh and she had invited my other cousin who could fit into her old dress to be a bridesmaid(!!!) She announced this at a family dinner and I did not want to make a fuss, so I just said ‘fine’[/FONT]
• [FONT=&quot]The church is walking distance from where bridesmaids A & B live. They turned up to the wedding rehearsal 45 minutes late and without any of the children so instead of walking through it they were just orally told what to do, as the vicar had another appointment later so could not wait around. [/FONT]
• [FONT=&quot]My sister decided that she needed to go shopping for shoes for the wedding the day before the wedding and at the same time as the wedding rehearsal when we had given her the dress a year before. I did not have a specific shoe they should buy just gold if they could manage it. She had a tantrum when I pointed out that she had had over a year to buy shoes. (for the record the shoes she came back with were the wrong colour) So she did not attend the rehearsal either.[/FONT]
• [FONT=&quot]Bridesmaids A & B together with their young brother were supposed to set up the venue on the morning of the wedding (they had been at our house the night before and we went over the details). We had someone professional setting up the tablecloths and chair covers but that was all. I knew their brother was quite unreliable, 22 year old boy but I never expected this from them. On the morning of the wedding we phoned and they said they had gone shopping in the town centre! MY MUM AND DAD HAD TO SET UP THE VENUE can you imagine pensioners getting up a step ladder hanging up lanterns?[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
  • [FONT=&quot]My mum and dad did their best, bless them but only managed to do about half the decorations[/FONT]
  • [FONT=&quot]The wishing tree was not set up[/FONT]
  • [FONT=&quot]The birdcages not set out[/FONT]
  • [FONT=&quot]Most of the little details not set up [/FONT]L
  • The groomsmen arrived at the venue a bit later to help. They were staying next door to our house but decided to drive direct to the venue without any of the decorations. They later explained that they thought it would be bad luck to come to my house in the morning. (The groom was in a hotel somewhere else, these are just the groomsmen) and they thought ‘someone else’ would bring the decorations even though we had discussed this the night before. When they got to the venue the venue dressers gave me a ring, apparently the groomsmen had told them to ‘go ahead and decorate’ that would have meant a massive bill for me and luckily they confirmed it and I told the professionals to only do what they had been paid to do, which was put on the chair covers and tablecloths.

· [FONT=&quot]The wedding started at 2pm – Bridesmaids A & B and all the children in their care arrived at the church at 2.30 pm[/FONT][FONT=&quot]. I was fuming and in hindsight I should have just walked up the aisle without that lot. I WAS WAITING FOR THEM.[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
· [FONT=&quot]Since they had not bothered to come to the rehearsal they did not know what to do. They walked down the aisle behind me and then just stood there, all bunched up in the aisle, without the common sense to move into the pew. They blocked the view and at the end of the first hymn the vicar had to ‘please ask the bridesmaids to move out of the aisle and into the front pew!!!!!![/FONT]
· [FONT=&quot]They had forgotten the flowergirls baskets I had bought so just had an Asda plastic bag full of the rose petal confetti I had made and thats what they used outside the church and I think it is in the pictures.[/FONT]
· [FONT=&quot]The reception was a buffet. I said to the bridesmaids to please eat last so that they can make sure all the guests were taken care of. Bridesmaids A and B had their food immediately after the top table. We had forgotten the paper napkins – part of the reception set up - so my mum MOTHER OF THE BRIDE had to go round with a roll of paper towel for people while A & B sat and stuffed their faces. The top table did not have drinks while A& B got a jug of punch for themselves.[/FONT]
· [FONT=&quot]They had not set up the wishing tree but we also had a guest book. There was a nice guest book and also one from an corner shop in case the nice one ran out of pages. I asked bridesmaid A to tell the (new MC to announce where the guest book was) and to please keep the nice one in circulation and only bring out the other one if the nice one got full up. The first thing I saw her do when I got back to the top table was to start giving out the ‘spare’ guest book for people to sign.[/FONT]
· [FONT=&quot]The reason bridesmaid B had given for wearing a bridesmaid dress was that ‘she would not be a bridesmaid but help look after the children’. Well she sat down as soon as the food came out and left the children on their own table. Can you imagine a table with a 13 year old, 11 year old, twin 7 year olds and 5,4,3 sat alone during wedding speeches .... well that’s what she did.[/FONT]
· [FONT=&quot]A & B were supposed to help with the clean up. In the end they just took home the flower vases. THEY DID NOTHING ELSE. My mum and dad had to clean up and do multiple trips to get all the decorations home.[/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]I can’t decide if it was all down to incompetence, stupidity or spitefulness. I am really really hurt by their behaviour. I always thought we were close, but it seems like they did their best to try and spoil my wedding.[/FONT]

KnightSmile

Wow they sound a bit selfish and thoughtless (and lazy!) and from what have said you were only a little bit of a bridezilla but on a scale of 1-10 probably only a 3.

I cant believe you let a "random" join in your wedding as a bridesmaid just because there was a spare dress going!

Surely a wedding is about having people around you who you care about and celebrating your love for another person? All that other stuff sounds great but essentially not toooo important.

Interesting to hear other views..

marywooyeah

oh my goodness hun that is absolutely awful - I thought some of my family had ruined my wedding but they took the absolute mick.
I would go as far to say that some of it at least must have been deliberate because there are so many things that they did wrong and exactly what you asked them not to do.
I cannot believe someone asked another person to be a bridesmaid - that is bang out of order - you choose your bridesmaid not someone else!
you were right to say that she had a year to get some shoes - I can't believe she left it so late and then got the wrong colour!

I'm actually annoyed on your behalf, I'm so sorry they ruined your day. the only good thing you can draw out of it is everyone will have seen how badly they behaved towards you and people will feel bad towards them.
so sorry, hope your marriage is going better than the wedding! xxx

Poppleminster

Oh gosh you poor thing, i'd be furious too. I guess there are three ways of looking at it. First is you can be mad and angry and seeth silently for years, second is that you can tell them calmly that they have hurt you by their behaviour and that you're really upset. Third is that you can accept the hurt and anger but also look at it from the view that everyone else pulled together. Your parents sound awesome and that you now know who you can rely on in times of need. You learn to treat them with less respect than before and devote your time to those who have really proven they care about you.

Perhaps taking your parents and the others that helped out for a slap up meal to say a big thank you but not inviting the others might be an idea. Not to make them upset but to confirm to you that the people you have round you are the ones who matter and your memories of them at the time you needed them are always going to be good.

I'm so sorry people were so slack and rubbish in general, try to focus on the positives and the lovely people that made the day special for you rather than those that selfishly cared more about themselves and their experience of the day. I'm not sure what i'd do. I'd want to yell at them but would be more likely to go away and cry in a corner. I do thing though that doing something nice and positive with the ones you can now trust would be good for giving you happy memories again. xxxxx

Curious_George_2

im sorry you had a bad time, but the one thing that shines out to me from this thread and your other one about mistakes ... is you,

do you realise how many times you accept something unacceptable because you dont want to make a fuss??
maybe if you did put your foot down every now and again and not let people walk all over you it wouldnt happen so often,
i thik your going to have to start standing up for yourself, your cousins wont like it because they are used to being able to treat you badly and they know you wont say anything but if they really ruined your wedding you should tell them.

rachelhen

I agree with George, to behave like that on such an important day! I tend to let things go but am getting more assertive at last....

Scotsbride

I would of been absolutely livid! I think of a bridezilla scale you are definately a saint and it more a case of BM from hell! your folks sound amazing

ZebrasMum

Curious_George wrote: »

im sorry you had a bad time, but the one thing that shines out to me from this thread and your other one about mistakes ... is you,

do you realise how many times you accept something unacceptable because you dont want to make a fuss??
maybe if you did put your foot down every now and again and not let people walk all over you it wouldnt happen so often,
i thik your going to have to start standing up for yourself, your cousins wont like it because they are used to being able to treat you badly and they know you wont say anything but if they really ruined your wedding you should tell them.

Thanks for that insight - could you suggest what I should have done in an ideal situation?

ZebrasMum

Scotsbride wrote: »

I would of been absolutely livid! I think of a bridezilla scale you are definately a saint and it more a case of BM from hell! your folks sound amazing

My parents really saved the day!

aarchk

I had two horrible bridesmaid zillas. Three months later we are no longer on speaking terms. Its very sad but I just got so upset thinking about everything until I made a clean break. HOWEVER, although lots of rubbish happened and they were as much use as a chocolate teapot it was nothing compared to what you had to go through though. I am so sorry you had this on your special day! The stupidity of some people is unbelievable.

I would not have waited for them, but instead got to the church on time. Even if they were genuine perfect bridesmaids and there was some major emergency they would have understood.

If you find you keep running things over and over in your mind you may want to try talking about it with someone. I saw a counsellor for 4 weeks and we discussed each aspect of the day and how other lovely things happened that I didnt see because of all the crap that was happening. Worked wonders and am so happy now. Sorry if this was a bit of a hijack post but I just wanted to share that it will be ok. Your parents sound fabulous!

MinniMe_2

OP I would say something - it might help you feel better rather than going over it all in your head.