Fed up

Fizzbitz

I was just wondering how other people cope with the emotional side of being in debt. All I seem to do is eat, sleep and work just to keep a roof over my head. Socially I appear to have become invisible because I cannot afford to do things etc even though I have explained my situation. It has just made me so sad and tearful.

For some crazy reason, my credit file showed I had improved and I have 3 companies wanting SOA from me yet again and increased payments. In fact the opposite is true.

Anyway, I am not after sympathy. Just some ideas of how to cope emotionally as I live on my own and have about another 3 years of this.
Fizz

RAS

Hi

What sort of place do you live in?

Can you appoint yourself your own social secretary?

There will be local free events (like festivals). You can volunteer or just fix up with people you know to go together.

If you have outside space, save up or collect some whoopsies to freeze and do a barbie, asking people to bring booze.

Or ask folks for a curry night (or whatever your favourite type of food is).

These do not have to cost a lot - whoopsied chicken thighs, lentils and some whoopsied veggies make three dishes with some rice and a few spices.

Or organise a walk with folks; a thermos full of hotdogs and a cheap batch of rolls from Lidl makes a good shared snack.

donner_kebab

Hiya Fizz,

First of all...:grouphug: have a dodgy hug

I am afraid that I can't exactly offer advice but wanted to tell you that I am in the same boat so will be watching this thread with interest.

I know exactly what you mean, all I seem to do is work, sleep and think about debt and how long it is going to take to pay off and until I don't have to worry about every penny. I do spend a bit on my passion which is Kickboxing but I would rather take longer to pay off the debt than not have this at all...it is the one thing that keeps me sane.

I have recently become single for the first time and am finding it tough. People don't seem to understand when you say that you can't afford to go out etc and I know I will be paying off the debt for quite a few years yet.

I am trying to find either things that are free to do, like mountain biking and joining a group to go out with, running which is also free and I have started trying to invite people over for a very cheap tea. Usually I cook and they bring wine and dessert which has been lovely and I have a teenager at home so she gets to chat with adults for a bit and everyone loves her!

I don't really think I have many friends but seems that since becoming single people are more inclined to come over and see how I am which is nice. I really hope maybe next year to start building up my social circle but is very hard when you are constantly trying to pay the debt.

I am trying to make an effort though when I can, for example there is a works night out tomorrow which will be hard as my ex will be there as we work in the same office. I have said I won't be attending the food first and will meet them for a drink after. I plan to drive down so I won't be drinking and will have a couple of cokes and possibly water inbetween or if I get bored of the soft drinks. That way it should keep the costs down and I get out of the house for a few hours.

I am thinking about getting an Orange pay as you go sim just for Orange Wednesdays as love the cinema but that costs a lot normally for me and my daughter.

Do you have any hobbies at all? And if you live anywhere near Bristol, you can come out with me! xxx

donner_kebab

Oh yes Ditto what RAS said about the volunteering, last weekend my daughter and I helped out at Bristol Pride which is a LGTG cellabration so to speak and we got free tickets which meant me got to spend the afternoon watching drag queens and listening to live music and seeing shows all for helping marshall the parade. It was good fun and meant we could get in for free as couldn't afford the tickets normally! xxx

Fizzbitz

Hi RAS and Donner

Thank you for the great ideas. Donner, unfortunately I left Bristol some 30 years ago otherwise that could have been a great idea.

I should also have pointed out that I live in a tiny flat with no garden, am self-employed and can't walk much due to health issues. Still love the ideas.

Fizz

RAS

Hi

There will still be volunteering opportunities, though. One of my friends helps out at her local museum, with the records. Nice chat and free teas and bikkies as well.

A lot of local campaigns and events need someone to help with mail outs or making posters or.. or.... Some will even sort transport if necessary.

From that you might meet one or two people who you can invite for lunch (cheap HM soup and rolls?).

On the other hand there are some groups that specially organise days out at low cost for people with mobility problems which might be useful if they are severe enough?

Learning2Budget

I find it quite stressful, esp cos none of my family know about this debt. However, I do occasionally put a little money aside for treats, cos otherwise life would just be monotanous (?sp). Not much to had that hasn't already been said, but sending you a hug.xxx

los72

RAS wrote: »

Or ask folks for a curry night (or whatever your favourite type of food is).

These do not have to cost a lot - whoopsied chicken thighs, lentils and some whoopsied veggies make three dishes with some rice and a few spices.

Or organise a walk with folks; a thermos full of hotdogs and a cheap batch of rolls from Lidl makes a good shared snack.

Even better if peeps on here live near each other, have a kind of "debt support night" get together kinda thing.

donner_kebab

los72 wrote: »

Even better if peeps on here live near each other, have a kind of "debt support night" get together kinda thing.

Well I live in Bristol if anyone is close! xxx

londonfraggle

Hello - hope you don't mind me butting in on this thread. It really hit a note with me.


I'm not single now but I was when I first started out my debt free journey, and to be blunt it was totally miserable! When all my other single mates were out hitting the town I was at home making excuses for why I couldn't go. To the point where a lot of them thought I was just a total anti social b%$ch!


So...I decided the only way was complete honesty. I told my best friends that as I had so much debt I was trying to pay off I couldn't go out. I did lose a couple of friends (the ones that didn't understand or accept that a night out didn't have to involve a £100 meal+pub+cab journey home) but in fact ended up making some new great ones along the way.


I too live in a flat so it's hard to get people round BUT....do you have a commnunal garden space at yours? I spoke to my neighbours and asked them if they would mind if I had the odd BBQ in the garden...they didn't - and in fact it's now become a regular thing - I invite my mates, my neighbours (some of them) come and bring their mates - and we all bring our own food and some booze. And actually - everyone always brings too much - because I organise it (and cos everyone knows I'm on a budget!) I get to keep the booze etc. that's left! Usually keeps me going for a while!

Sorry - just a thought??

xx

ald65

Hi Fizzbitz

I agree that there does seem to be a time on DMP when your life goes on hold and you become socially invisible!
I agree with RAS and Donnerkebab that volunteering can be a great way to get out and about. Local hospitals, hospices, charity shops always appreciate any support and it can be a great way to meet new people.
i have now become an expert in window shopping, and visiting 'free' places such as art galleries , museums and parks!

good luck with the rest of your debt free journey, it will be worth it