How can I make things right?

jcalow

I suppose i am just looking for a little support and any advice if anyone can offer any. I realise that I had great opportunities and that I have wasted and squandered them. To cut a long story short I am 24 years old and live at home with my parents. I left school at 17 after failing at A-levels. I have worked in various low-wage jobs ever since. I have always worked very hard, but much to my and my parents disappointment I have never managed my money properly. I have realised that things need to change and that they need to change now.
At the peak of my problems I was in around £8000 of debt at age 20. I have worked this down to a remaining £2000 that I am now striving to clear asap. Over the years this has caused terrible problems between me and my parents. Also along the way I have lost money into scams and bad investments that I have got into in a panic to try and correct things.
Things are now beginning to look up, once I have paid off the £2000 I will be debt free. But I feel so very guilty about my past, I am so ashamed. My parents have never really asked for anything from me and have allowed me to live with them over the years rent free. I have voluntarily given them money occasionally but never very much. I feel appalled at how things have been. I have squandered 7 years of earnings and have nothing to show for it, except a car I bought for £8000. Take a low average of £10,000 a year for earnings and that is £70,000 that I have wasted! And to make matters worse all the time I have been wasting this money I have been costing my parents too! I don't know how to make things right. It makes me sick to think about it. I have told my parents that I need to be paying them rent and have set up a standing order to their account. I have told them that I will start budgeting properly and will pay my remaining debt as quickly as I can. But I just feel awful I am the worst person I know. My parents really deserve better and I could have done so much better. How do I make it right and will I be alright or have I ruined my financial future by throwing away so much?

FireWyrm

jcalow wrote: »

But I just feel awful I am the worst person I know. My parents really deserve better and I could have done so much better. How do I make it right and will I be alright or have I ruined my financial future by throwing away so much?

Phooey! You are NOT repeat NOT the worst person and you certainly arn't a disappoingment to your parents. Ask them, they'll just look at you like you're a lunatic and give you a cuddle. I'm a mother, it's just not possible for my daughters to disappoint me...

Now...you've started on the right track. It's called 'growing up' but we all make mistakes and believe me, I've made some fine ones in my time. You're not the only one to have made financially bad decisions, and if you want someone to compare yourself against, try me on for size. I've been working since I was 16 and I'm 33 now, I have been a professional developer/programmer for 10 of those years earning about £10K above the national average. I've 'squandered' conservatively somewhere in the region of several HUNDRED thousand pounds in that time!

I am £6000 in debt and I am the only wage earner in the household. However, there is a way out as you have discovered since you have reduced your debt from 8 to 2K which is fantastic going. Many people out there are ignorant of their debts and really dont want to face them, so they dig a little deeper every year. You've faced them and conquered them and now you are truly an adult and a functioning member of society. Hold you head high. :T

bugslet

Sweetie, you are being really really hard on yourself. If you can find anyone that hasn't done something numpty in their lives, let me know. Most of us do numpty things for a lot longer than 24, so i think that you are doing well. you ahven't run away from your debts, you've made steady inroads to pay it off. Now that the debt is lower you are sorting out paying rent to your parents. Neither of those things are the actions of a bad person at all.


I'm not the expert on these things, so many more brighter people on here, but I'd plough on getting rid of the debt and then the money that went against that can be funnelled into a savings account so that you have a pot of back-up money.

Have you thought of re-taking your A levels? You'd probably find you were a bit more committed now and could pass them, that would give you a confidence boost. You haven't wrecked your financial future at all - to do that you would have had to carry on spending and have three times as much debt. I hate saying this 'cos it always sounds patronising - but you have time on your side and all things change.

I'm sure your folks are lovely people, but what's happened has happened, so there's no point in covering old ground.

backinbusiness

I was 41 when I had my lightbulb moment!

Squandered a lot more than you.

You are not a waster and idiot or anything else - you are a young person who is growing up and taking responsibility (and recognising and learning from earlier mistakes) - this is to be commended.

Well done and good luck OP.

BiB

Gettingtherequickly

Hmm, who said that you are a disappointment, I doubt if your parents told you that directly? Ok, you messed up a little bit when you were younger, but at 24, you have shown great maturity to have reduced your debts by 75%, and lets face it, there are very few people who can genuinely say that they have not made some mistakes in life. These mistakes are to be learned from and you have done that, be proud of that and tell your parents that you love them. They love you or they would not have allowed to you live with them.

As a previous poster said, why not try for your A Levels again, that will give you the encouragement to aim for higher goals and increased salaries. Employers look favourably on those willing to learn further.

You are now on the road to a new debt free life, enjoy it!

DarnIt_3

When a person opts to have a child, we take on the responsibilty whatever the consequences. Ok so you have squandered £70k, but you are just 2K in debt now. You are TWENTY FOUR, you are barely of an adult age, you have learned this lesson already, do you know how many people are in their 50's and only just realising what you have realised.
Don't feel bad it's a wasted emotion....just make changes. Paying rent seems like the best start. Setting up a saving account would be the second thing to do! Third, would be telling your parents how very very sorry you are and how you are making changes.
Your parents would rather you make something of your life, afterall you're their child come rain or shine. So use the emotion to push you to more financially mature.

Heamol

Jcalow, if you really were a terrible person, you wouldn't even feel bad about the situation! Mismanaging your money is just unfortunate, it doesn't make you a bad person!

I wasted a lot of money when I was younger- almost 13k of my student debt- which makes me horrified now, and guilty that I used money on a selfish lifestyle when my family are not well off. If I had known how to manage my money, and hard it would be to pay it back, and had fully realized how foolish I was being when my family needed money, things would have been a lot different, but the point is that I didn't know back then. You can't judge your younger self in the light of your older, more experienced, more sensible self. Now you have learned from your experiences, you only have 2k debt (a lot of people would be delighted to have just 2k debt!), you're going to be debt-free soon, and you have done that whole learning curve very young, have learned how to deal with money and debts (paying off 75% of your debt is GREAT!) are helping your parents already and are proving yourself to be a mature-minded, caring person.

I am sure that inwardly your parents will be touched, relieved and very proud of you. You already are making things right. I am sure that, now you have the zeal to change things, you will go from strength to strength.

Sarah75

Hello there,

My brother is 48 and is still costing our mum money. He has never really got his act together and neither has my sister who has also cost a pile of money over the years (she's 53). My mum still loves them regardless and trust me, between them they've caused far more trouble than you could dream of.

You've recognised you've got a problem and you're sorting it out. I'm sure your parents are proud of how you have sorted yourself out.
You've learnt a great lesson early in your life which is something I wish I'd done. Instead of that I'll be paying back what I owe for years