Bringing a friend instead of your partner?

skea56

Hi everyone

Just after a little advice. A very good friend of mine gets married at end of August on a Wednesday. The invite was addressed to me & my partner.

We also are invited to a wedding on the Fri & another one on Sat of the same week (remind me to fall out with all soon to be engaged people for the next few years lol!!)

For ease of reference these will referred to as:
Wed - W1
Fri - W2
Sat - W3

I will have to take the day off work unpaid for both W1 and W2. My partner is self employed and so it is difficult for him to take time off anytime but certainly not 3 in the same week. We have discussed it and since W3 is a close cousin of mine who he knows quite well, he will take half day off and attend it, and closer to time see if W1 & W2 are do-able.

I have received a few text messages from the W1 groom saying the hotel requires definite numbers by the end of the week (even though we only got the invite last week) and asking is my partner going. When I mentioned maybe not , I was given the impression that I wasn't allowed to bring my friend - as the bride doesn't know her and wouldn't want to have to pay for her dinner. (This I find strange as she has met my partner about twice so she barely knows him either?:huh:)

To be honest, since I have 3 weddings in a few days, I would like to enjoy all of them, and will prob leave W1&W2 early to not wreck myself completely for W3. I have also got the impression that this seems cheeky as I'm taking my dinner & running - this is definitely not the case, I just want to honour all 3 of my friends by attending their big day.

So basically, how would you brides (and grooms) feel about
a)a guest bringing a friend (not their partner) and
b)that same guest then leaving early?

(I hope that it makes sense!)

Thanks in advance

sk56

Idiophreak

If the invite was addressed to you and your partner, you can't just bring a friend, end of.

Whilst they may not know your partner too well, you're part of a couple and people invite couples together - it's considered rude not to (certainly if the couple in question is married). It's not that they've got spare space and are inviting your partner to make up the numbers.

If you really feel like you want your friend to be there, or will need company, talk to the bride and ask her to extend an invitation to your friend, which she may or may not do.

If it was a +1, (unnamed) it would be fine to bring your friend.

On the leaving early thing, I wouldn't be too bothered, if I was convinced that you were making an effort. You give a nice explanation as you leave and job's a good-un.

That said, if it was 4 o'clock (right after the food) and you were half an hour from home, I'd take "I've another wedding in two days" to be a pretty weak excuse for shooting off so early...

As an aside, do you really feel you're honouring your friends with your presence?

johannalf88

I think you need to speak to the couple about this. I know many people have number restrictions on the venue/cost, so have probably put a lot of thought on whether to invite the two of you. If it was me and my OH wasn't able to make it I wouldn't dream of bringing a friend, as they can now 'bump' someone up that they would like to be there as apposed to someone they have never met. If the invite said and partner I would read that as partner only, not the same as and guest or plus 1.

As for leaving early, it depends how early! It Would be rude to leave straight after the meal, but after a few hours of dancing (once the 'grandparents etc' have gone I personally wouldn't have a problem with it.

LEJC

Personally I think if the invite is to you and your partner as a named couple then its not really appropriate to substitute another person who is your friend into the invite...you should either accept the invite as a couple,decline it as a couple or go solo...if you go solo and the bride then asks you if you would like to bring an additional guest then so be it...but its wrong to assume you can

Mrs_Moore_To_Be

I personally dont think its acceptable to bring a friend. We actually had this happen at ours. We invuted ny husbands cousin and her partner (her partner who I had only met once) and he couldnt make it for various reasons. She asked if she could bring a friend (who I didnt know) and we said no.

We only invited her partner as its the polite thing to do as they are part of a couple but it doesnt mean she can bring any other tom !!!!!! or harry.

It meant we could bump up others instead.

If these weddings are friends of yours (one of which you say is a good friend) then surely there will be some others you know there? Even if you dont you will soon make friends at the church/meal etc.

In my opinion its just not acceptable to take a plus one instead. (unless as someone else pointed out the inviation was a +1 un-named)

fawny

Hi,

Sorry I agree with what the others have said, I would not be happy for you to bring a friend instead of your partner. Even if I had only met your partner a few times I would have invited you as a couple & would not be happy about having someone who is a complete stranger at my wedding.

sammy_wheeler

i agree with others- dont think its acceptable to bring a friend

leaving early- as someone said and its not eating at 4pm and leaving at 4.30 then u shud be ok

Minimoo24

i wouldnt be happy if u asked to bring a friend, as i wouldnt know them and its a personal thing for a wedding. Will you know other people there? I know you say leave early but if you ate dinner then left because u wanted to get home so u could have a good night sleep for the next wedding, unless it was a close family memember i would be upset but i would deal with it, but i wouldnt leave to early, maybe 9? x

KK22_2

I echo all of the above comments. I would not find it acceptable for you to take a friend in place of your partner, as it was clearly a named invite for you both. Also, try to make sure that you don't leave too early and then that way it wouldn't really be noticed. Once people get up and start dancing and mingling, it's much easier to leave then as you wont have people drawing attention to it.

Kittendreich

To me it depends on the circumstances. When we were sorting out our invites if someone only knew (one of) us and would end up on their own for the day we were happy for them to bring a substitute if their partner couldn't make it (this happened as one couple split up days before the wedding and I knew she would be uncomfortable travelling and being alone all day so she brought her sister). However, we had other people who we knew would know several others or be part of a group of friends and therefore we didn't think it was as big an issue for them not to have a specific guest of their own.

Mrsanders

I too think it depends on the circumstances. The way our wedding was we didn't have a limit on the number of guests as we had a buffet and I had a couple of people who asked if it was ok to bring a friend, to me the most important thing was they were there and didn't want them to feel uncomfortable as they didn't know most of the people there, so I was happy for them to bring someone.

If we were having a big sit down meal that cost a lot per head I may have thought differently.

If I were you I would just ask, if they say no then at least you know