Newbie needing some advice

mrsdwhite

Hi all,
I'm kind of asking for help for my DH, he has a lot of debt. I don't know the exact figures (I don't really want to) but it runs to tens of thousands I believe. Mostly on credit cards and one or two loans. He is a lot better with money now than he used to be, a lot of the initial debt was racked up before I met him.
He wont go and try to find help to pay it off, despite me trying to talk him into it and it is becoming a sore subject. We have a 3 yr old DD and would like another child, but I'm not keen with our current financial situation. I also have debt but it is manageable and a lot less than his! Though having said that I really don't have any spare cash at the end of the month as my wages aren't that great.
Can anyone suggest anything that I could suggest to my DH that he might be able to do to help? I just can't see this going away ever and he struggles every month with cash.

Thanks

RAS

A few things.

Do you have any joint accounts?
Are you buying or renting?

I suggest you both do an SOA, as this helps you work out what your situation is.

And maybe he needs to talk to one of the debt charities like CCCS or NDL?

theoretica

Any chance of getting him on here?

Have you read the guides on this site to debt and money management Debt Problems: What to do & where to get help and The Budget Planner: Free advanced tool & guide to managing your money ?

dancingfairy

I think having a full and frank chat is needed. You need to let him know how much you want a child and that you are worried about the debt - you need to kind of decide where you are going so you can support each other in your choices - ie repaying debts etc.
You could mention that you've heard about this website and how good it is and how helpful? or you could suggest he rings one of the debt charities sas RAS has suggested.
You could set yourselves a challenge - ie if we pay off x amount we can save for a holiday/car/new house/meal out etc? or you could mutter about how money is tight so you are reviewing all the household expenses to see if you cna get anything cheaper which might spur him into joining you? you could say you are keen to do a spending dairy to see ifthere are any areas you are wasting money and see if he wanted to do one for himself (you could make it clear that it's for his eyes only though if that might put him off).
People often find that by chatting about what they are doing and the fact they are facing up to things that eventually their other half comes on board but that it can take a while for the penny to drop
Best of Luck
df

mrsdwhite

Thanks for the prompt replies....to answer some questions
We are living in accomodation provided by our employers, all we pay is council tax, tv licence, phone bill and cable tv. We both have our own seperate accounts, we decided it was easier to keep everything seperate especially as he has soo much debt. I have tried to get him to go to CCCS and NDL but he just buries his head in the sand, I'm really getting tired of trying to get him to face up to the problem.
I often review my income/expenditure and although it is tight so long as I'm sensible it's manageable. I have tried NDL for myself but they couldn't really help as my situation isn't that bad.
I'm also often quite blunt with him about our finacial situation ,he knows my views about his debt. Especially now that I find myself paing for more and more stuff as he can afford less and less. The most irritating thing is that if it weren't for his debt we could have quite a decent lifestyle and savings!
Can anyone tell me how the debt charities can help? Maybe if I can tell him how they work it could persuade him.

anh1904

Open and frank disclosure from your side might help him open up. Tell him that if you tackle it together, as a joint problem, it will be much easier, and the stress is shred because you can talk to each other about it.
The help, emotional and practical, that you get on here will help you along the way.