in debt and panicing

duncsmissh

i find myself in an ever increasing downward spiral of debt (mis)management, I am a home owner, no arrears on any of my debts but living on my credit cards to get through each month and now have only £1200 left available. I know I cant go on like this any longer... I have done the head in the sand, and am now panicing. my daughter lives with me, she is 25, is trying to be self employed so is on and off jsa or whatever its called. to be honest shes never at home as she spends all her time literally at her parteners home. My fiance lives with me too, but he has a DRO from 15 months ago, and has his own issues.....
I am due to get married in 7 weeks.... my fiance knows nothing about this debt. I am in this mess because of my ex husband running up £45000 of debt in my name cos he couldnt get credit, then when I couldnt get any more on the grounds of being unable to afford it he had an affair.... that was 3 years ago and I am now in debt to the tune of about £25000, 4 credit cards and a large loan. I was awarded costs of £5000 in the divorce but cant afford to sue him for the money he owes me.
I just dont know what to do next, and cant pretend its all going to be okay any longer. :embarasse

missladyannie

What a horrible situation to be in, are you able to tell your fiance the position you are in? I know it must be hard but you may feel better if its out in the open? xx

dancingfairy

Hi - the first step is admitting their is a problem (which you have done).
Firstly I would get a brand new bank account set up - try the Co-op or Barclays as they will give you a basic account with no credit checks - o.k you won't get an overdraft or anything like that but it will be a fresh start.
This will give you control over your money and you can then determine who gets paid and when without worrying about it being swallowed up interest of overdraft fees. Your main priorities are to pay the mortgage/rent, electric, gas, food and other essential bills before you even begin to worry about debt repayments.
At this point I'd condsider ringing National Debtline or CCCS or having a word with your local CAB but you can get the ball rolling on the new bank account as soon as possible.
Best of Luck
df

dancingfairy

I'd also recommend doing a Statement of Affairs (SOA) from the makesenseofcards website so that you have all the info handy when you speak to the debt charities and it will show you how much money after essential living costs you have available for debt repayments.
There are a number of options which may be available to you which the debt charities should be able to go through with you - if you don't fancy speaking to them just yet you can input the figures onto the CCCS website and it will give you a rough idea of what it recommnds for you (although it is a recommendation only and the final decision will be up to you).
I think I might be tempted to get the new bank account up and running, do the budget and speak to a debt charity before having a chat with your fiance so that he can appreciate that you are taking steps to deal with the matter. I do think that you will have to come clean though and it sounds very much like it is not through reckless spending on your part but more a result of being left in am ess by your ex. Your fiance will also want to know why you can't have a joint bank account etc as well.
Best of Luck
df
P.S I think it sound great that you have paid off 20k so far and it is not fair that you are being lumered with your ex's debt. You might want to consider bankruptcy to give you a much needed clean slate though.

duncsmissh

will my fiances income be taken into account when I calculate my available income? obviously he has his own bills etc, and we already discussed joint accounts and as we have both been messed about by ex's we have agreed to keep our finances seperate. He doesnt earn much as he is an agency worker, but i dont see why he should have to pay towards debt incurred through no fault of his.
I have applied online to open a new bank account and swap my essential bills to it and of course my salary.

tlc123_2

No if your debts are you're own and only in you're name they'll only be concerned about you. If they were joint they would have to involve him, but as they're not it's fine. I would recommend telling him if you feel you can. My husband knew we were in debt but really didn't know the extent and I was dreading telling him. It got to the point that I couldn't keep lying or covering it up. Telling him was horrible, but only for the few seconds I was saying it - he's been amazing ever since. The relief of telling the partner/family makes a huge different to the weight on your shoulders.
Best of luck
T x

duncsmissh

told him, he had guessed and knew i would come clean in the end. in fact he laughed as he said i was mad thinking he wouldnt understand when he has been there himself!
i did a survey thing on cccs and they suggested a dmp, think i will contact nationaldebtline to see if they advise the same.

allym464

duncsmissh wrote: »

told him, he had guessed and knew i would come clean in the end. in fact he laughed as he said i was mad thinking he wouldnt understand when he has been there himself!
i did a survey thing on cccs and they suggested a dmp, think i will contact nationaldebtline to see if they advise the same.

well done for telling him :T:T

tlc123_2

Congratulations for telling him - sounds like he's going to be a great support. Best of luck on your journey x

SJ1

just wanted to drop in and say well done and so pleased he was good about it, it makes the fight easier if you have people on your side backing you up!

SJ