Stress related illness?

JaymesKenin_2

Hi guys, was hoping I could get some help.
I'm about to go see my GP anyway, but I could use some support.

I've been really feeling pretty lame for the past few months, but I'll start at the beginning.

I joined the company in 2009, I had a team leader who constantly bullied myself and a few others, some of which left the company.

Late last year I made a formal complaint because I didn't think my manager was really handling the situation, my team leader resigned, and things got a little better, but I think my manager took what I did really personally and never treated me the same again. But he left soon after to work at a different location.

My new manager has been off with me from the start, I'm the only one that doesn't have his mobile number, I'm rarely involved in discussions by him, in fact, unless he really needs something done I'm just not spoken to.

One of my colleagues I'm sure has been having works into his ear that I'm bad news, this colleague has been with the company longer than the rest of us (put together), and criticizes everything I do, oddly enough I'm always wrong.

Unfortunately our team leader was the only one keeping him in line.

This colleague acts like he's the manager, tells us all what to do, and no one (I include myself) stands up to him, because if we do, he gets the strop, runs off to the nearest manager and we'll get bollocked for it. And it's the same with everything that someone does and he doesn't explicitly agree with (which in my case is everything... ), it's dig after dig after dig.

I really can't stand it. I'm trying to transfer to a different location but that's not going very quickly at all due to reasons beyond my control.

It's really affecting my life, I don't want to work with him, I avoid him all day if I can. I come home and I just don't want to do anything but sleep. Ironically I am having trouble sleeping at the moment so I just lay in bed.

I'm also comfort eating, I've gone from 32" waist & 165lbs to 35" & 190lbs in the last 6 months.

My house is now a mess and I don't want to touch anything.

WestonDave

Your GP will clearly advise on the medical side of things. However you sound like you could seriously do with some exercise. My advice would be to force yourself when you get home from work to consider some form of exercise as a medical necessity (provided of course you have no medical reasons why you shouldn't) - even if its a walk round the block, a short run or going swimming etc. Whilst you are doing that exercise you need to focus your entire mind on walking, running or swimming as far or as fast as you can so that your total focus is on the exercise. This will do a number of things. Firstly it will help reverse the weight issue which is almost certainly adding to your negative self image. Secondly the total focus on exercise will give you a mental break - try it - it seriously works. Thirdly decent exercise releases hormones that will make you feel good.

Maybe one night of the week if its really chucking it down consider a serious "extreme" housework session - stick some lively music of your taste on your stereo or Ipod or whatever, and focus totally on cleaning as hard and aggressively as you can. Same results as above plus your house feels so much better so you aren't dragged down by the tip.

Give it a go - its free, has no obvious side effects although you may find it strangely addictive. Sometimes unfortunately work can be carp so you need to build in strategies to detox when you get home so that you can switch off and sleep.

ILW

You need to work out exactly what your complaint against the manager is.

JaymesKenin_2

I have two weeks off.
Venting it all actually helped a fair bit.

I think... I'm doing okay, exercise-wise, I walk, cycle, do some core exercises, my main problem is that I eat junk. A lot. I can't be bothered to cook most of the time, so that's got to change right now (OH is partially to blame, all she ever wants is mcDonalds!!! Yuck, but I'm overly partial to anything with lots and lots of cheese... ).

I have a stress-reducing plan which I'll put forward to work when I go back.
I've just spent the last hour cleaning the spare room... it looks worse!!!
I know it's not, I just threw out 4 large bin bags of stuff, made up a few bin bags of clothing to go to the charity shop and found some other bits and bobs that shall share the same fate. Also filled our magazine recycling bin (a big old council one!) to about 1/3 capacity!! Oh, the junk we keep.

Storage space is at a premium, we live in a 2-floor flat, 2 bedrooms (1 of which is the spare room), 1 shower room, 1 bathroom, small living room and a tiiiiiiiny kitchen.

But since our parents basically went the way of: "If you're moving out, you're taking EVERYTHING YOU OWN!"... we're a bit stuffed.
Clothes dryer is in the shower room, ironing board is in the bedroom, have a clothing rail instead of a wardrobe, mostly because although I can fit a wardrobe in here... there's no physical way of actually building it first with the lack of space!

Half our stuff is still in boxes, which isn't the worst thing in the world... boxes stack, after all.

Lots of laundry to do, and from that figure out what we don't wear and that can go to charity, too. Might move the clothing rail into the spare room once it's tidy, and get a second one because one just isn't enough. Have to find somewhere to but all of the OH's shoes, she destroyed the over-door shoe hanger "by accident" lol.

I'm thinking when I go back I should ask to be put on permanent shifts, rather than be all over the place like I am now.

CFC

JaymesKenin wrote: »

Storage space is at a premium, we live in a 2-floor flat, 2 bedrooms (1 of which is the spare room), 1 shower room, 1 bathroom, small living room and a tiiiiiiiny kitchen.

But since our parents basically went the way of: "If you're moving out, you're taking EVERYTHING YOU OWN!"... we're a bit stuffed.
Clothes dryer is in the shower room, ironing board is in the bedroom, have a clothing rail instead of a wardrobe, mostly because although I can fit a wardrobe in here... there's no physical way of actually building it first with the lack of space!

Half our stuff is still in boxes, which isn't the worst thing in the world... boxes stack, after all.

.

You and she clearly own too much stuff, if you have a two bed flat and still can't fit it in! It's going to take you time to clear enough out.
About your work situation - I think you should very, very politely raise with your manager that you feel a bit excluded as he rarely speaks to you and that you think you are the only person who has not been given his mobile number to contact him in case of need and you wonder why that is. It will let him know that you are not insensitive to what is going on and hopefully will remind him of good management practice.

Secondly, perhaps you should raise the issue of your colleague. Is he perhaps undertaking a 'step up' when no manager is around? Would you also be interested in doing a 'step up'? If so then make this clear. When he is having a dig at you, you need to tell him very very politely that you find the manner in which he is communicating with you to be offensive and ask him to desist. That would be the first step before speaking to a manager or team leader.

Remember to hold these conversations in private!

JaymesKenin_2

CFC wrote: »

You and she clearly own too much stuff, if you have a two bed flat and still can't fit it in! It's going to take you time to clear enough out.
About your work situation - I think you should very, very politely raise with your manager that you feel a bit excluded as he rarely speaks to you and that you think you are the only person who has not been given his mobile number to contact him in case of need and you wonder why that is. It will let him know that you are not insensitive to what is going on and hopefully will remind him of good management practice.

Secondly, perhaps you should raise the issue of your colleague. Is he perhaps undertaking a 'step up' when no manager is around? Would you also be interested in doing a 'step up'? If so then make this clear. When he is having a dig at you, you need to tell him very very politely that you find the manner in which he is communicating with you to be offensive and ask him to desist. That would be the first step before speaking to a manager or team leader.

Remember to hold these conversations in private!

Thank you for the advice.
The flat has very small rooms, not helped by the low & slanted roof (we're on the top floor), however you are correct... she owns too much stuff. :rotfl:

There are three of us (including myself) that have expressed interest in the upcoming team leader role, my colleague being one of the other two.

I am the only one who has passed the team leader examination, however our manager has clearly stated he doesn't want anyone acting like they're the boss when he is not around.

The problem I have is confidence (funny considering I work in security? I have no trouble at all doing my job and portraying confidence in my role, it's personal confidence I have problems with), and speaking to my colleagues and my manager about something like this intimidates me, a lot. Something I obviously need to get over.

I dumped a few bin bags of clothing and a couple of bags of odd bits to the charity shop, plenty more to go. The spare room might actually e habitable within the next day or so, it's quite nice to focus my effort and not worry about work.