Help, what should I do?

gershwin_mcginty

He's not a bad man. Just rubbish at money. I've only been with him 18 months and it was mainly from before I was with him -he was keeping up with his ex who's a high flyer, and then when they split he had to start all over with furniture, white goods etc. He kept thinking something would turn up. I did.
He's cut up the cards, I've done a budget for us and he's really relieved I've intervened. I wish I'd done it sooner, it's probably gone up loads in the last 18 months. He was borrowing from one to pay another. Not a good plan.
The reason I wanted to avoid IVAs and stuff was I didn't want to lose the house, quite a lot of money has gone on it, such as a summerhouse, and I've put up loads of shelves, done the garden, etc and couldn't bear to start again.
Thank you for your suggestions. And for clearing up the business about defaulting. I thought it was when you didn't pay atall. I'll think about contacting cccs and see what they say. Thanks again.

gershwin_mcginty

58 years? I won't live that long! Oh my god.

livinginhope

gershwin_mcginty wrote:

The reason I wanted to avoid IVAs and stuff was I didn't want to lose the house, quite a lot of money has gone on it, such as a summerhouse, and I've put up loads of shelves, done the garden, etc and couldn't bear to start again.
.

You will not lose the house with an IVA,it is an arrangement done via the courts,you pay an amount every month for normally 5 years,then depending on how much you have paid,you will sometimes have to pay a lump sum,total amount paid is normally around 1/3 ,but someone who knows better will say for sure.You are then debt free after 5 years.
My DMP is 58 years,but will probably not last that long as we hope to increase payments in the future,BTW,it's very doubtful we will be alive then either
LIH

gregrichards

gershwin_mcginty wrote:

He's not a bad man. Just rubbish at money. I've only been with him 18 months and it was mainly from before I was with him -he was keeping up with his ex who's a high flyer, and then when they split he had to start all over with furniture, white goods etc. He kept thinking something would turn up. I did.
He's cut up the cards, I've done a budget for us and he's really relieved I've intervened. I wish I'd done it sooner, it's probably gone up loads in the last 18 months. He was borrowing from one to pay another. Not a good plan.
The reason I wanted to avoid IVAs and stuff was I didn't want to lose the house, quite a lot of money has gone on it, such as a summerhouse, and I've put up loads of shelves, done the garden, etc and couldn't bear to start again.
Thank you for your suggestions. And for clearing up the business about defaulting. I thought it was when you didn't pay atall. I'll think about contacting cccs and see what they say. Thanks again.

I'm not judging you but why on earth did you build a summerhouse onto the house with so much debt? I dont think I would worry about having to put shelves up and doing the garden again, there are much bigger priorities for both of you.

melaniec_2

I'm glad you are getting some advice from CCCS but you really should get him to do all the hard work and don't take on any of the debt yourself.

tyllwyd

gershwin_mcginty wrote:

The reason I wanted to avoid IVAs and stuff was I didn't want to lose the house ...

I think that's exactly the reason why you need to talk to someone to get some professional advice - it isn't automatic that you lose your house, so you need some good advice to make sure that you don't end up in a worse situation than you are now. If your husband's debts are in his sole name, and you own the house as tenants in common, for you to take on some of his debts might be the worst thing. That's why a professional who knows and undertands the ins and outs of the law can give you a balanced view of what to do next. I'm glad you are planning to talk to CCCS - there is absolutely nothing to lose by doing it, and there could be a huge amount to gain.

gershwin_mcginty

Just a quick reply to Gregrichards, I had no idea the debt was anything like it is when we got the summerhouse. I only found out about it when the lawnmower broke in the middle of November, and I went looking for the receipt, thank god the lawnmower broke- what's £40 in light of all this debt?
Turns out we couldn't afford the wedding, (a small registry office thing for 50 or so guests, the summerhouse, the honeymoon, (3 nights on the Isle of Wight) or the camping in Dorset, or pretty much anything we've done in the last 18 months, and I kick myself for not being more nosy and involved right from the beginning.
But I'm really glad I know now, and have the chance to save the house - and our relationship. Though part of me is angry for him being so, how shall I put it, naive?.
Thanks, everyone for your advice. I've been banned from thinking about it over the next few days cos I've been eat, thinking and sleeping it ever since I found out, so that's it for me till after Christmas.

Hope you all have a good one. I'm feeling a lot better about it now I know I'm in such good company. xx

gregrichards

I'm glad that your sorting out your debts now. I cant imagine what you must be going though. Please make sure that you take care of the family finances together now and teach him about the value of money.

I_was_a_fool

As someone in a similar situation (but my fault, not OH's), with that level of debt, even if you were managing the minimum repayment, it is still unsustainable. It may well be that one card was being used to pay the other, so no real inroads are being made, the debt is just getting bigger & bigger..

Once the hols are over, could you post an SOA? (see southernscousers sticky thread at top of board)

We are now on a DMP with CCCS, still have the house, have 0 credit rating & a file full of defaults, but on the way back to solvency. Good luck & have a good Xmas, dont be too hard on OH, but make sure he gets involved in sorting it out!

debsue

Just wanted to send you hugs. Have a lovely relaxed christmas and I wish you well for the future. x