marriage breakups

inthegreen

It looks like my marriage might be nearing the end of its life:( I am currently staying a a friends whilst they are on holiday but they will return in the new year.

All my money goes towards paying half the mortgage (io) and the bills and debt (the same with OH). I can't move back home as I often have to start work at 7.30am and mum is a nightmare of a journey round the M25 (over 80 miles each way).

I suspect the house will take a good while to sell so how does one of us afford to move out?

Has anyone got any suggestions or stories of their own experiences?

smog_2

Hiya inthegreen

i am not nearly knowledgeable enough to help you out here, but just wanted to say I'm sorry about your marriage. Look after yourself, have a nice cosy Christmas and hopefully the new year will bring a great new start for you

xx

cattie1

the only way my mam and dad managed (but they had kids) was for my mam to get a council house while my dad lived in the house, until he got his own council house (which he has now bought) obv it may take longer for you if you have no children and I know a lot of people see at as "a step down" but it is a roof over your head, I am not trying to chase you away as many people here will try and help but have you tried the marriage board?
good luck with whatever happens and I hope that you get something sorted soon.
(If you are not earning much you will also be entitled to rent and council tax benefits.)

climbgirl

It's difficult to give advice without knowing your full SOA - a list of ALL incomings and ALL outgoings, all debts with APRs etc.

To be honest though, if you're on an interest only mortgage and both of you have debt, I can't really see much possibility of either of you being able to afford to buy the other party out. How much equity is in the house, any at all? You might have to cut your losses, sell up and start again.

bluezone

Hi there,

In my situation - If there werent other things going on then he would have stayed in the house and just me moved home but as it was he HAD to move out.

Sorry to hear about your marriage. Has it naturally broken down?
SO long as oyu both agree you should not hesitate in putting the house up for sale now - the sooner its on the market the better. It is also a good way for you to sort your stuff out.

If you 2 can still get on amicabally then could you put the house up for sale and house share - or rent a room from a friend and take the rent of your half of the mortgage. Could you submit a full SOA to see if we could trim your outgoings?

You should also get an agreement drawn up stating that you will both carry on paying the bills and debts jointly aand get it witnessed.

Is there much equity in the property? Is there enough to cover the debt? Do you both need the furniture when you split?

inthegreen

The mortgage is the only joint debt.

That is one of the reasons our marriage isn't working after a few bailiff letters (his debts) I couldn't stand being lied to especially when I asked direct questions. I still don't know how much he owes or to whom, he pays the money into the joint account but I don't know his exact take home or personal debt payments that come out of his own account so it makes it difficult.

The other difficulty is that because the house is quite remote there is little chance of getting a lodger as there is no public transport near by and not even a pub with in walking distance.

The equity when split would pay all my debts I also get a bonus the end of Jan and end of March which I had earmarked to pay off a lot of my debt.

bluezone

then if I were you then I would get that house up for sale asap. The sooner it is sold the sooner you can move on and get somewhere else. Am I correct in reaading that you already have seperate bank accounts? This is good as your bonus wont be swallowed up by his debt.

inthegreen

yes a joint bills account that we transfer a set amount of money to a month and we keep the rest to pay our own debts/mobile phones/spending money/our share of food. My bonuses get paid to my own account.

what can I do if he refuses to sell?

tanith

Not sure about your last question so will leave it to those that know... just wanted to say sorry and hugs for you marriage breakdown but also well done for keeping your own bank account so that your money is 'safe'...... I always advocate couples keeping an account for wages to be paid in to and others have said it shows lack of 'trust' but so many times I hear of instances where friends wish that they had done it when the relationship breaks down....

I hope things stay amicable for you and things work out Good Luck

melaniec_2

why don't you book yourself in with a solicitor for advice, at least then if your marriage can't be saved you are prepared and its one less thing to worry about. You can take control. If he's lying to you now you can be you won't know the truth if you do split.