Please help me work out how to do this?

deliciouswitchchild

So long story short my Mum has kicked my Dad out. I am all for pushing the wedding and saving up more of our own money, and i'll be talking to D about it later, but she is insisting we still book it for next august. She also still really wants to give us the money for the wedding, which is so very lovely of her. So the amount she's giving us is £3000.

The venue we wanted to book is going to cost us the best part of £4000 at least. We've worked out from their venue details that it could cost £4292 That includes canapes for 80, bbq for 80 people, bacon/sausage sandwiches for 80 people in the evening, venue hire, 3 drinks per person, bridal suite and full english for me and D the next morning, tables, chairs, toastmaster, candles and lanterns and a red carpet. Honeymoon will probably be a weekend away somewhere. Canapes can probably be dropped, that takes £400 off the cost and makes it £3892.

On top of that to pay for is the ceremony, my dress, D's suit, four bridesmaids and a best man to sort out, flowers, stationery, little details like accessories etc. My uncle and my cousin are doing the photography for us, we're thinking of doing our own cakes and possibly asking my other uncle to be our chauffeur in his lovely car.

How on earth are we going to do this? we're trying our best to save up, and D's parents are offering to help us out too but obviously we're all in agreement that they shouldn't be paying for a lot of stuff. I'm all for pushing it back but both my mum and D have expressed that want to keep it as next summer.

PootleFlump_3

Think you need to plan out how much you think it will cost in total including everything then see if its feasable to save that amount between now and then before you book anything.

sammy_wheeler

sorry to hear about your parents

right- you can certainly cut those costs down-
as you said you don't need the canapes= £400 off
stationary- you can do for very cheap/free- vistaprint
bridesmaids- can they pay for their own-- or can get cheap in sales/ebay etc
re toastmaster-- are you paying extra for this-- if you are then just get your best man/guest to do it
are you paying for the chairs, tables etc????- what is your venue?
is the bridal suite not free??- mine is you see
your dress- have you got this yet-- sale rails in bridal shops, the internet-- you can get lovely dresses for good price

deliciouswitchchild

Sammy, don't worry about my parents i'm beyond caring now. Sounds pretty callous but he is not a very nice man.

Right to your questions:

we'll cut the canapes so that takes off £400. Will people miss wine at the dinner table? that could take off another £4 per person.

Stationary: i've found a gorgeous free template we can print onto postcards. The postcards are £3 for 100. Is that a silly idea? i can get envelopes £3 for 100 at the market.

Bridesmaids yep I can ask them to get their own dresses but i know thats still not cheap for them

Venue is a country house hotel. You don't pay venue fees unless you're below the minimum number, you only pay for the catering and the tables chairs etc are all included in that price. Toastmaster is also included in that price, as is the bridal suite and full english the next morning.

Dress- i'm wary of getting them made by those ebay shops that do copies for low cost. I've heard some real horror stories. So what kind of places can i go to get one at low cost? I really only want something tea length and a bit posh. Not bothered about all out layers of tulle/lace/silk and sparkles. I'm not a fussy girl.

Flowers i'm wondering if i can get some lavender plants and tie my own bouquets with the lavender flower stems.

trying_2_b_good

I'd do a full budget - google them and download your favourite. There are lots of costs that you will miss - so I found that the budget really helped (rings, registrar costs, gifts for wedding party, DJ - just a handful of things not yet mentioned).

To me, your venue sounds expensive. But you will know your area, and I'm sure that you've looked around. if you're not willing to go elsewhere, then at least you know that fixed cost already. So that's £1k of your money on the venue - then (depending on your budget) £2k+ on top - luckily you don't need a photographer which was our most expensive thing after the venue. Although if you want a £2k dress this will obviously increase dramatically!

Once you've got a better idea of the cost, you need to sit down and decide if you can afford it next summer. remember that most things will only require a deposit now - so your mum's gift should more than cover that. So that gives you about a year of hard saving!!

I don't see why your parent's situation should stop you from going ahead with it next year - as long as you think that they will be able to enjoy your day and not cause any issues. Would it be better to let the dust settle for longer? Only you can say...

trying_2_b_good

Cross posted, sorry! Shame about your Dad - but if things were bad then it looks like you're mum has been v brave to do the right thing

So your dress won't be too much - but I don't know where you should look. i'm sure there are posts about shorter dresses on the forum though.

i'd miss the wine - but it's your choice.

My bridesmaid dresses were debenhams £40 in sale: it is possible as long as you only want them to wear a lovely dress - not a floor length gown etc
HTH

costcutterkaz

There are some lovely tea length dresses on ebay, they often have them on the wedding section for guests!

Postcards are a great idea, wish I'd thought of that. Just bought all the materials needed for mine!

I'm not putting wine on the tables as reception is in a club, so cheap drinks anyway, but may buy some cheap fizz for toasts!

And as long as you are both happy with your day, it doesn't really matter, does it?

deliciouswitchchild

T2bg Venue is expensive yep, but its a country hotel. I've seen no where else that i love as much. We've got a budget set out and the money my mum is offering is about half it, including everything you've said too. The venue takes up most of that. I want a lovely day, and if we could find a way to reduce the guest list we would but that is literally closest friends and immediate family. We have a lot of aunts and uncles and cousins between us. The horrors of big families eh?

As for letting the dust settle, my dad isn't invited any more so whether people will get on is not an issue really. The reason i want to push it back is to give us longer to save but both D and my mum don't want to change the date just because my father is a bit of an !!!!.

fawny

Hi,

I went to a wedding which was held at a golf club & the bride & groom were obviously on a really tight budget as no drink but jugs of water were provide, not even a toast drink. Do what you can afford, it's all about your day.

trying_2_b_good

Well then - if your mum's contribution is about half of the cost, you know that you need to save up £3k of your own money. That's £250 per month over the next 12 months between you and your partner. If you can afford that, then I'm with your Mum & D - do it next summer!

deliciouswitchchild

yeh, we're going to have a chat about it this evening as soon as he gets home from work. Up till now he's not been so committed to saving money but i'm going to get him to make a pact that we really really need to save the money up.