help please

radley1974

thanks very much

Verbatim

ex and would be ex-gamblers support thread

I'm sure someone will be along shortly to help but the link to the MSE giving up gambling support thread above might also be of use to you. There's also some stuff explaining DROs at the top of the page I believe.

Good luck.

ElleWoods

I recently said to another poster what I'm going to say to you - are you sure you can cope with the stress of dealing with this alone? I personally feel that in a relationship - especially one with children - there should be no secrets, and that difficult times should be shared. How would you feel if the boot were on the other foot? Would you want/expect him to confide in you? Fair enough, your partner doesn't have to contribute to paying off the debts if that's what you prefer but I honestly think that it would be a good idea to tell him and sit down to talk through how you intend to pay them off. Remember that if he finds out further down the line, he'll wonder why you felt you couldn't confide in him before, and may even wonder what else you're hiding from him. I know that personally if I was with a partner who admitted he was in debt from gambling (or whatever) but had a plan to sort it, I'd be shocked but would cope. If, however, I found out myself and realised he'd been hiding it for years, I'd be mad as hell. Also, how are you planning on paying your debt if you don't have a job? This may well be a situation where you will achieve more by attacking the debt together.

I hope I haven't spoken out of turn as I just want to help. I honestly think the stress of hiding this debt from the one person who is meant to stand by you in life will be too much - his support will be essential for you over the next few years.

Firstly, why not post your SOA and we'll see if there are areas you can cut back - however, you'll most likely need your partner's co-operation to implement any changes that will affect you both e.g. cutting back on food bills, or entertainment.

I don't really understand about DRO's but please ensure you are going via a company that Martin recommends. I don't think you should be paying any fees for this but someone with more knowledge on this should be along shortly to give you more info.

Good luck.

jdlem

Hello Radley,
I am a noob here, I’m trawling through these forums for information to help a friend in neeed. Just reading your posts about your situation. It’s startling similar to my friend I am trying trying to help. I would say the same thing to you as i did to my friend...don’t give up, don’t feel ashamed, in a way your a victim. Trying to get through these horrible things alone is a brave and courageous move, you are stronger than you think.
Although i don’t agree, I understand about trying to keep it from your partner as my friend was the same, I would highly recommend confiding in a friend you trust if you have one. As i know the relief my friend felt when they opened up to me.
Best of luck in your fight Radley, my heart goes out to you.

Giggles_Fairy

DRo is a form of banruptcy and should not be entered into lightly. Maybe an IVA would be more appropriate. Contact a recommended company for advice.

jellybean39

I think your rally brave for admitting to yourself there is a problem.
I used to play online bingo not so much anymore have the odd game a few months ago but it lost the joy when i realised the money i was spending could pay my debts.
If your hubby is asking for receipts that would tell me he dosent trust you any reason why? have you used his credit card for gambling at some point and he has clicked?
You do need to get some proper advice as if you have a mortgage it will effect that to!
I think your hubby should be the first person you should speak to because one thing i have learnt in the last couple of years that mine is the only person i can trust.
If he found out and you ahdnt told him and realised you ahd been hiding it from him it would probably be worse. Just knowing how i felt when an ex used to tell me we hd no money and found he was spending it all on himself and then told me i was stupid because i had trusted him.
Hope you amke the right decisionf or you and it gets sorted. Another member here had a similar situatuion her hubby not knowing about debt and he went mad but he settled down once the anger subsided and it turned out she was trying to let him think they did have the money to spend and he too no responsibility in checking himself so he was partly to blame. i think they are on the right track now.
mind you i found hubby had another 30k on top of what i thought we were in debt for so had a bit of shock myself! good luck in sorting it dont forget we are all here x

regret70

Hello Chick

I just wanted to say well done to you for holding your hands up and admitting what youve done. I have gotten myself into huge debts from gambling and I have met another person this week in the same position.

i can't answer your questions on DROs but I am in a DMP with payplan if that helps.

I mentioned to the other person we should start a group for ex women gamblers?

take care xx