advice on options please

dmbaxt

well OH decided to tell me that he no longer thinks he loves me anymore after 17 years together. He hasn't made a decision yet on what he wants to do - stay or go - although I think I know which one he wants.

I'm now in self preservation mode while waiting in limbo and am thinking all my options through with regards to our home along with everything else!

It's in joint names with our main mortgage and a second mortgage on the property - yes we were silly and got into trouble financially.

In total we owe about £25,000 on the main mortgage with 10 years left to pay and about £29,000 on the second mortgage with about 12 years left to pay. So about £54,000 altogether.

We currently pay about £510 per month for both which I know is high but because of our credit rating we couldn't get a lower rate - although it has been around 4 years now.

OH has previously said I could have the house no question, he wanted nothing as he would be the one responsible for the break up. Now he has changed his tune, which I don't blame him one bit for and said he would want his share of the equity.

The house is worth about £110,000 so about £56,000 of equity in there, but I haven't got the £28,000 it would take to buy him out. I don't want to leave my home and I know it would be difficult for me to get a private rent with my credit history.

What are my best options?

Should I speak to our mortgage lender to see if I could get the £23000 extra on the mortgage and extend the payment time? I currently take home £1130 per month.

Do I go for a sell to rent where I sell the house and rent it back - it would solve my credit scoring problem and mean I could stay here for at least a few years longer. It would also just about give me the money to pay him out and pay off the mortgage as it looks like they pay about 80% of the houses value

or do I ask a family member if they want in on the house - basically take hubby off deeds and associated paperwork, family member pays him off and I put him on the deeds instead so when I pay off mortgage I can pay him back plus interest or leave it to his children when I die

Sorry for rambling, I've got so much going round in my head right now and I really do hope hubby decides to stay, but I have to be realistic too.. if he goes I don't want to end up homeless as well as alone :(

martinthebandit

If you really are going down the separation and divorce route then your best (and only realistic option) is speak to a good divorce solicitor and then follow their advice.

Oh and the second bit of advice I can give is that after a divorce, in my experience, one of the parties seems to get on with life and ends up happy in a very short space of time and the other seems to dwell on what might have been and gets bitter and twisted and never seems to get happy.

i would strongly recommend you get yourself in the former rather than the latter camp

beecher2

I don't know anything about how these things work, but think it would be very unfair for your husband to get half of the equity if some of the debt was from consolidating existing debts which you presumably both racked up.

Do you have children?

Think you should seek professional advice on this one.

dmbaxt

thanks Martinthebandit I can assure you it won't be me being the bitter and twisted one should we separate which is why I'm trying to get things into perspective as much as I can should the worst happen.

He doesn't know what he wants or what will make him happy - I even asked him if he thought he would be happier on his own still doing the daily routine of work, home, bed, work, home, bed and he said no.
So he's in a right pickle and I am trying to be understanding and talking to him, but it's hard to hear someone you love so much say they don't know if they feel the same about you anymore

dmbaxt

beecher2 wrote: »

I don't know anything about how these things work, but think it would be very unfair for your husband to get half of the equity if some of the debt was from consolidating existing debts which you presumably both racked up.

Do you have children?

Think you should seek professional advice on this one.

No, we don't have children, neither of us wanted to have them.

and yes we both were responsible for the debts we aquired

holly_hobby

I am so sorry to hear of your troubles .... sending you a big hug (...)

Now lets get down to business ....

First things first ... I would advise strongly about any sale and rent back schemes - unless the provider will provide you with a lifetime tenancy (which only a local authority/housing association can do) you have absolutely no security with this time of scheme. This is only my opinion of course - but my professional opinion.

Secondly, your hubby can not be removed from the mge liability unless the lender is happy that you are able to service the loan yourself. (so he won't be so snug then will he !!)

Thirdly, yes of course I appreciate that you should wish any parting to be as amicable as possible, as bad blood does no one any good .. so you could approach your lender and have a general chat to see if they are happy that the figs stack up for tsf of equity/lending & any equity raising you may want to do.

Fourthly - involvement of a family member to effectively pch his share is possible. (if their income & status checks meet the underwriting standards of the lender). This is in effect a Transfer of equity (to non-spouse) - so the new borrower may be liable to future CGT as the property is not THEIR main residence - unless of course they move in with you . (although there are allowances that may reduce any debt).
BUT
you need to consider what will happen at some time in the future if the family member wants releasing from the mge liability - as by becoming party to the mge they will (as is the current case with your Hubby) become jointly and severally liable to the debt.

They will also if the changes are administered as Joint Tenants - have a legal right to 50% of any equity on disposal of the property. Upon your death, the propety reverts to them.

So you may wish to effect anything along these lines as Tenants In Common - whereby the property can be split in any proportion wished between the individuals party to the mge.

This is all ifs and buts ... but will give you a very general idea of what options are about ... of course, should you need to proceed with reschedule of any finances - I know that I dont need to advise you that professional & suitably qualified advice should be sought before you take any actions or decisions.

Hope this helps ... but do hope that you won't need to act on any of the above ... !!

Holly

sismith42

dmbaxt wrote: »

thanks Martinthebandit I can assure you it won't be me being the bitter and twisted one should we separate which is why I'm trying to get things into perspective as much as I can should the worst happen.

He doesn't know what he wants or what will make him happy - I even asked him if he thought he would be happier on his own still doing the daily routine of work, home, bed, work, home, bed and he said no.
So he's in a right pickle and I am trying to be understanding and talking to him, but it's hard to hear someone you love so much say they don't know if they feel the same about you anymore

Has he had councelling yet? Have you two together? That is a hard thing to hear! Is there a spare room that one of you could move into in the meanwhile (or the long while, depending on how you get on) Good luck!

dmbaxt

sismith42 wrote: »

Has he had councelling yet? Have you two together? That is a hard thing to hear! Is there a spare room that one of you could move into in the meanwhile (or the long while, depending on how you get on) Good luck!

Thanks for the good luck - I think I'm gunna need it.

I've asked him if he wants to go to councelling either together or him alone to see if that would help. He won't even entertain the idea. He's very much a 'it's my problem I'll sort it on my own thank you' kind of guy I am going to try to speak to him about seeing his GP though as it's making him ill, not eating properly or sleeping probably the stress or he's going into depression.

I've told him to do whatever he needs to do to come to a decision, no matter what that decision may be. Whether that be him moving into the spare room for a while or moving in with his mom for some space totally away from me. He doesn't know what he wants to do and is still in the same bed as me at the moment and sometimes I wake up with him hugging / snuggled up against me (although he says he can't remember doing it the next morning!)