Ex's wife smacked my son*UPDATE* and more advice needed

sarluk

just answer a few things...

Ds2 turned 12 few weeks back ds1 is now 18(stopped going before he turned 14) and has only seen ex's wife on a handful of occasions but only when other members of her or their own family have been there. She is as nice as pie when her or ds's family are there.

someone suggested ds2 having a day out with dad and 2 little ones without her...this will not happen she wouldnt allow it. When ds1 was going through all this she only had 1 son then and she told ds1 he wasnt allowed to touch him everytime he went near him. She is very spiteful and when ex goes to his parents(very rare) and she knows ds1 is going to be there she wont let him take her sons there.

Savvybunny2009

It seems that your ex is either torn between his son and gf or he cares more about his gf than his son, I don't want to place too much judgement not knowing the situation. It also sounds as if the gf has some underlying issues, she obviously doesn't like the fact he has a past and is acting out for dramatic effect.

Personally if it was me I would not my want my son around her, certainly not in the immediate future. As for her smacking the child, you and your ex need to make sure you are on the same wave length about boundaries. What kind of a woman would think it acceptable to strike a child? let alone someone elses is beyond me. Sadly if you can't get the ex on board in regards to boundaries then he needs to understand that the only option is to see him away from her. Perhaps a day out to a theme park/football/cinema? Perhaps she could see her family whilst your son goes there?

Either way I would explain to your son he has done nothing wrong by telling you about what has happened. He needs to know he can talk to you without getting in trouble and that honesty is always the best policy. Your ex needs to be on board with ths too.

The gf should think herself exceptionally lucky you haven't pressed charges!!

fannyanna

I am a step-mum and to be honest I find it really difficult. I can understand your exe’s Wife having the thoughts that you’ve mentioned. It’s not right but everyone has selfish thoughts about one thing or another at some point – it’s human nature!

What is however appalling is her allowing a situation to happen where your son has the potential to overhear what she says. What’s even worse is her manipulating the situation and making your Son feel as though he was in the wrong.

In a way I feel sorry for your ex as he’s stuck between a rock and a hard place – your Son and you and then his Wife. He can however do something about it. It’s clear that for the time being his Wife can’t be around your Son. Your ex should be thinking of things that he can do with your Son. Not only will this separate your Son and his Wife (which I appreciate shouldn’t be needed but ultimately it will benefit your Son) but it will mean that your Son gets to spend some quality time with his Dad – who despite all the upset that’s recently been caused he still enjoys seeing.

sarluk

"CL"...no this really isnt the case(i swear im not being biased cos hes my son). She did the same thing to ds1...and in all fairness ds1 did have attitude answering her back,sticking up for himself when she called him names,and sticking up for me when she called me names. He also refused to apologise when she gripped him around the face as he didnt feel he was in the wrong. But ds2 is totally different. He does not answer back or stick up for himself and when he was told to apologise he did it no questions asked(even tho he said to me he couldnt understand why he was being asked to apologise).He seriously is a very laid back well mannerd boy;)

CL

I think this woman obviously doesn't give a damn about her husband then. If your son is a nice boy, she should be doing everything in her power to help her husband keep his relationship with him going. I wouldn't allow my child to return there. I would tell the ex he is more than welcome to come and visit and bring his other children. I would explain to your son that you want to ensure his safety and happiness and that his father needs to do the same.

sarluk

The problem is ex will not come to see ds2 and take him out for a game of footie ect...or spend a day with him away from her. Ds1 asked his dad if he could just come up to see him for 1 afternoon a month to go for a walk or meal or just a coffee. Ex's reply was a firm no and told ds1 he was making him choose between his other family and him.

fannyanna

sarluk wrote: »

just answer a few things...

Ds2 turned 12 few weeks back ds1 is now 18(stopped going before he turned 14) and has only seen ex's wife on a handful of occasions but only when other members of her or their own family have been there. She is as nice as pie when her or ds's family are there.

someone suggested ds2 having a day out with dad and 2 little ones without her...this will not happen she wouldnt allow it. When ds1 was going through all this she only had 1 son then and she told ds1 he wasnt allowed to touch him everytime he went near him. She is very spiteful and when ex goes to his parents(very rare) and she knows ds1 is going to be there she wont let him take her sons there.

This is soooo sad.

Hermia

fannyanna wrote: »

I am a step-mum and to be honest I find it really difficult. I can understand your exe’s Wife having the thoughts that you’ve mentioned. It’s not right but everyone has selfish thoughts about one thing or another at some point – it’s human nature!

What is however appalling is her allowing a situation to happen where your son has the potential to overhear what she says. What’s even worse is her manipulating the situation and making your Son feel as though he was in the wrong.

My thoughts exactly. I have several friends/relatives who are step-mums. In an ideal world I think most of them would rather there weren't stepkids around, but they all do their best because they know it's not the kids fault. This woman either sounds incredibly childish or mentally ill. I just don't understand why the father can't see any of this. It's not natural for an adult to go and sulk in their bedroom like a stroppy teenager.

angelsmomma

My ex's wife swears under her breath (so dad can't hear)when she passes my son. He knows she dosen't like him but he loves his dad so still likes to go. Fortunately it is not often now as he mostly comes here to see him, its only about 4 times a year he stays over now so he puts up with it.

I make light of it and we have a giggle about how childish she is when he gets back. I think its mostly me she can't stand not him. I tell him this so he knows he has not done anything to deserve it.

His dad always sticks up for her if anything is said. I agree it must be hard for him as he is between a rock and hard place. That said if he caught her at it I really feel he would not be happy.

Edit Just seen the above post, she goes to sulk upstairs too when son is there

Spring_Time

I have no advice, sorry I just wanted to say I am so sorry for your poor son