Ex's wife smacked my son*UPDATE* and more advice needed

sarluk

Hi all,

Firstly would just like to thank everyone who replied and gave lots of helpful advice in my original thread a few weeks back. Also apologies for not replying/getting back sooner as have been under a huge amount of stress.

So just thought i'd update and really do need some more advice:(

After several conversations with ex i was assured that his wife would "behave" and never lay a finger on my son again. Did a lot of talking with ds2 and he decided he wanted to go back to his dads and just put it all behind him.

I was uneasy about this but he really just wanted to let it go. Well he went back 2 weeks after the incident happened and ex's wife ignored him all weekend. She spent most of the weekend sulking in her bedroom and refused to come down to eat/spend time with them. Ex had even bought ds2 bday cake cos it was his bday few days later and she wouldnt even come down to sing happy bday when ex lit the cake with them all or even say goodbye to him when he left to come home. Ex and her also argued at regular intervals upstairs in the bedroom whilst my ds2 sat down stairs listening to them with her 2 little ones.

Ds2 was upset about the arguing and the fact she ignored him but in the next breath he said he was happy to see his dad and not have to see her all weekend. I tried to explain that this isnt normal behaviour and maybe he should really think about if he really wants to carry on going there and if he could put up with this type of behaviour. He said he wanted to go again and to see if things were better.

Well roll on few weeks later to this weekend just gone. He went to stay there again. He came home sunday and this is what happened. His dad picked him up up fri eve and most of the journey to his(he now lives almost 2 hr drive away) he spent telling ds2 that hed made a big fuss about nothing and should not of come home and told me that his wife had hit him, that he should of just told his dad and never of mentioned it to me and when they where to reach dads house he was to apologise to wife for causing a fuss and even told ds2 exactly what to say.

Ds2 did as he was told and apologised :mad:and she said: "Well its too late now, you've caused all this trouble and now i cant do anything with you incase i touch you or it happens again and you go snitching to ur mum":eek::mad: She then turned into huff and sat watching tv. Ds2 just sat down. She then stormed off upstairs and stayed there all weekend.

Later that night when ds2 was in bed he heard them begin to argue and heard her scream to his dad "i dont care about him, all i care about is me, you and our 2 sons. I dont want anything to do with him he's your son, you better sort him out". Again they argued at regular intervals over the weekend

Ds2 has had enough. He wants to see his dad and half brothers but not her. Im obviously livid and very upset. I am disgusted that his dad made him apologise, in effect for her hitting him then him telling me. It makes no sense She should be apologising to ds2. Im livid that my son has been treated like this. Its the EXACT same way my ds1 was treated before he decided to no longer go there.

I just dont know how to go about making sure she does not see or come into contact with him again. Ds2 really wants to see his dad...but so did ds1 when this was happening to him but dad refused to come and see him and told him" you want to see me you come here"(where she is). Ds1 wouldnt and is so angry towards his dad and it is still affecting him now 5 years later.

Does anyone know where i stand? I am NOT allowing my son near her but ex will insist that he still goes there and i really need to know where i stand in making sure ds2 never goes near her again.
Thanks.

System

your poor son, she sounds like a complete !!!!! if i'm honest. Is there anyway he can maybe have a day out on neutral ground with his dad and half-siblings without her around?

make_me_wise

I remember your first post about all this. My take on the situation is that your ex's new wife has mental health problems. The way your ex treated your son on his last visit is nothing short of emotional abuse. I would not want any child of mine exposed to that either, so I empathise with how you feel.

How old is your son? Personally if you can afford to I would be contacting a solicitor. Stating clearly to them what has been going on and seeing where you stand legally. If your child is old enough I am sure his feelings and thoughts about further contact would be taken into account.

It all sounds very damaging to me. I feel very sorry for the little kids that are around that awful woman 24/7, poor little souls.

scooby088

On one hand i can see her point in not giving a damn about your son as he is not her family, but to take things out on him is well out of order, i would suggest you really dont let your son going to see his father again. I wouldn't want to spend anytime with this cow and she is really showing herself up as a child herself.

soupdragon10

It could be argued that by letting your DS go into this environment where there is someone who uses physical punishment that you are putting him at risk. It may have been a smack (as I haven't read your previous post I don't know) but she sounds less than in control and you don't want to run the risk of the situation escalating.

It's difficult as your DS want quite naturally to see his father, but it does sound as though she has issues relating your ex's children. Are his parents close to where he lives, as this might be a neutral meeting ground where she is not in the driving seat.


At the end of the day you have to put your child's welfare first, even if it means upsetting him in the short term. Are the access arrangemets informal, in which case could you look into formalising them to specify that she doesn't have contact with your DS?

Do hope you manage to sort this out.

Slinky_Malinky

If this were my little boy I would phone Social services and ask for the advice and support of the Child Protection team. While the step mum was certainly wrong to have hit him, what his dad did to him by twisting it to look like your son`s fault and making him apologise is even worse. Don`t let them mess with his head or put him in a situation where he could get hurt again ( physically or emotionally). A friend of mine had to involve CP when her ex`s new girlfriend was being abusive to her son and now the dad can only see the child on his own away from the home he shares with the new gf.

AmandaD28

If as she says " he means nothing to her and she does not care about what happens to him" why on earth does she feel it is her place to smack him !! bloody cheek of it if you ask me there is something wrong with her does she usually physically abuse other people's children ??

Your poor son ! I don't know the legal viewpoint but think grandparents sounds like a good place to start if not then I am afraid I wouldn't be having him going at all he should be allowed to see his father but without her there and I don't think a court in the land could call you unreasonable for this action I have no further advice but just wanted to send my sympathies.

I live with a man who is not my boys "father" he wouldn't dream of treating them this way he'd be out on his ear soooo quickly if he even thought about it even though in every other respect than biology he is their dad !!

How very dare she

Hope you sort something out OP xx

j.e.j.

It sounds like this woman does not want the kids from the previous marriage round there, - she wants your ex to herself and to concentrate on their little family. By behaving the way she does she's hoping to put your son off going. It sounds like she did this with your first son and got what she wanted (sorry, have not read the first thread)

I think it's despicable that she's prepared to treat a child like this :mad:

Nasty, childish woman, - I just hope what goes around comes around! I've a feeling it'll all come back and bite her on the bum one day..

minimoneysaver

I don't understand why you are letting your son go somewhere where he is in danger of both physical and mental abuse? Why would anyone let their child go into that situation? My opinion is get a solicitor involved and you make the choice to not let him go. Your job as a parent is to protect your child and if your EX OH can't provide a safe, nurturing environment for your child, then your child doesn't go.

gingin_2

make_me_wise wrote: »

The way your ex treated your son on his last visit is nothing short of emotional abuse.

It's just going to chip away at him every time he goes. How very, very sad. She's emotionally blackmailing the ex and emotionally bullying/abusing your son, as is the ex.

How easy is it to talk to the ex without the witch's interference?

CL

This woman obviously does not know how to treat children and is a witch. But saying that, is there any chance your son could be behaving very badly when at his father's house and she is afraid that he is a bad influence on her children. No excuse I know, but I'm just trying to understand why she would want to drive him away.