Hmmm so i wanna be debt free....

hibees1875_2

I've been on the mailing list for this site for ages now and i've always tried to be a canny buyer (haggling in curry's for 20quid off with free delivery etc)

Also look for best deals with the ol' cash back sites... pigsback 5 free cd's (re-sold on amazon) and 10quid boots voucher so far.... mutualpoints 55quid to date....

But all of that pails into insignificance when i realised deep down it was not my money i was spending.... it was the bank's money and i was sliding down the slope to misery...

well, after much soul searching, and also my new wife's Mary Poppin's style caution with finances, i'm forced to admit.... i spend to much money, im a spendaholic, im in debt... and im ready to face up to what must be done.

Only trouble is, where to begin....

Ive "borrowed" a note pad from work, and im jotting down who i owe and what i owe them (im working night shift for extra money...and time to sort things out). Not sure i'm ready to tell the whole world this yet as i'm still getting used to "coming out" as being up the proverbial creek.

The trouble was, i thought i knew it all. I thought because i was making regular payments that i was managing it. Well, i ain't. I have to admit it. But i want to manage my finances better.

You'd have thought being a yorkshireman, from a poor background that i'd have more sense... but sense has nothing to do with it. I think at this early stage it's about confronting your FEARS. And boy am i scared.

But the time is now... less talking, more action... hmmm... online shopping is not good... especially with christmas drawing closer... Dear Santa, for christmas I would really really really really like............

Xbigman

Confronting your debts is hard. Subconsciously anyone in serious debt blocks out the details. An SOA is a real eye opener but it can take time to put it all together and face the facts. Just relax and work out the figures for yourself then, if you want to, post it on here for some help.
Good luck.



X

hibees1875_2

One of the problems is working with people that become depressed due to money worries... it kinda makes you block it out so you dont succumb in the same way... but im gonna work on my SOA. Cheers.

hibees1875_2

ok, well ive been browsing some other forums and putting in some posts and im getting a good vibe at the moment.

But i know it wont last. especially when i get home to my other half. I always get a sick feeling of dread whenever she is in room and it comes to topic of money or if carol vorderman is on doing her consolidating loan ads. my OH is really good at saving and it makes me sick.

i envy her.

and i feel doubly bad that i'm hiding my debts from her. but i know if she knew it would crush her. she is so anti debts of any sort.

i while back i even changed some of my cc's to online paper free statements just so i didnt have them coming through the post and thereby avoid difficult questions about what they were and why.

it's a bit like an addiction like alcoholism. you deny it and hide it from those you love, until.... well, perhaos i will hide this forever... now is definitely not the right time of year to open up.

but now i feel angry. with myself. with lenders. with my other half for being so good with money.

im avoiding my SOA for now. instead im writing to capital one to request info of all the charges they have made on my cc to try and see if i can get some money back.

no more shopping days til xmas for me.

kippers

I'm new to this forum too. I think you should talk to your other half and explain what has happened and how you need her help. Your new wife isn't going to leave you if she finds out about your debt. She may be angry for a while but she loves you and she will help you. It will probably make you closer in the long run.

Read everything you can on this forum about clearing debts to find the best way forward. Things are a night-mare for you now but things can only get better now you have decided to put things right....be strong!

whatatwit

Welcome Hibees, you may find it easier to talk with your wife, when you have got your own head round your SOA.

Once you have a definite plan, it will become easier for you.

Good luck, the hardest step has already been taken.

raq

i FINALLY opened up to my other half last Friday , and boy am I glad I did. Sad to say but I knew every date the statements would drop to the floor. One good thing he;s in work. A whole weight have been lifted from me and we are working through this together. Such great support and I don't know what I would have done without him. He said "It's both our problem and not just mine ".

Best to open up I'd say

hibees1875_2

perhaps ure right.. once i have got my head round my SOA then perhaps i will feel better about telling her...

maybe it can be a new year resolution... i will have to think about that.

lynzpower

Welcome!

theres nothing shameful about debt, but its nothing to boast about either

But getting debt free is something to be PROUD of.

Doing something about it is something to be PROUD of

taking control and getting your money working for you rather than vice versa is something to be PROUD of.

Dont be despondent- youve found the best debt support on the internet Loads of lovely people here, loads of advice, and pots of support, but you have to want it- the harder you want it the easier it will be- promise

Lynz

jenchin66

Welcome Hibbes. Admitting your debt tp yourself is the hardest. I have owed money on a capital1 card for about 4 years. Been only paying the minimum amount all that time, hiding the statements as well. Since discovering this site 2 months ago I have started chucking everything I can at it and its now down to half what it was:T

Good luck with sorting yourself out

OneSpike

whatatwit wrote:

Welcome Hibees, you may find it easier to talk with your wife, when you have got your own head round your SOA.

I was going to say more or less the same thing - get straight in your head what's what before you talk to her. If you can show her that you know how much you owe and to whom, she might take it better as you will sound organised about it and therefore strong and more difficult to get really stroppy with! It's great that she's good with money (thank god one of you is ) but that doesn't mean she's right and you're wrong - I'm sure she has her failings too! See if you can work together to get things sorted - working nights for some extra dosh is a start.

Let us know how it goes