help!! single mum large mortgage..250K

singlemum_to_3

hi am newly single with three lovely boys 2 of which are autistic and have been left with a very large mortgage :mad:that i need to pay off early!!would like to have some money in my pocket rather than the banks or my exess ( sorry cant spell!) am self employed and work from home just need some support ....and money ha ha ps am new to posting this is my first time so hope it goes ok and no i cant sleep tonight as i only got dumped after 20yrs together today sorry yesterday

Accountant_Kerry

Chin Up. You will be better off without him.

You'll get loads of support here,

Have you done a statement of affairs? (see the debt free wanna be board for the proforma) This will help people point out where you can save money. Good luck.

singlemum_to_3

hi thanks , my sister has it all in hand as she has always worked in banking and accounts shes very obsed by money... so i hope with her help i can do this, i just feel very guilty that i cant do as much for the boys as i wish .... and the thought of being on my own ( im only hee 45 :cool:) for the rest of my life and doing it all on my own scares the heck out of me ... is there any one else how is on there own thats has managed on there own...if you see what i mean:o

dimbo61

Well to have that size mortgage then your EX must have been earning a good wage and you need to look on the CSA website at how much he should be paying for maintence.
You need to talk to each other and not via solictors at £150 an hour.
Good Luck and lots of people on here have been there done that!

cha97michelle

Ah hon. Don't rush into overpaying without dealing with all the other emotional stuff too as it is all so fresh for you. Concentrate on yourself and your kiddies.

I know it is sometimes good to have a challenge, and you certainly have a big one. If it is support to keep you going mortgage wise, we can do that.

You need a plan hon. Let us know and we will talk you through it. You are certainly not the only single parent on the board. How old are your kids? And how much do you have to do to help them with their autism?

LilacPixie

Don't rush let yourself adjust.. Also make sure you are getting all the help you possibly can with your kids, be it financial from your now EX, support from school/learning co-ordinators.. Is the break permenant IE is he having a stupid mid life crisis and will try skulk back in a few weeks when he discovers really he is a middle aged bloke and not a teenager now?

A friend of my husband did that, very green eyed about younger friends out every weekend getting rat assed to the point he left his lovely wife to chase his dream single life only to quickly discover that he had made the bigest mistake of his life and 7 months on he is still battling his wife for orgivness and they are still living apart.

meer53

dimbo61 wrote: »

You need to talk to each other and not via solictors at £150 an hour.
/QUOTE]
Fantastic advice !!
What about CTC and WTC ? Would you be eligible for those ? When my ex traded me in for a younger model, i got legal aid for my divorce BUT it ran out when i got as far as Decree Nisi.
I made the decision to leave it there, why should i pay more money to divorce him when he was the one who had left me ? And thats where we are 9 years later !!
If he wants a divorce, he can pay !
Try to sort it out between you both but try not to rush things, make him wait. Concentrate on yourself and your children first, it's not just up to you to pay off your mortgage, he has to contribute in some way, get some free legal advice to begin with, you'll feel much better soon. Keep your chin up xxxx It will get better xxxx

singlemum_to_3

hi thanks for all the nice coments and support ...its a little complicated but will try to explain: my ex and i have been very good friends for 20 yrs but only in a relationship for 8yrs he is not the boys father, that all got sorted with divorce and maintanance etc yrs ago, no the reason for the very large mortgage is that i took some delapodated barns as part of my divorce setlement 8yrs ago worth aprok £125 k my present ex put up the money ie £125k for me to do them up and from which i now live with my kids and run my buisness from, he has always lived next door we have never actualy lived full time together mainly because of the problems my 2 eldest have, soooo i am now in the proces of buying him out and the value of the barn is double what i ow him obviously. :eek:

sorry if im rambling it feels realy funy puting this all down in blk n white, sothats the reason for the very lg mortgage and i cant just sell and move because of the buisness and as i have no retirement pakages the barn is my whole retirement fund when i cant or dont want to work any more but that does mean clearing it all sooner rather than laterie before im 65 i hope . i think that all makes sence , the hardes thing is thought of doing it all on my own very scary:o

Accountant_Kerry

Ok, the more info makes it a little easier, there are plenty on here that will offer tea and sympathy, unfortunately I am not that type. Sorry.

However practical advice I can give, do you have a mortgage already for the £250k or will you be getting one to buy him out? and if so are you sure you will be able to get a mortgage for this amount? Once you have his house back will you keep it or sell it?

Do you really owe him £250k, does he actually own the barn or do you or do you just need to repay the loan of £125k? This is your and your kids future so you may need to play hard ball.

singlemum_to_3

hi thanks good advice is more than welcome:D the barn is in my name and always has , i owe aprox £98k at 5.99% fixed till oct with GE money and the rest i am paying him back at £600 permonth no interest ( hees loaded and took the interest bit off in jan when things where starting to get tight with a slow down in buisnes form me) is that of any help i do get a variety of benefits including diabilitty for the two boys but the eldest is 16 this year so it all changes.

thanks for all the help and support.:)

singlemum_to_3

:eek:oh yes the whole lot runs till im 65:mad: