In a complete mess of unsecured debt - please help

gettingbackontrack

Good to hear you have a plan of action. I know I felt better once I started to adjust my outgoings and could see how I could make a difference. well done for posting here too - it's not easy to admit to a problem and no-one will judge you. Nearly 4 years ago I had £52,000 of unsecured debt. It's now £20,000 which feels much better (most of the time....) and I know I can get rid of it eventually. Stay strong - you will get there.

jwil

Good luck grocerymiser, you will get there.

Hales82

We're in a similar situation, with a bit more debt than you.

In January we had a bit of a financial meltdown and realised this cannot go on. We were paying a stupid amount a month in CC and loan repayments, we both earn good salaries and it was just being swallowed up by debt.

We decided to go down the DMP route with the CCCS. I didn't find them harsh at all, in fact we've now got money in our budget for things we never could afford before. It is been a shock to the system having to stick to a budget, but it's a change that had to happen. I just wish it happened sooner.

When I think back to how much we used to spend and how we used to spend willy-nilly it makes my eyes water. We certainly had a champagne lifestyle on a lemonade budget. Now we budget properly and it's a great feeling knowing that all my priority debts are paid and all the money left over is for us. Sure it's not loads, but it's enough to keep us fed and watered with a little bit for entertainment. We pay just over £1k a month to the CCCS and should (hopefully) be debt free in about 5 years.

I hope you manage to find a solution that works for you. I would absolutely recommend you complete the Debt Remedy on the CCCS site, it will give you a good idea of what your budgets would be.

BAILEYS6904

Peversely enough, your grocery spend could be cut and you could become more of a miser!! It sounds really naff, but try and work out when Tesco/Asda do their 'whooops' offers (my local store is wednesdays just after school run lol). Fresh meat, cakes, bread etc- stuff that they sell fresh that can be thrown in the freezer! Last run bought tesco finest cheesecakes, eclairs, mississipi mud pie etc for about £3, my son thought it was great, and all but the mud pie is fine for the freezer.

Other people have pointed out other cutbacks, i disagree that the combined income is low, I'd say its quite good (obviously dependant on which part of the country your in).

HOWEVER

You need to tell your OH. The deception will hurt more that the debt, and the longer it goes on, the worse it will be. Most people can handle cut backs (look at the country!), they cant handle the lies or at the very least, not being told.

Almost every week someone posts, like you, to admit debts have got too much, cant tell the partner becuase theyre scared they'll leave them etc.

I dont think Ive seen one person that has had their partner leave- dont get me wrong, I'm sure 'stern words' are passed, but they always say the same thing, that the deception is worse.

HTH

mrcow

There is absolutely no way this is going to work. You sound like you're on the edge - and are trying to hide it from your partner. It's never going to work. You can't sweep this under the carpet or pay lip service to it - you are in complete denial.

You need to tell her. Don't say it's not an option - she has a right to know. It's actually the only option.

Seriously - wake up, admit to your problems and then start working this out as a family. There is no other solution. It's great that you want to sort this out, but you're never going to make it alone.

dancingfairy

I'm not sure you can continue to hide 50k's worth of debt to be honest. Does she know about the 5k in her name or did you run it up without telling her?
You need to tell her because if she thinks everything is fine and is spending and you're trying not to then that's going to cause stress and tension.
I also thought that if you had any joint financial products such as a mortgage etc then your finances were linked so if she needed credit etc she would struggle due to your debts? that's how I thought it worked -I'm sure someone will correct me if I'm wrong.
Perhaps you can start my saying something like I've heard how much debt people are in these days or even the countries cutting back or I read this article/heard that.... depending on how she reacts to that you could then maybe say er well I've run up a bit of debt - I'm currently researching my options but I'm going to deal with it and then perhaps eventually tell her that you've had a problem with gambling and been a bit of a * and that you owe x,y,z but are committed to dealing with it.
Best of Luck
df

secretshopper75

I agree, tell your partner, two heads are better than one.

nic_santorini

I might be barking up the wrong tree, but if you are a police officer, you are allowed to CCJ's and go bankrupt, it is a common misconception but as long as the debt management is legal which bankruptcy is, then I know police officers that have gone this route. I would speak to your Federation if you are, if you are not, then ignore the last. Police Officers are people too and anyone can get into debt. Whatever your walk of life, good luck.

Mrs_Trouble

Speaking as someone who has hidden debt from their partner, you must tell them. I have spent many years of sleepless night, worrying alone - frightened what my Husband would say. He now knows and it really is a problem shared. He is fully onboard and I feel in control of the debt and a plan to pay it back.

Your Wife will no doubt be furious, hurt, angry, upset but if you are strong you will get through it and hopefully be stronger for it.

Please tell her, she deserves to know and you can then do this together.

Maybe you should write it all down and print off any documents from the CCCS so that she can see you are trying to sort something out.

Good luck.

theerroll

Hi,
I had an amount of unsecured debt which I hid from my partner for 2 years, telling her was the best thing I ever did.
If you start changing phone numbers, recieving alot of mail etc... then it'l start to look suspicous, and as already said the lies will hurt more than the debt.
A couple of points to make... I'm in a very sensitive job role, any debt is seen as bad, I'm required to have a DV which enables me access to very sensitive information, any bad debts and they automatically assume I'll easily be bribed an swap my debt for information which I'm privvy to. Now. If I alert my superiors or outside agencies which conduct this DV process then they don't mind, they wnt to know I'm sorting it, and I'll likely be checked more often than other DV holders but as long as they know thats the main thing. While I'm not aware of your job role and wont ask, it'l be worth doing a little research and finding out if there is anyone you could speak to, it wont help your debt but it will ease some pressure off you and might allow you to declare yourself bankrupt enter into an IVA etc...

Also your emergency fund.... how many years have you been keeping £30 a month aside? I had a little giggle because I do this for the exact same amount and the wife laughs at me! But is this not an emergency? Is it possible you could pay off one of your cards? are you able to pay a chunk off a card?
Also your holiday fund....
I recommend clearing card 4 ASAP it's the lowest amount, and then if it comes to it and your cards get cancelled, youl still have card 4 - EMERGENCIES ONLY then you've essentially replaced your emergency fund which you have used to pay off/ pay towards another card.
Get in touch with each of the C/C 1,2,3,5,6 ETC... (Not card 4) tell them your problems and arrange to pay each month the minimum you can afford, tell them £10-£15 a month, send it in writing to and get written confirmation back from them.
Use £500 a month from your available budget plus your holiday fund and the old £30 a month thats £630 to one card only - until card 1 is paid, then move to card 2 etc... its a pain in the !!! and the creditors might take some persusaion but itl be worth it. Follow any money saving technqiues you've learnt and you could increase the £630 a month even further.

Also..... when you're talking to the creditors, tell of them this situation, mention your child, if you agree to close the account they might accept lower settlement figure than what you actually owe provided you can pay it there and then... BUT YOU HAVE TO ASK.
I'd say its imperative to keep that C/C 4 you'll need that. If you want any more strategies or help pm me or email me if my address is showing.
My next step now is trying to get defaults removed, so far Ive been successful with 2 of 6, try and avoid these if you can, let the creditors know that you DO NOT want defaults showing up on your creidit reports, if you can avoid them do so!

Good luck!