Need help with our debt

CH27

Hannah_10 wrote: »

There was zero hostility in it, how are you going to address a debt that has grown by £33k in secured and £32k in unsecured debt over 10 years (£6.5k a year) without addressing the £3k a year leisure spending? This figure represents between a fifth and a sixth of all money spent after the mortgage and council tax! Their leisure spending is higher than all utilities put together, even including phones. Thread after thread after thread links unneccessary spends to distraction from unhappy life events (shopaholics with alcoholic husbands, depression following loss of a job etc). With a distraction bill weighing in at half the entire debt problem on it's own why would it not be right to reflect on any potential causes of that? And how would anyone address the root of emotional/comfort spending without looking for what that root was?

That is the trouble with the typed word. It's tone can be misunderstood.

I accept what you are saying, it's the tone I thought was off.

NeverAgain_2

...Actually Hannah I thought your post was a bit rude...

Actually Hannah I thought your post was fine.

The question: "Is your marriage alright?" is perfectly reasonable, particularly when it was asked in the solicitous way you did.

Your point about enjoying each other's company (free), instead of always doing stuff (at cost), is a good general one.

We used to go to the park to kill a few hours (free), but now for many families it's the local shopping centre (free entry, but we all know what's likely to happen).

I've seen a few threads recently where the OP has been very, very touchy.

I've very rarely seen the 'no judgments' rule broken.

It would be a pity if those who can offer useful answers are reluctant to post for fear of being branded rude or judgmental.

mildredalien

It seems you have a lot of 'entertainment' or 'exercise' spends that you see as absolutely necessary. Of course you need to take medical issues into account in your personal circumstances, but it might be a good idea to have a rethink and see if there are ways of reducing the costs of these necessities. For example, exercising at home, walking, jogging etc. can be free or minimal cost.

And of course, your husbands bike is his pride and joy and it would be an awful shame for him to sell it. But, if you are saying that you really can't go on the way you have been then SOMETHING has to give. If it isn't going to be gym membership/classes then what will it be?

I would have a look at the old style board for good ideas about saving on food costs, there is loads of help and support there I'm sure there are threads on this board about eating on a super-low budget as well if you do a bit of searching... it's amazing how you can get by on next to nothing when you have to!

mildredalien

p.s. I've also been struggling with food costs - even just feeding myself I can manage to spend £200/month! Might be worth keeping a spending diary for food to see really where it all goes (record everything from a loaf of bread or chocolate bar at the corner shop, to a big weekly trolleyfull, the wine or beer you have at the pub and any takeaways).

Ditzy_Bird

Hannah_10 wrote: »

Wow. :eek: You have read hostility into everwhere it wasn't and gone for the name calling and personal digs on top of that.

At no point did I call you, or anyone else, any names nor did I give any personal digs at anyone. I came here to ask for some financial advice, I did not come here to have rude people ask if my marriage was in trouble. If it was in trouble and I wanted your opinion on what to do about it I would have said so.

I thought this was supposed to be a friendly helpful forum, not a sticky beak judgemental one, but obviously judging from the likes of Hannah I was wrong.

I wouldn't want you to waste your precious time looking at my finances Hannah when you could easily be spending your time poking your large unwanted nose into other peoples lives so don't bother. I won't be coming back.

caitlyn22

NeverAgain wrote: »

Actually Hannah I thought your post was fine.

Hannah, I'm sure you don't need further reassurance but I agree with NeverAgain, I thought your post was fine too.

I think the kind people who give their time to advise on here, assume that once someone has posted, then that poster has had their 'true' light-bulb moment, and are ready for the truly tough times ahead that means examining their lives in more detail, particularly when they are posting about shortfall in finances linked to living beyond their means.

However for many, the recognition of a sticky financial situation comes before the true light-bulb moment when 'what' has to give becomes apparent and, more importantly, 'why'. Theres probably about 3 stages to the light going on - and even when it's on, it flickers occasionally!

It might be that I'm happy and secure in my relationship but if someone asked me if my relationship was in trouble, (or any similar probing question) the first thing I'd do is think about it and qualify my answer to myself, before assuming that the person asking was just being rude - this forum IS helpful. But help doesn't always come in a form that we're happy to receive it in!

Stick around Ditzy Bird, you'll get some good advice here!

DVardysShadow

Ditzy_Bird wrote: »

But we don't own the house? The mortgage company do? And are our net assets only -£9,000 if we sold our house? I see I didn't put enough 0s in the house value column though :(

Yes, putting the house value down as 115000 rather than 115 will make the net assets correct [if you redo the calculator, rather than edit the print out]

Roughly, your mortgage lender does own a substantial portion of the house, but it is more accurate to say that you own the house and you owe the mortgage. This is reflected in the SoA calculators.

chevalier

If your expenses are as low as you can make them, then you need to increase your expenditure. What about mystery shopping. It can be quite lucrative and can be fit around other work. Can you retrain or go for promotion to get more money? What about hubby?

Whilst I understand that you took offence at the probing of your relationship, you need to understand that really quite often when the forum members have got further into helping some people, it comes out that the partner has some pretty destructive habits, which are fueling the debt. Obviously that isn't the case here, but perhaps my explanation will clarity why the question was asked.

One of the things I did when I wanted to cut down, was to get a months worth of shopping at a time (assuming you have storage) to cut down on spending on extras in the shopping! I also then put the receipt on the fridge door. Each time I threw some food away, I put a red line through the receipt. At one time we were terrible wasters of food - as much as £50 a month! So perhaps this might give you an idea of any waste in that area?

There is an up your income thread on the forums which might give you some new ideas to bring in some extra money.

Ref your extensive use of the gym for training and medical reasons. Can you maybe get a green prescription from your Dr's to get the gym membership cheaper again?

good luck with moving forward. But I would be very worried if I had put on that much debt in only 10 years. I hope you can find a solution that can help
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