Child support and divorce settlement

njb80

I am new to this but have reached the end of my tether and need some advice so any would be very much appreciated.
I am currently getting divorced amicably and my partner pays me the required child support, the house is to be sold so we can both move on and I currently pay all the bills and am happy to stand on my own two feet. There is little to no equity in my house so not much to be split once the house is sold.
The problem is with my new partner and his ex wife and as he is soon to move in with me I want things to be sorted sooner rather than later.
She doesn't work and never has and has lived with her new partner for the past 18 months and he has never worked in this time either. According to the CSA he should pay her £320 a month child support but is currently paying the mortgage at £475 because she wont sell the house, giving her £100 cash and paying her phone bill £60 because otherwise she wont let him talk to the children. The house has a 75000 mortgage and is worth approx £155000.
As they are both unemployed they dont pay council tax, they dont run a car and their bills are £150 approx per month. With the benefits they receive and the money from my partner she has £1000 a month to live off yet is constantly complaining that she is poor and can't make ends meet and is doing things such as throwing out the kids shoes and telling my partner to buy new ones or they cant go to school.
The children are unhappy as she is moaning about her 'financial troubles' to them and have said they don't even want to live with her anymore although it is certainly not our wish to take the children from their mother and we are fully aware of how children can say one thing to one parent and something entirely different to another.
Everytime my partner tries to cut down what he is paying she stops him seeing the children and sends dozens of abusive text messages. He knows if he doesnt pay the mortgage and gives her the amount the csa recommends she won't pay it and he doesn't want his credit rating damaged.
She has told him mediation won't work as she has no intention of being reasonable and she won't be happy till he loses everything he has got.
We aren't well off and both he and I work full time and I also have 2 young children to look after so the situation doesnt' seem particulary fair from where i'm standing as we are paying out £1200 a month in mortgages alone and we are working a lot of hours while both her and her partner sit at home all day with no intention of getting a job ( she has made this quite clear to my partner ).
The biggest concern of all is how she is using the children to manipulate the situation and the effect this is having on them.
He is still attending mediation but from past experience this seems unlikely to work as this has already been going on for the past 18 months. Any advice would be greatly appreciated as I really don't know where to go from here so this can be resolved.

mrsspendalot

I think he needs to see a solicitor re the house, and fast. He is paying the mortgage on his ex wife's house even though she has another partner living there with her? This can't be right, surely?

I would also seriously suggest he speak to either the solicitor or the CSA direct regards his child maintenance liability if he is paying the mortgage - I doubt he would be expected to pay both? But I don't know.

Sounds like a nightmare - poor you!!!

gambit27

I would go to a lawyer, if the ex's house is in joint names, and she cannot pay the mortgage, he can take her to court to force a sale, this would give them both a 50/50 share in the profit, and enable them both to move on. Have to say, she sounds like a lovely lady! Just wondering about the kids, how old are they? Would he possibly be better off with custody of the children? Something to think about as she seems to be using them to control your partner, his money, and his health! The kids don't seem happy either, which is something that would be high on my priority list.

kelloggs36

I know that he doesn't want to ruin his credit rating, but he needs to think about what will make his and your lives easier. He legally should pay child support, which he does, but he shouldn't have to pay both - I would tell her that he won't pay the mortgage any longer as he can't afford it and if it ruins his credit record, then so be it - it will be a temporary thing anyway and he can regain his credit record again - clearly this is a last resort, but she will be getting her child support and benefits, out of which she could pay the mortgage - in fact she may even qualify to get some of the interest paid by the benefits agency!

13Kent

STOP paying cash straight away - the PWC can deny any payments were made and the CSA in our experience will believe the PWC and arrears may build up. Any mortgage payments made will be deemed as voluntary payments and discounted by the CSA. Presumably the CSA have taken the PWC's housing costs into account when the calculated the liability, so there should be no need to pay any more. My OH paid everything still when his marriage broke up ( his ex had a series of boyfriends so it wasn't his choice to leave the family home) he continued to pay all the bills such as tv license, house insurance, mortgage, joint loan etc etc for a couple of years until the CSA got involved - initially he was hoping they would get back together. He was also giving her cash which she denied she ever received - landing us with thousands of pounds worth of arrears for child support that had already been paid - he paid twice and then some!!

He finally stopped paying the mortgage and bills (after a lot of "discussions" between us about the situation) when the CSA assessment was done and his PWC's boyfriend moved in - why should he pay for her partner's living costs? It caused a lot of nastiness at the time, including the pwc telling the children Daddy wouldn't give her any money (despite paying the CSA amount). She still persisted and he gave extra cash for school uniforms etc on top of CSA payments until I made him realise that she wasn't being fair and hadn't been for a long time - the final straw was her asking for money for sports equipment for a club the children wanted to join - he said no, and she told the children they couldn't go because Daddy wouldn't buy the kit and even put them on the phone so Daddy could explain why. It was heartbreaking, but we stood our ground, (the children still joined the club in the end incidentally with kit bought presumably from the £600 a month CSA payments that he was making regularly). It was all about emotional blackmail and seeing how much she could get from us, and after that she realised we weren't going to do it any more and the requests stopped.

It's a hard slog but sooner or later the NRP will have to make a stand - we just couldn't afford to keep paying the extras all the time. The divorce made it all the more final although it took a long time as she dragged her feet, and as part of the settlement she got to keep the house that he had paid the mortgage on for a number of years after they had split up. But it meant we could move on with our lives.

In my opinion The best way is to pay the amount the CSA ask via the CSA - then there is no dispute about what has been paid and when, - also that is the amount the NRP is obliged to pay and nothing more. Any extra payments would be at the disgression of the NRP and will not be counted.

Good luck!

gratefulforhelp_2

Your new partner needs to see a solicitor and get 1. contact and 2. the house sorted out asap. He does need to pay child support, as I imagine he will be building up arrears if she has gone to the CSA, and I guess it is only a matter of time before she does that?

I can see your frustration that she has lots of spending money and you don't, but try not to bring that into it, as it won't help.

RAS

Start by getting the house onto an interest-only mortgage, and seriously consider a payment holiday long enough to give time to get an order for sale.

Then pay the proper CSA and think throught he istuation regarding the children.

clearingout

He needs to stop !!!!!-footing around in mediation and file for ancillary relief through the courts. That way, there's a court imposed timetable for everything getting sorted and she'll have to stick with it. It will be costly in terms of legal expenses but if it stops things, surely that's worth it?

For the children, see Families Need Fathers. It is widely recognised that you don't need legal reprsentation to get a Contact Order as the courts favour contact with both parents.