Counselling- Experiences wanted

dori2o

Following my return to work my employer has advised they feel I should attend counselling for my depression/frustration/anxiety problems.

I suffer from severe chronic pain and have done for a number of years. The OHA made clear in his report that he was concerned that my mental health had deteriorated since last time I was seen by him 2 years ago, and suggested that counselling may be a good idea.

I have been referred to Right Corecare via my employer and they have referred me for counselling.

I get 6 1hr sessions free of charge via my employer.

I have never been for counselling before but I'm open minded and happy to try anything if there is a chance it can help me to mentally cope with the pain.

Can anyone offer any advice/give their experience on counselling.

Thanks

faithcecilia

I was sent away from the convent I was in as they believed I needed counselling to deal with my past. I did NOT want it! However, I did want to get back to the convent and knew there was no chance if I didn't have the counselling.

There are lots of different types, and depending on where you go/ who you see/ how many sessions you have/ your own situation etc you will probably find that your counsellor uses a few. For example, my counsellor used basic talking, relaxation, hypnotherapy and EMDR in the early stages of my treatment, and then talking combined with CBT later.

For all my reluctance, I actually found myself enjoying the therapy and engaging with it more than I expected to. I found the EMDR phenominal, and one session in particular literally changed my life, changing one of my key beliefs about myself within one hours treatment, it was astonishing! Later, I found the CBT facinating, learning how I think and behave, and how people do in general. My counsellor told me to remember that she worked with me one hour a week (most of the time) and the rest of the week I was my own counsellor. She set me homework, and I worked really hard at it. By the last few sessions of my treatment, I was basically leading the session with my counsellor adding observations or getting me back onto the topic as required. I had 7mths of treatment in all, 2 sessions a week for the first 8 weeks, then once a week for 4 months and the last couple being a few weeks apart, plus at least an hours work myself every day.

I am now a massive advocate of counselling - I think everyone should give it a go! I do now find myself being more aware of when other people are feeling insecure, defensive, etc - not in a judgemental way, just seeing in them how I know I used to be. I have been told that this is what actually leads a lot of people to decide to become counsellors themselves. I have not become perfect:p there are still times I feel upset over something little or feel 'got at'. The difference now is that I have learnt how to accept these feelings but not react unreasoanbly to them. For a little example, I had my hair cut this week (first time in 18mths!) and she cut far more off than I wanted. She has also given me a 'trendy' cut with choppy layers that I will not have time or skill to style. Previously, I would have cried, sulked, felt 'why me' etc - even though I knew that was totally irrational, I just didn't know how else to react. Now, even though I was just as disappointed, I have been able to rationalise it, knowing its not the end of the world and will grow back, and after a couple of days to think about it I have decided that a manageable style is preferable to length, and am going back next week to get it bobbed.

I don't know how much choice you will have about who you go to, but do bear in mind you won't necessarily 'click' with the first person. I wish you all the best and hope this has been some help.

WartimeScrapingofMarmite

Not been for counselling myself, but my DH did for depression a few years back. He found that he felt worse to begin with as the counselling forced him to confront alot of issues, but after a few sessions he did begin to feel alot better, so my advice would be to be prepared for this.

HTH

faithcecilia

WartimeScrapingofMarmite wrote: »

Not been for counselling myself, but my DH did for depression a few years back. He found that he felt worse to begin with as the counselling forced him to confront alot of issues, but after a few sessions he did begin to feel alot better, so my advice would be to be prepared for this.

HTH

Very good point. I was very afraid of this, and I actually think it was one reason why I had resisted counselling sooner - I knew there were a number of very deep issues and they were bearable while I kept pushing them deeply inside me, but knew that allowing them to come out in the open could be agony. In my case, counselling did not lead to additional distress, but I think that may well have been because they had already forced themselves to the surface causing extreme distress, and so the counselling was all 'rebuilding' rather than 'knocking down' first.

littlestar1981

Definitely take it...

As someone has already said you may feel worse before you feel better... my first one, I thought OK I can see how this will work; my second and third ones I felt like life could not get any worse, but then after that something seemed to change inside of me and things got better from there with a great outcome after 8 sessions, where I was sat pretty much counselling myself!

The most important thing in my opinion is that if you're going to go you have to go and be prepared to discuss EVERYTHING in minute detail. Anything that's on your mind, say it. Anything silly that you think is irrelevant, say it. This might not make sense now, but the more you say, the more the jigsaw pieces seem to piece together and the closer that 'light at the end of the tunnel' gets. You also have to be prepared to commit to it totally, trying everything suggested (and doing any homework) as it's all helpful (like I say, little pieces of a jisgaw puzzle that do fit together in the end)

HTH... and good luck x

poet123

Personally I am not an advocate of counselling. Having had counselling and worked with those who have had counselling I think that it has a tendency to make one over analyse any and all situations. I think that deepdown all of us know what the issue is, and when we are ready we address it, to be pushed to address it, or to address it and everything else, in the same depth is not helpful imo.

It may work for some, but it is certainly not the much vaunted panacea for all ills.

jenniewb

I have seen in the past several counsellors and am now seeing a psychotherapist. I really think therapy in general saved my life. I don't say that lightly.

When I started therapy it was because I felt desperate and was in the midst of depression. I was very young and didn't appreciate being asked questions about how I was feeling or talking in more depth about it, I just wanted someone to prescribe to me something to take or to do to get the feelings to go away (as I said I was very young). It didn't work out, I wasn't willing to participate as I couldn't see how discussing things made any difference.
It took me to go through anorexia, bulimia and a several month long stay in a psychiatric hospital to realise where I was at, that actually you can't make feelings or fears or memories go away just by ignoring them- that if you do they rise up in some other way and this can hurt you just as much as a result.

I spoke with counsellors and therapists for a few months/a year and a half following my stay in hospital as each were time limited I found it hard to get into real depth. They each were helpful in listening- something few people today really experience I think (people seem more affected by themselves, their facebook accounts or whats going on with their mobile phone then with others or the here and now) as a result it made me really value the respect I have for others being thats what I need from others in return. There are many more and deep-seated things which I wont go into depth with here but save as to say have given me a really different understanding of what causes my problems and why they return to me so often.

I think a few things I'd want to know if I were restarting therapy or counselling again would be...

Mention anything: if you feel its hard to talk, if you have any doubts about things working, if your scared of shaking things up and leaving with stuff hanging, even if your feeling put off by something the counsellor is doing: it all helps the counsellor understand where your at. The more they understand the more they can help.

If you feel something isn't working/hasn't worked in the past mention this too. Even minor things like the room being too light or dark through to the counsellor reminding you of someone else.

I found it very hard to start speaking with one counsellor, and there would be sessions I'd spend in complete silence- sounds odd but I was young and I had major trust issues and also major self esteem issues. The counsellor would never prompt me to talk, it was my job to dictate the session, not for her to ask me 20 questions and she was right to not say anything after the initial basic questions they do ask. I would make a point of asking for help if you were in this situation. The sessions are time limited and are for you, not for anyone else, its an opportunity few get to experience to look at things in more depth, get help/support/a hand to hold and a chance to move on stronger then before. This alone can be a life saver for some and a life changing experience for others.

I would add to the post above that mentions counselling creating too much focus on analysing things: sometimes you have no choice but to deal with these things, if you don't focus on them they can mutilate into something else (anorexia, bulimia or chronic depression leading to suicide in my own experience) there are some things you need to over analyse. If you chose not to and manage fine then thats great, but you need to remember its not the same for everyone, we don't all have the same life experiences, we don't all have the same social circles and we don't all have the same lifestyles. Once persons needs are different to another.

xxvickixx

I'd say go for it. It depends on how much you put in as to how much you get out.
Even if it is so that someone neutral that won't judge you will listen to you it's worth it, but if you really go for it and do all of the homework it can really help.

duckeggblue

There is a difference I think between counselling and therapy.
Some people have the ideas that counsellors just sit and listen,which isnt so.Therapists can use use cbt to train people to deal with issues like panic attacks,I have seen it work for a friend,so please dont say counselling doesnt work.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I think to say that the outcome is only determined by the effort of the participant is unfair - I went through the counselling process in circumstances where I was in a lot of pain. Ultimately, despite trying to engage with the process, doing the homework, etc, talking about how I deal with conflict and whether I have any particular notions about myself was entirely irrelevant - I needed referral to rheumatology for effective treatment for RA instead of being told that the pain was all in my mind and I just needed to have a more positive outlook (especially as the GP and employer didn't believe that RA affects anyone under 70). It's not a mental failing to have a physical weakness, despite the attitudes that seem to be put forward these days.

I would say that the employer is offering to try and help, so the offer should be taken up, it shows willing and may well assist the OP. However, there are other approaches which may be more use if the problem actually is the pain and not that the OP is adopting some less than beneficial responses in work - for example, becoming very helpless or aggressive verbally - which, whilst they may have stemmed from being in pain/lack of sleep/mourning for what could have been/subscribing to the populist view that being ill is the mark of the wastrel, are actually more behavioural issues than medical ones.

Mindfullness based meditation (as per the Buddhist outlook, but not religious in the slightest) can be helpful for pain, as you learn to notice and acknowledge things and then mentally move on to something else, as can specialist pain clinics. Perhaps these would be worth looking at?