help

12bdebt3

How does your husband not know? Has he never questioned all of the expensive shopping trips you've regularly taken? I feel sorry for him, I guess somehow you are financially linked and this could affect him too, you have a responsibility to tell him.

Clarie_2

katie0532 wrote: »

I think because im not regulated I will be ok with the bank after discussing with a colleague however really I dont want to tell him. He hates debts and would go mad even though he doesnt realise a lot of it has been spent on him.
I know I need to spend smarter but when im down I just spend.

Good news about the bank. Please do think about telling your husband? What's the worst that could happen if you tell him?
How likely is that to actually happen?
Is that consistent with his character and normal way of behaving?
What's the best that could happen if you tell him? and again how likely is that to happen, and is that more consistant with who he is?

You say you spend when you are down.. have you thought about how you will overcome this in future? Looking at the other posters it seems reasonable that you can meet all your payments and get in control of your debt with some lifestyle changes. But the biggest is to not spend the extras!

Have you considered going to your GP and asking for some help re feeling down? not so much meds but they do offer CBT which is really useful and can help loads in coming up with other ways of dealing with feeling down.

Clarie

katie0532

ive just done another debt remedy with cccs and the figures are very different on my spenditure. I do not spend £650 a month on groceries I think i x by 52 and / by 12 to get monthly figures and some are not accurate.

Food shopping I def need to sort out and i do not budget £65 for birthdays I was trying to figure out how much i spend in a whole year including christmas, same with hols and after this year we will only have flight expenses if we go anywhere .
The gym membership is a family membership which is paid for out of the DLA we get for my sons medical condition.
I also thought £25 a month for mobile was good as thats contract with no call or text charges?
Virginmedia big issue , have tv, phone and broadband, they said thats the cheapest package and as we no longer can afford to go out watching the sports is our treat although i guess we dont need the extra boxes in the other rooms but that will only save £10 a month.
hair is actually max £25 per month
dont really want to downgrade bank a/c as i get car breakdown cover, travel ins , mobile phone, home emergency and id aware all which i think is worth the money.
life ins comes out of my wages before i get them.
Union is a must.
Gas and elec I thought was reasonable but will check uswitch.
i dont put money away for mot as its a new car and we give back in 3 years so under warrenty.

I am going to call cccs, put a plan in place to get everyone off my back then concerntrate on reducing my outgoings. Are you then able to make ad hoc/additional payments to your plan ?

katie0532

Clarie wrote: »

Good news about the bank. Please do think about telling your husband? What's the worst that could happen if you tell him?
How likely is that to actually happen?
Is that consistent with his character and normal way of behaving?
What's the best that could happen if you tell him? and again how likely is that to happen, and is that more consistant with who he is?

You say you spend when you are down.. have you thought about how you will overcome this in future? Looking at the other posters it seems reasonable that you can meet all your payments and get in control of your debt with some lifestyle changes. But the biggest is to not spend the extras!

Have you considered going to your GP and asking for some help re feeling down? not so much meds but they do offer CBT which is really useful and can help loads in coming up with other ways of dealing with feeling down.

thanks Claire, I have been on antidepressents for last year and have had councilling but I still have mood swings and then spend but more so now with groceries as cant afford much else.
I dont want to admit failure which if i have run up so much debt whilst pretending I was on top of everything and have checked things were affordable ... then I pretty much have failed!
As I said, husband doesnt agree with debt such as credit cards and only has a £50 overdraft which he doesnt like to use .
How embarrassing for someone who advises for a bank to be in this mess!

katie0532

arrontdep wrote: »

How does your husband not know? Has he never questioned all of the expensive shopping trips you've regularly taken? I feel sorry for him, I guess somehow you are financially linked and this could affect him too, you have a responsibility to tell him.

How are we financially linked?
We have a joint mortgage which has never defaulted and thats it.
I have never be behind in any household bills/utilities and obviously the credit cards are all in my name.
His credit file is fine according to call credit , my though it another matter.
We have the right size house for our family , in the location we wanted so wont need to borrow further and lose any equity.
as for expensive shopping trips- never happened! the money has been spent on family holidays, childrens toys, take aways, meals out, days out, christmas presents, home improvements. Im not selfish with my debt!
This is my problem and my debt only

eyeopener2

Hi

You need to tell your husband. Trust me on this cos he will find out one way or another.

I had to confess all to mywife.

Did she go mad? Yes

Was she upset? yes

She was upset that I hadn't confided in her, the debt was a secondary issue.

When you do tell him (cos you will, won't you) you then start rebuilding the trust, paying your dues to him, then you start paying back the debt, paying your dues to the banks.

it does get better. It makes you stronger as a couple and although you, personally, will be skint for a while the lessons you learn are huge and you will never, ever want to borrow money again.

Tell him.

E2

zagubov

Got to admire you- you clearly love the guy and are trying to spare him as much as avoid angering him.

But he's your husband not a fair-weather friend. If he was ill you'd stand by him!

I stick by what I said earlier about picking the time and don't rush into it. But do start the process before events overtake you.

There's a dozen doors out of this mess, but you need all your energies focused on this to find them -you'll struggle if you get distracted by the effort of subterfuge and deceit.

12bdebt3

katie0532 wrote: »

Question: How are we financially linked?
Answer: We have a joint mortgage which has never defaulted and thats it.
I have never be behind in any household bills/utilities and obviously the credit cards are all in my name.
His credit file is fine according to call credit , my though it another matter.
We have the right size house for our family , in the location we wanted so wont need to borrow further and lose any equity.
as for expensive shopping trips- never happened! the money has been spent on family holidays, childrens toys, take aways, meals out, days out, christmas presents, home improvements. Im not selfish with my debt!
This is my problem and my debt only

I never accused you of being selfish, but you said that you would get depressed and go shopping. I assumed to cheer yourself up?

Also this is more noticable, if you are constantly treating the family then how has he not noticed you're overspending?

It may only be your debt but it is your husband's problem too.

If you miss payments on bills and the mortgage then it will affect him. You are financially linked to him in the eyes of creditors when they do a credit check. If you were to default on CC payments and he went to apply for credit he might get denied because of your financial link. You should tell him, there are not just financial reasons why you should tell him though, but it's not my marriage...