I don't know what to do next

bubble173

I was a victim. I do feel ashamed and to blame in some ways, but I was very much the victim. The only reason for not saying what happened on here is that it will identify me to friends and family (both of which use the forum and know my real user name) and although they know about it, and I can talk to friends about it openly, I just feel a bit exposed (so to speak, I think thats the wrong word though) being so open and honest in this thread and wouldn't feel quite so comfortable if they were to read it knowing it was me. I would tell people what the event was by PM if it would help with suggestions of more specific support.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Thanks for replying to me. I still disagree with your perception of how you are interacting with people, but I'm not there, so I'm more likely to be wrong than right.

Cases of severe depression that are resistant to treatment or coupled with non compliance can be seen by Community Mental Health Services under the supervision of a Consultant Psychiatrist. Perhaps rather than the 12 session chats which you say you knew wouldn't work, an ongoing relationship with the local mental health team would be more appropriate, as then there is access to different medications with different safety profiles and other therapies and treatments.

Perhaps speaking to the doctor in terms of 'I'm not getting better, I was hoping that perhaps I could be referred to a specialist?' might be helpful there. If not, in some areas you can self refer by calling the duty team and speaking to the on call.



You may recoil in horror at the thought, but if, as you say, you want to die, then at some point there is a chance that you will find yourself under their care whether you like it or not. Far better to be a voluntary outpatient than on a six month section due to suicide attempts. Or not anyone's patient because you weren't found in time.

bubble173

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

You may recoil in horror at the thought, but if, as you say, you want to die, then at some point there is a chance that you will find yourself under their care whether you like it or not. Far better to be a voluntary outpatient than on a six month section due to suicide attempts. Or not anyone's patient because you weren't found in time.

I've already been told if I said in any therapy sessions that I wanted to harm myself then I would be referred to the CMHT which I think is another thing stopping me being honest with my therapist. It was implied during my assessment for CBT that if I wanted to harm myself I would be locked up in a mental health unit the same day. I know in reality it wouldn't be anything like that (unless perhaps I made a serious attempt at ending my life). But that is how it was implied.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Writing a PM, bubble.

But those are the ethics rules that are set - if a professional learns something that is affecting the client's safety or that of a child, they have to notify people, it's the confidentiality rules.

In reality, that doesn't mean instant sections. Just referrals that are treated as a priority.

sarah*a

bubble173 wrote: »

I've already been told if I said in any therapy sessions that I wanted to harm myself then I would be referred to the CMHT which I think is another thing stopping me being honest with my therapist. It was implied during my assessment for CBT that if I wanted to harm myself I would be locked up in a mental health unit the same day. I know in reality it wouldn't be anything like that (unless perhaps I made a serious attempt at ending my life). But that is how it was implied.

Don't be frightened about being referred to the CMHT - best thing that ever happened to me (MH-wise) was getting my referral - and I've never been sectioned - in fact they have been instrumental in keeping me under home care when someone who didn't know me as well could have advised it.

They are always there at the end of the phone - you have access to the crisis team and they will come to appts with you if you need them to.

In fact - if I would pre-empt them and ask for a referral. It can only help.

onlyroz

Once again regarding your medication. Your doctor isn't psychic, but you seem to think that he should be. Why on earth should he not think that you're taking the medication if you've given him no reason to think that you're not. No wonder he's been increasing the dose - as far as he's concerned you're not getting better and so the meds aren't working. On your next appointment you *must* say that you've not been taking them.

Regarding your therapist - the activities you're given might seem pointless, but why won't you at least give them a go? Again, your therapist isn't a mind-reader, and it is completely pointless for you to spend your sessions going over work that you haven't done.

Thrifty_Sister

Hi Bubble - I have been supporting a dear friend now for several years that has MH problems including depression so am writing from 'the other side'. Firstly, you sound very strong in certain respects from what you have written - stronger than you may think. If you do not want to take medication do you think that any of the following might help. Music has been proven to give a massive boost in serotonin levels - try putting on some of your fave music and singing along! The louder the better - if your personal circumstances allow, of course! Also, laughter if you can manage it. There are specialist laughter clinics out there which have also been proven to lift spirits so that people can cope better - they charge but are not extortionate. Or if that is not for you are there any tv programmes, dvd's etc that you can have a good belly laugh at? Sometimes having a good chuckle is so therapeutic - and not just for people who are depressed either. And sometimes this leads on to having a good cry - I have been wondering if the traumatic event you have suffered has left you grieving in some way and maybe you need to do this properly and with support before you can even begin to heal, maybe if you have a good and trusted friend or relative that you can confide in and will not judge you but can help you go forward in your quest for wellness. Next if you can manage it try to take some control back of your life. Start by becoming proactive and making a list of things that you feel can help you. If you then start to tick these things off the list when you deal with them you may start to feel that you are helping yourself to get better. And the last thing I would add is your family don't sound to have been very helpful. However, it is so hard to deal with something that they probably do not understand and are at a loss to know how to help you. Even in this enlightened age MH is still a bit of a misunderstood subject. Take care of yourself and remember baby steps - unfortunately there is no miracle cure but you have friends to turn to on here when the going gets tough. ((hugs))
BTW - in no way am I trying to minimise or trivialise your or anyones elses MH problems. I know from personal experience how distressing and complicated it can be.

Counting_Pennies_2

bubble173 wrote: »

I've already been told if I said in any therapy sessions that I wanted to harm myself then I would be referred to the CMHT which I think is another thing stopping me being honest with my therapist. It was implied during my assessment for CBT that if I wanted to harm myself I would be locked up in a mental health unit the same day. I know in reality it wouldn't be anything like that (unless perhaps I made a serious attempt at ending my life). But that is how it was implied.

I do think this is untrue to a certain extent. You have proven you can live in the community with these thoughts for a long time, so I don't think they would see the risk as immediate.

What I will say though is I went into an establishment for mental health issues. I went voluntarily. I was going to be sectioned (or rather my parents forced to) when I suffered anorexia as a teenager, one of many mental blips in my life. I asked to visit various establishments, and chose the one right for me, that the NHS would pay for. I voluntarily entered, and I have to say it is not scary. In fact, despite the odd few people who were out for the count, in neighbouring wards, my unit was vibrant, supported by one another in the unit, and finally met some people who could help me. If you do need to be admitted, there will be dips, but also peaks. It might just help your family understand the predicament you are in.

Mojisola

onlyroz wrote: »

Once again regarding your medication. Your doctor isn't psychic, but you seem to think that he should be. Why on earth should he not think that you're taking the medication if you've given him no reason to think that you're not.

He may not be psychic but he's also not asking the right questions. When I've been put on new medication that is known to have side-effects, my GP has always asked about the tablets and any problems I have had with them.

Patients not taking prescribed medication is quite common and GPs should be checking, especially before increasing the dose.

bubble173

Onlyroz, I agree with Majisola, he may not be psychic but my medication has been increased without him even seeing or speaking to me. He can't even assume it's not working by how I came across then because he had had no contact with me for 4 weeks and then increased it.

As for CBT, what is the point of 'giving it a go' when I do it all day every day? If I wasn't doing these things I would try, but I do them all the time. It's not like i'm living in my house unable to go out or maintain contact with people - I'm doing these things perfectly well. Telling me to send a text message when I probably send 100+ a day is pointless. If it has been send a text message to ABC about XYZ it may have been challenging in some way, but just send a text in general is completely pointless when I do it perfectly well.

Thrifty, I listen to music and watch DVDs that make me laugh a lot, I use them as distractions. I don't think they particularly help though. The laughter clinics sound interesting. I will look in to that. As does making a list and ticking things off. I will try that. Thank you.

CP, it's good to hear a positive experience of being in a hospital for MH issues. I've been reading a thread in the arms by somebody who is in one at the moment and it sounds terrible, and quite scary. Thank you for sharing your experience.