Terrified and don't know where to start

silverapple

Dh and I have lots of debt probably around 30k in loans and cards and an enormous mortgage, which is a result of some health/personal choices and some plain old bad judgement.

We have always made our payments, but my husband is about to leave his job (or will suffer a nervous breakdown), which will leave us completely unable to pay our creditors. We hope that he will get another job, though probably less money as he is unable to cope with the stress of his present level.

Where do we start? We can probably manage the mortgage and to feed us (2 young children), and when our fixed rate is up in the spring we can go interest only for a while to reduce the payments, but what do we do about the card debts? Can they take our house?

We probably have enough equity to pay our debts if we sell up and rent, but we are a bit long in the tooth to have to start again (37&47), and would like to avoid this if we can.

I feel so ashamed that it has come to this, but I also want to stop feeling so anxious all the time.

Thanks (so it's such a long post)

bottleofred

Hi Silverapple and welcome to the forum,

The first thing is not to panic. Make sure you deal with all the essential bills first, such as food, mortgage, electric, gas and council tax etc. Whatever money is left, send as token payments to the card companies. They won't like it and will threaten everything up to but short of death, but they are trying to frighten you. Are your debts secured or unsecured? I would suggest contacting the consumer credit counselling service about a dmp. You could also post your statement of affairs to get help/advice on how to save money which can then go towards your debts.

Good luck

Red

silverapple

Thank you so much, it all seems so much worse as I haven't slept in a few days. I' ll ring the cccs people on Monday.

Thanks again

dollybeads

Hang in there, silver apple, it can at times be completely overwhelming, but the first step is posting on here, so well done.

You will shortly be inundated with helpful and practical advice (some of which you have already received), but it is amazing the support you get on here from very knowledgable people. This has enabled me to keep going and take things one step at a time.

regarding your situation, is there any option for your husband to take some sickness leave as break from work? I appreciate the situation may be beyond this point, but if he is feeling desperately stressed his GP could give him some time out from work, which might give you some breathing space, as he (should) receive sick pay? But also give him some support either medically or via talking therapies.

It might also help if you post your statement of affairs (soa) on here so that all the DFWers can have a look and your incomings and outgoings to determine where you might be able to make savings http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html

Above all else, be kind to yourselves, don't beat yourselves up about the situation, and keep posting on here for advice and support when you need it. Wishing you all a good day and hoping that you might get some rest.

Best wishes Dolly x

silverapple

Thank you, half the problem is that we don't know what will happen with his job. We had decided to tackle this issue for good this year and now this...it all feels like too much:(

I'm sitting here desperately trying not to cry in front of the children. They are blissfully unaware that I am about to ruin their childhood.

dollybeads

Hey silverapple

I am sorry its so awful for you at the moment, but you are not going to ruin their childhood, between you, your trying to sort your financial difficulties and to ensure that your husband is well enough to continue working. Things will be tough and financially tight for a while, but what is the most important thing to you children is that you and your husband are both fit and well and you are together as a family. Others on this forum have included their children in the process of saving money, they tell them things are financially tight, and ask them to help, ie asking them to suggest days out/things to do that do not cost money, a day at the beach, picnic in the front room etc etc. These are the really important things, that cost nothing but are priceless for the children, spending time with Mum and Dad.

You will get there, but take it one step at a time, and try to be kind to yourselves. It is really hard but as MSE Martin says, he has never seen a debt that can't be solved and sorted out.

Hope today is a better one for you.

Keep posting on here even if its just for a rant, I have found it invaluable

Dolly x

DVardysShadow

silverapple wrote: »

I'm sitting here desperately trying not to cry in front of the children. They are blissfully unaware that I am about to ruin their childhood.

Dollybeads has already said it, but I will say it another way. There is precious little you get on credit which actually improves a childhood. Must of the things you buy with it are actually just poor substitutes for the things which matter. When I was a child, I loved to have a hammer and some nails and a few old bits of wood. Or my father's spade, a wheelbarrow and some space.

So as far as the kids are concerned, you can actually use this as an opportunity to improve their childhood.

Merrylegs1969

silverapple wrote: »

Thank you, half the problem is that we don't know what will happen with his job. We had decided to tackle this issue for good this year and now this...it all feels like too much:(

I'm sitting here desperately trying not to cry in front of the children. They are blissfully unaware that I am about to ruin their childhood.

Hi Silverapple,

I'm a seasoned lurker but felt that I must reply to you. I can't advise you on your financial affairs as we're in a similar boat moneywise. We're a family of four, me, DH, a girl of six and a boy of four. To cut a long story short, we threw it all up in the air and moved to Cornwall. We had been living in London and spent everyday of our lives stressing about money, although reasonably well paid everything cost an arm and a leg and didn't make us happy. We both work here, although for significantly less money, and rent. Although we have very little in material terms, the children have never been so happy. They get to go to the beach daily (if they want), run through fields, pick fruit, and attend a rural school with class sizes of 12 and good old fashioned values. All these things cost us nothing.

They're happier than they've ever been and we are so much less stressed. We pay what we can afford to our creditors and now live within our means. At the end of the day, credit card companies, banks, etc. will all still be here after I've long gone and they are not going to ruin my days with my children. They are simply not that important.

That you remain together as a family, enjoy being together, and treasure your childrens childhood is where the real riches lie.

chevalier

what the others said:)

ref the debts. if a debt is unsecured, ie not against property then no they can't take your house. That is why it is SO important to pay the mortgage or talk to your mortgage lender about your situation. Could you have a mortgage holiday?

Ref your OH make sure that he signs off sick if he is that stressed! Guess what mental stress is an illness too. Especially if he is entitled to sick pay. That is what it is there for! Also has he taken all of his holiday entitlement. If not use that now so as to be able to take stock.

Also why is he so stressed? If it is bullying at work then if he does leave he may have a case for constructive dismissal, ie he was forced to resign because the work place had been made intolerable for him by his colleagues? If you just resign you don't get job seekers allowance straight away (I don't think this may have changed), so that is something to bear in mind.

Ref the childhood thing. Tell me how is having a stressed dad a good thing? They do pick up on that you know. If your OH does leave and becomes less stressed that can only be a better thing for them to be around.

chev

silverapple

Thank you all for your reassuring words, I know I can't change what's going to happen so there's no point worrying, but easier said than done...I can't breathe.

I'm sad that others are in the same type of situation, but from a selfish point of view it's nice to know that we're not alone.

scottygees

can't agree more with what everyone is saying. Unfortunately my children were what I called the pampered generation. Wanting and getting all the latest gadgets, fashionable clothes, meals out etc.

There is a lot of peer pressure out there to be seen having all this. But it all costs, hence why myself and probably a lot of others on these boards are in the position they are in. Me and my wife seemed to think it was the way to make our kids happy.

If I could turn back the clock I would definately have done things different, done more with the kids, instead of doing all the overtime at work to try to provide a lifestyle that we didnt really need.

Its funny that it is usually the simple things that we did with the children that they can still remember.

Life is too short and you only get these prescious years with your children once.They may not get the newest games console, mobile phone etc bestowed upon them, but they will grow up knowing the true value of life and enjoy some quality time with loving parents.