The user name says it all!

IAmAMuppet

A very brief first entry for me to come back to.

I am in the ballpark of £7000 in debt with the means to clear it easily in 5-6mths, I want to save a deposit for a house which I can do easily.

For a variety of reasons, I haven't made much progress lately.

Now for the big one...

The reason I am in debt is gambling!

In every other way I would consider myself to be relatively intelligent, in good responsible job etc etc but I keep giving my (borrowed!) money away! The size of debt was much greater previously and I have got it down really well, however it has grown over the last few months instead of shrinking, this can't go on...


To be continued...

IAmAMuppet

So where to begin...

I have gambled for my entire adult life with the exception of an 18month period which came to an end about 18moths ago.

I started off with fruit machines (haven't really touched for 5years or more) then moved on to horses and dogs in the bookies (never really knew anything about them and haven't really done this since quitting the first time around), then FOBTs which were/are the real killer for me and online poker/roulette/sports/horses/anything that can be done through an online bookie or poker room.

I honestly dread to think how much I've lost it is probably somewhere in the region of £70k but could easily be more.

I quit completely in early 2008, came clean to partner, went to GA, figured out a plan to clear debt (was approx £40k then and should be clear now) and genuinely felt huge relief to have stopped (along with a large chunk of regret at what a muppet I'd been!)

Then for some reason that I can't identify, I 'went off the rails' in summer 2009. I guess I've been gambling consistently since then, sometimes only £10 and £20 every few days, sometimes £100's a day everyday.

I have made myself a succession of 'plans' to clear my debts but readjust them on a virtually daily basis at the moment in order to take account of the latest £200 or whatever that I've just lost.

I currently have a plan which will allow me to live very comfortably and get my debts completely clear by end of June 2011 (a month ago the plan said debt free by Feb!

I have factored in holidays/'pocket money'/cc interest/petrol/rent/shopping/bills/the lot. I will be able to live a perfectly normal (slightly extravagant) life between now and June while still achieving this.

My plan on here is not to 'report' on what debt is or what's been paid but just how far ahead/behind plan I am.

I am very pleased to say that right now I am £1 ahead of plan!!:rotfl:

In order to avoid a ridiculously long post, I'll bring this one to an end and start another!!

IAmAMuppet

So a bit more background...

As I said, in early 2008, I had my lightbulb moment/hit rock bottom, call it what you will, I came clean to my partner who although obviously was upset was very supportive. I went to GA for about 3 months which at the beginning really helped to be able to talk openly to people who really understood but pretty quickly became a chore, I began to resent the fact that despite not gambling for 3months, a part of my life was still controlled by gambling (or not?!) So I stopped going.

Then summer 2009 I started gambling again, I really don't know what the trigger was, my best guess is boredom. Nobody else knows this (apart from those in a certain area of London who see me in the bookies most days and now anyone reading this!). I think I actually started online for a few weeks then found myself back in the bookies. The details probably aren't relevant but I stopped the online bit completely about 6 months ago (closed accounts) [STRIKE]but the bookies is still going on[/STRIKE] and the bookies as of yesterday!

I firmly believe it's more habit with me than anything else, I go to the same places at the same times virtually every (week)day. Once I broke the online habit 6months ago, I didn't look back (ok about a week after self-excluding from the site I used most I tried to get back on, couldn't and that was that). So I'm pretty confident that getting out of the habit of going out at lunch will break the bookies (really FOBT) habit too.

Day one achieved by virtue of typing my life story here!

The good thing about having stopped before are I know a lot of the 'rules' to stop. This sounds like a good theme for the next post so good time for another break!

IAmAMuppet

How to stop gambling in IAmAMuppet's world (and my thoughts!)

1. Forget about the money that's been lost - it's gone. I'm fine with this one, yes it comes to mind once in a while but I'm looking forward, 5 months and I'm debt free, the only way that this won't be true is if I gamble
2. Be open with friends/family Not so keen on this one, done that once then been a muppet for 18mths, don't think I could rebuild the trust a second time. 5 months down the line it will all be behind me and need never be an issue
3. Install gamblock I've not done this but have self excluded from every site I've ever been on (most of them!) I realise I'm leaving open a gap here but it's not been an issue for the last 6mths and to be honest the online idea doesn't hold any attraction anymore (I looked at deposit/withdrawal history shortly before closing the account I used most - truly frightening)
4. Give control of finances to someone else Number 2 makes this a no go, a big chunk of cash goes straight out of my account on payday to cover bills etc which has been the case for the last 3yrs. Otherwise, I now don't carry cards/cash during the week (well as of today!)
5. Go to GA. I have 2 reasons for not doing this, a. it doesn't really work with number 2 - I would have to make up excuses for going out and I don't want to lie, b. as per the last post, although being able to talk openly helped, I began to resent it. I'm kind of hoping this diary might replace that

Can't immediately think of any others at the moment.

I guess from writting the above it's made me realise I'm not doing a lot of stuff that is standard advice. i really don't think I need to but I guess time will tell.

A couple more

6. Be honest with myself Fully intend doing this one - and this is the place to do it
7. Find something else to replace gambling Probably badly phrased but for me I think this is the big one - I need to break the habits that have formed over the last months i.e. more than anything, I need to find something else to do at lunchtime... Post here is a start I guess

patman99

Try replacing gambling sites with 'Tribal Wars', you will spend so much time trying to build-up your resources and attacking your enemies that you won't have time for gambling.

Seriously though, you managed to give-up for 18 months then went back to it through boredom. Have you tried a new hobby such as photography?, or how about taking-up reading?.

IAmAMuppet

Thanks for the reply patman.

To be honest, standing back and looking at it, it is really simple, and 95% of the time in practise it is easy, it's just those few minutes when it's approaching the time then I normally would head out for lunch that I lose all rational thought.

I know this probably doesn't make sense to most people, the only thing I could compare it too is someone trying to give up smoking (ok without the nicotene but there is some sort of mental addiction), it comes to coffee break time or whatever it may be, smoker thinks this is bad for me/costs too much/whatever I'm not going to smoke today then more often than not finds themselves standing outside in the rain smoking - irrational but all morning spent thinking I will not smoke, I will not smoke goes out the window in a flash.

Like I say, it probably doesn't make sense. It's by no means unknown for me to literaly be sitting pumping note after note into a machine thinking 'this is ridiculous what am I doing, I know I'm going to lose' then cleaning out my wallet, going straight to the cash machine and going straight back to throw away a load more.

However..... The new me, the 95% rational side will beat the 5% muppet!

I don't think photography is for me, reading...maybe. For now I have just arranged lunchtime meetings every working day until next Wednesday. One day at a time but if I can get through a month or so, the habit will be broken (is that a contradiction?!)

lakxx_2

I have a partner who is exactly like this, in fact I was almost suspicious it could be them up until the last part whereby it mentions London.

It is very admirable that you have at least recognised you need to move on from this addiction! Like any addiction it has to come from yourself.

You have to have that state of self control. Everytime you walk in a bookies...they win. You are a victim to their profits. You have to play games with your own mind. You log on, you know you don't believe the hype in the adverts, because who would? You aren't going to make money, the temporary feeling of elation is false. So don't fall prey...

It's all a state of mind, who is going to win here? The bookies or you?

I really do hope the rational you have pushes you on to fufill your dream. You want to leave this life with the legacy of what you achieved not what you could have achieved if only!

And I know some of that sounds blunt, but gambling has hurt me and hurt people around me. I think the ideas you have had are good.

The most important thing here is...don't disappoint yourself you've got the tools to get out, do it for you, then do it for those who love you.

IAmAMuppet

Hi lakxx

Thanks for that. You're so right in all you say and bluntness is appreciated! I know how stupid it all is and the hurt and harm it causes.

I sincerely don't want to do it, but that pesky 5% muppet is difficult to keep under control.

I hope your partner keeps on the wagon too. To be honest if you truly suspect they aren't, well, speaking from 'the other side' I would want a major hint that you know without confrontation, that way there would be an unspoken 'ultimatum'. They will only completely quit if they want to for themselves however the risk of losing a partner can be enough to give them a kick up the ....

That said, 5% muppet is more that capable of overcoming 95% sensible

EssexHebridean

One thing that jumps out at me....just how betrayed is your partner going to feel if they ever find out that you have had further problems with this but you haven't trusted them enough to tell them? I know, you don't see it as "not trusting them enough" but be honest with yourself and that IS what the problem is - you're afraid that your partner will walk away. I think even if you choose to say nothing right now, you should set a deadline in your mind by which time you will have come clean. A relationship with a basis in deceit isn't worth having, and that applies as much to what you don't tell someone, as to what you do. Sorry to be so blunt.

I believe you can ask Bookies to bar you from dealing with them - is that an option for you do you think? It is then one more temptation removed from you as even being an option. You mention "Gamblock" - I'm not sure of what this is but do you have anything to lose by installing it? If not, then again, belt & braces, why not just do it and forget about it. Online stuff isn't a draw for you now, but what if you get bored again?

Bluntness on the way again.....If you had a pal who was an alcoholic, who swore blind he didn't need to go to his AA meetings because he could cope with it on his own, I presume that, like most of us, you would be telling him not to be so daft and to get his bahookie to the meeting ASAP? Remember, it's not about a part of your life "being controlled by" gambling - it's about the fact that you have an illness which requires treatment. If you had diabetes you wouldn't decline your insulin because you didn;t want your life to be controlled by the diabetes would you? :eek: How about viewing GA meetings (or whatever kind of online support they offer these days) as treatment that you need to continue taking for the forseeable future? Don't underestimate the power of addiction though - I suspect that like an alcohol or drug user you have to accept in your mind that to stay cured you can never, EVER gamble again - can you do that do you think?

You sound very focussed and determined - first off to be debt free, and secondly to save for that deposit. This is an extremely good thing, and just possibly that addictive personality might be useful here too. You ask anyone who has successfully paid off debts in a shorter time than they should have been able to, and they will probably sightly awkwardly admit to having been absolutely obsessed with the business of debt busting - harness that addictive streak in this direction and you could be debt free and a home owner before you know it! And then of course, you can target OP'ing the mortgage!

Good luck!

startagain_2

Hello and welcome IAAM,

Didn't want to read and run but your posts hit home with me even though I have got my own sorry little saga going on at the moment.
I may be able to give you a little bit of the other side of the story....

I have worked for two major bookmaking companies for many years in total - one was in the shops and the other in a contact centre/online and there are many,many people like you.
The ability to self exclude came in while I was working in the industry and there is something heartbreaking about a youngster self excluding after blowing thousands of pounds in one session. They start chasing and just don't know when to stop, getting in deeper and deeper. One of my first managerial posts was a shop very close to a top football club and the amount of players that came in after training, and the amount they gambled, was astonishing. This was back in the days when betting shops were the place to gamble, unlike nowadays where it is mostly online, and in secret.

You have an addiction, I am sure you know this, and like you mention it is no different to smoking, alcohol, drugs in that to stop you have to want to, mean it and keep to it. Recognise the trigger that sets off the desire to gamble -

Boredom?
The adrenaline rush it gives you? (this is true of many people, it is
a high that you seek )
Something lacking in your life that you gives you the need to gamble?

I don't know but you need to look at it more closely and seek help.
It is corny but it really is one day at a time. Get a self help book on beating addictions. How do I know? Because I have been there and done it - not addicted to gambling but something else that I needed to stop and put behind me.
Cognitive behaviour therapy is excellent - it is a therapy by which you recognise triggers and break the cycle of thinking and behaviour that you have been used to. Ask your GP to refer you for psychology or whatever is available. There are many avenues that you can go down in an effort to really kick your gambling, not on your own, but you need to want to.

Keep posting in your diary especially if you find it helps you. We can support you when you do well (there are some great people on here) and scold you if you have a blip.

I wish you the very best of luck and well done on being so honest.

SA

IAmAMuppet

Hi EssexHebridean,

That first paragraph hurt! And I guess that show's there's truth in it so thank you.

Honestly... well honestly I've typed honestly and don't know what comes next!

In my mind I have let myself and everyone else down by being a muppet. I guess I want to fix that, lock it away and never look back. Opening it up makes it worse and I guess more real. I don't know if I'm ready for that (coward? selfish? - probably both).

You've certainly given me food for thought...