I Fear my Friend is beyond help

riverboat2001

My friend who i only see now and then, knows that me and BF have dug ourselves out of our own debt and are now in a good financial situation.

We were talking about how she has a Northern Rock mortgage but the fix has run out and she's dreading any rise in interest. I asked her out of curiosity what rate she was paying and she didn't know.
Her hubby deals with the mortgage and she pays the bills, they have seperate bank accounts and he earns quite a bit more than her and pretty much keeps most of the extra money to himself.

She made the decision to show me her mortgage statement, i was shocked to discover that they borrowed 30k (unsecured) to clear oustanding debts and another 20k (secured - not sure what this was for) plus 118k to actually buy the flat.

They then had new bathroom fitted and paid the builder via cash dran out on credit cards.
Then two years later they had a family holiday to Australia to see family that had emmigrated. I assume this too was funded via credit card.

But the most SHOCKING thing is the mortgage is interest only:eek:

She is trying to get a loan to clear off the new debts.

But the most worrying thing is that the don't seem to have changed their ways.
Shopping at Waitrose inc stuff like bottled water
Hire of hall for only childs 5th birthday
etc etc

Their mortgage must have gone down a bit when the rates fell, but i'm sure the extra freed up cash isn't being used sensibly.


I feel awful for them and suggested the CCCS but the reply was BF won't have anyone telling him what he could or couldn't afford to spend.
I can't see how she can dig them out of this unless BF takes part in the money managment and hands over his wages.

She is fully aware that in 17 years time the house will be lost and they will be homeless.

Can anybody suggest how to offer help and advise to my friend without becoming over bearing or sounding "holier than thou"

I have suggested this website but she doesn't have much internet access. I also think she believes that all the problems will just go away.

isy1011

didnt want to read and run

its a difficult one. can you do a soa with her so you get a full picture. tell her you are worried.

vuittondreamer

Poor you :-(, But alas unless they get their own LBM there's not a lot you can do. I Hope they'll wake up and smell the coffee soon, cos it brewing. You can only be there for her to listen when the time comes.

lizzie_b

I agree with above, there's not alot you can do if they're not on board,
Just ask her if she wants to go over things with you, having been there etc, let her know you are concerned at what they are getting into, and be there for her when the time comes and she fully realises the extent of the brown stuff they are in
xxxx

tbourner

It's going to be a case of 'how much trouble' they are in when the LBM finally comes - and whether that moment happens for both of them! I wouldn't be surprised if hubby runs when it all goes south, leaving your friend with a lot more mess than he has to deal with (no offence BTW, I don't know them).

Londonboy_3

The consequence of all this (espec the IO mortgage) will be that they will never be able to retire. They will be working right up until they are physically unable to, then wheeled into a state nursing home for the little time they have left.

They are enslaving themselves for the rest of their lives with their recklessness at the moment. But it is not your place to interfere - they I am sure are intelligent enough to work this out for themselves.

riverboat2001

Thanks for all the comments, i won't be seeing her for about three weeks.
I can't see anyway that she will expose her finances in a SOA.
I really feel for her, because she's doing this alone, at least whilst i took charge of our situation, hubby was with me 100%
I'm just going to stand back and be a friend and offer advise when she needs it.
Last time we spoke she was going to see a mortgage broker...

Deeperblue

riverboat2001 wrote: »

I feel awful for them and suggested the CCCS but the reply was BF won't have anyone telling him what he could or couldn't afford to spend.

What an aweful situation. Sadly I agree with tbourner, I don't think he'll stick around when that amount of debt comes crashing down. Your friend sounds like quite a meek person, but honestly, I think she needs to talk to her husband and say 'look, we sort this out now before it gets worse or I'm leaving'.

chesky369

Even more to the point, is he her husband or boyfriend - it makes a huge difference when, as seems inevitable, the sh... hits the fan and he does a runner.