In a mess :(

HalfPint

Hi,

After another sleepless night, I've finally plucked up the courage to post here. I'm in a right royal mess for the 2nd time in my life. I can't believe I've done it again! I need some help and advice, and probably a good kick up the u know wotsit.

Background info - Divorced mum of 3 with partner of nearly 4 years. Debt contributed to divorce (thought wasn't the main reason) and I ended up with 10k debt and very bad credit rating. When house sold, used money to pay off debt

Present - new partner had debt when I met him, but has rocketed since then. It's all in his name which I feel awful about. Basically we are struggling to make ends meet and have fallen into the trap of using credit card to survive. We have cut this down significantly but we are still putting about 50quid a month on a card.

Rough figures are card 1 £10500, card 2 £2000, Card 3 £6000. We haven't yet defaulted on our repayments of these but are getting nowhere near making an impact. Have tried the switching but it has seemed to work for us (maybe not disciplined enough) There are a couple of loans but we pay these fine, one was for the car £5000, the other ends next year I think. Its the cards Im worried about, it costing serious amounts in interest!

OH wants to get a secured loan to consolidate...im totally against this but feeling completely defeated now and thinking about agreeing to it, purely to save his credit rating and take away the constant card bills. I can't seem to get organised about anything at the moment. I have an 8 month old son, and working, have 2 other kids to look after plus a step-son who visits and guess Im just at the end of my rope. I;ve been up since 4am yet again OH doesn't know how worried I am cause he'll just say "I'm getting the loan" and be done with it. He won't talk to CAB about it and is 100% positive a secured loan will sort it out.

We also owe tax credits nearly £2500, disputed it cause they lost our form but we still have to pay it back and have no idea how to.

I guess I don't know which way is best, try and persuade him to go down the DMP route or consolidate - he says he's consolidated before and it worked for him as he was strict about paying it and not borrowing more.

Thanks for listening to me...feel a bit better for getting it off my chest.

xx

Headintheclouds_3

Hi HalfPint and welcome! One of the experts will be along later but it might help to post a Statement of affairs (see southernscouser's sticky thread at the top of the forum) in the meantime, detailing your income and outgoings.

Good luck!

Molanole

Hi there and welcome to the DFW board :hello:

First of all, take a deep breath and don't panic. Take a bit of time to browse through the threads and you'll quickly realise that you are not alone in this.

Head in the clouds is spot on. You need to objectively look at all of your incomings and outgoings and then list your Statement of Affairs (SOA) on here. Southern Scousers sticky for first time posters (click here) will give you a heads up on how to do this. Also well worth a look is Martin's budgeting spreadsheet as it lists just about every type of outgoing expenditure you can think of, just in case you miss some bits out.

Once your SOA is up on here the experts will be able to recommend areas where you can make savings and cut back and how to prioritise your debt payments. It requires a bit of work, yes and requires you to be brutally honest with yourself but think of it this way, once you've had your lightbulb moment the only way is up and you will never feel as low as you do now again. It's baby steps all the way but each one is progress. From shaving £2 off your weekly shop to paying off that first debt it's all achievements to be proud of.

HalfPint wrote:

I guess I don't know which way is best, try and persuade him to go down the DMP route or consolidate - he says he's consolidated before and it worked for him as he was strict about paying it and not borrowing more.

This says it all for me I'm afraid. Please do not go down the secured loan route in this case. Your partner says consolidation worked for him and yet here you are stressing about the increase in your joint debts. Not an indicator that the consolidation worked in my book but I may be judging too quickly. Too many of us on here fell into the consolidation trap time and time and time again. Most people on here - me included - will say that it was only when they broke that cycle (by being on here and doing the above SOA and stuff) that they were able to see real progress.

Also, you may not need to go down the DMP route once you have posted your SOA and we've been able to give you advice. You say you are managing to meet the monthly repayments at the moment (even if it is tight) and by cutting back in a few choice places (following the advice you wil get on here) you should feel the tightness loosen a little.

Perhaps by taking your time on this board and coming up with a plan, showing your boyfriend that you can both proactively sort out your debts you might encourage him not to go down the secured loan route.

Phew! That was a long post! Perhaps I'm feeling wordy today. Watch out at work people I feel some long emails coming on!!! :rotfl:

Best of luck with it all. I wish you all the success in the world and will be looking out for that SOA!

immoral_angeluk

HalfPint wrote:

Hi,

After another sleepless night, I've finally plucked up the courage to post here. I'm in a right royal mess for the 2nd time in my life. I can't believe I've done it again! I need some help and advice, and probably a good kick up the u know wotsit.

Background info - Divorced mum of 3 with partner of nearly 4 years. Debt contributed to divorce (thought wasn't the main reason) and I ended up with 10k debt and very bad credit rating. When house sold, used money to pay off debt

Present - new partner had debt when I met him, but has rocketed since then. It's all in his name which I feel awful about. Basically we are struggling to make ends meet and have fallen into the trap of using credit card to survive. We have cut this down significantly but we are still putting about 50quid a month on a card.

Rough figures are card 1 £10500, card 2 £2000, Card 3 £6000. We haven't yet defaulted on our repayments of these but are getting nowhere near making an impact. Have tried the switching but it has seemed to work for us (maybe not disciplined enough) There are a couple of loans but we pay these fine, one was for the car £5000, the other ends next year I think. Its the cards Im worried about, it costing serious amounts in interest!

OH wants to get a secured loan to consolidate...im totally against this but feeling completely defeated now and thinking about agreeing to it, purely to save his credit rating and take away the constant card bills. I can't seem to get organised about anything at the moment. I have an 8 month old son, and working, have 2 other kids to look after plus a step-son who visits and guess Im just at the end of my rope. I;ve been up since 4am yet again OH doesn't know how worried I am cause he'll just say "I'm getting the loan" and be done with it. He won't talk to CAB about it and is 100% positive a secured loan will sort it out.

We also owe tax credits nearly £2500, disputed it cause they lost our form but we still have to pay it back and have no idea how to.

I guess I don't know which way is best, try and persuade him to go down the DMP route or consolidate - he says he's consolidated before and it worked for him as he was strict about paying it and not borrowing more.

Thanks for listening to me...feel a bit better for getting it off my chest.

xx

He's kind of contradicted himself there hasn't he. If he's consolidated before and was strict about not borrowing more how on earth did he end up with so much debt again?? My feelings are if he was to consolidate again the same thing would happen again a few years down the line as it'll be a case of 'Oh it's ok we've only got the one debt now we can get a card to pay for xxx because we've got more spare money every month!'. And so begins the viscous consolidation circle.

SunderlandBlackCat

Molanole wrote:

Your partner says consolidation worked for him and yet here you are stressing about the increase in your joint debts. Not an indicator that the consolidation worked in my book but I may be judging too quickly. Too many of us on here fell into the consolidation trap time and time and time again. Most people on here - me included - will say that it was only when they broke that cycle (by being on here and doing the above SOA and stuff) that they were able to see real progress.

This was definitely the case with me. Tried it twice & short term it worked but didn't stop the root cause so ended up back in the same boat. Tackling it head on has been the only thing thats worked for me.

HalfPint

Thanks guys,

I'm feeling happier:), was very low at 4am this morning:o . I've been out, walked the kids to school, had a good think, I'm taking your advice. Guess this is my light bulb moment. Over the next few days I'm going to take stock of everything and do a SOA.

Melanole - Thanks for the sticky, I've read it and have now got a starting point.

You have all reinforced my opinion about cosolidation, just need to convince OH now.

Thank you so very much - will keep you up to date and post a SOA as soon as I can.

Laura x

D&DD

Hi Halfpint You've done the hardest thing now by acknowledging theres a problem.We'll help you all we can.It does take a little while to get things all sorted but ask any questions if you need help.There are people here who have been in every situation and then some!! I hold my hand up to the consolidation thingy...twice :eek: but hope that by adding my story on here I can stop others falling into the same trap.Best of luck with your debtfree journey you WILL get there

anniestar

Hi just wanted to say welcome and good luck. You will get loads of support help and advice on here. Am far from being an expert but please think very carefully with regard to the consolidation route.There are loads of posts om here that tell stories of people getting deeped into debt as a result of taking such action.Whatever you decide keep posting, I also had a lot of sleepless nights and feelings of isolation before I found this lifesaver. Good luck and try not to worry too much.

tomstickland

Whatever route you take, the key is to have information available so you can see what's happening. When I was clearing debt then I logged onto all of my accounts every day and kept a log showing date and total amount owed.

If your OH consolidates but the spending continues then it will only be a matter of time before you're back where you started.

Get to work on the SOA too; you'll probably be amazed at how quickly £10 here and £10 there adds up to a few hundred per month.

redsetter03

Hello!
Welcome to the forum.....everyone is brilliant here, and you will get great advice.
Stay strong!

redsetterx

HalfPint

Done most of the SOA, well the relatively easy bits anyway.

Just when I went to add up all the food and odds n sods, my printer gave up the ghost! (was trying to print my bank statements out so I could add it all up without being timed out!)

Will get my OH to get the details re credit cards and loans etc.

it's looking scary as to where our money goes every month and how much we owe but feeling positive about dealing with this now - hope it stays that way.

Laura x