Advice for my 24yr old son please

daveboy

David_Brent wrote:

Daveboy - you have a rather harsh way of looking at life! When it is a family member in need of help, I will always put myself out to help them to the best of my ability and if it involves finance so be it. We all learn from our mistakes and deserve a 2nd chance, no need to be made an example of.

I would never dream of asking my family for financial help. I have got myself into a position in the past where I've been in debt to £9k or so and been on the edge of paying more out than is coming in. I never once mentioned it to any member of my family, I sorted it out myself.

As for the 24 year old with no insurance in another post - I passed my test at a test centre in Leicester in 2001, have 4 years no claims and am currently insured with Dial Direct.

Not all 24 year olds break the law.

Walletwatch

Daveboy

I have been reading this chain of posts with interest, and frankly, while you may be a perfect 24-year old, I don't see how this is relevant to the original query. So you, as a principle don't lean on your family financially, and have a good insurance record - good on you, and wish you the best in the years to come.

However, this chain is not about how to be perfect at 24, nor is it a crusade against all twenty-four year olds, for you to defend them. I have to agree with David Brent here - everyone deserves a second chance, especially someone who's been through everything the OP's son has.

Finally, let us not forget that this post is from a parent of a 24-year old, asking for helpful suggestions for their ward, and not from the 24-year old himself. One needs to appreciate this while responding to such a post.

mussgo

Irishrover wrote:

. He is very depressed and in dispair.
Grateful for any advice please.

I suggest accompanying your son ( as you would a friend) to the CAB, the bank or what ever. If he is depressed it could be easier to ignore than tackle fulll on! Your son deserves a break he was dealt a bad hand .... I am sure with your help he will pick up the pieces.


M

Fran

It sounds as if your son has got the depression because of these incidents Perhaps he shouldn't be thinking about next year going to Uni, but should move out of the bedsit to somewhere else and allow himself space to recover. Some people take longer than others to get over traumatic experiences. If he has depression I think it's unlikely that he would be able to hold down a job expecially as he is already having problems getting to college. I wouldn't think you getting a loan is a good idea, though cash help might be, you don't want to get yourself into paying out extra money. If you can't go with him to CAB or he won't go, there's nothing to stop you going and asking for yourself what you can do to help and describing his situation. He might be able to phone CAB if he can't face going into a bureau. He might also have people at college that can help - don't colleges have "pastsoral" or whatever help with named people that they can talk to? He needs to speak to someone like this at college, because if he just doesn't turn up to things he will end up being thrown off the course and in an even worse situation. Good Luck.

SnowyOwl_2

Daveboy, good for you I am sure Irishrover and his son are very happy for you. I am not sure if you have actually added anything to this discussion or provided useful information to help the original poster, but all the same well done for managing yourself so admirably and for being so independent.

Irishrover - as your son is experiencing depression and despair then it is necessary to get this sorted out as well, possibly more urgently than the financial situation. His college should also have trained counsellors available to its students. His GP should be able to organise some counselling and be able to immediately assess if a course of anti-depressants would help or perhaps some more specialist psychological assistant may be available. He will find all other problems more manageable if he can get his frame of mind sorted out.

Bluelady_2

Irishrover - I totally understand your wish to help your son. I assume the loan he's taken out is for a fixed term, in which case the interest will have been calcuated at the beginning and rolled up in the loan. If you take another loan to pay it off now, you'll effectively be paying the interest twice.

The most cost effective way of helping him would be to make the monthly payments for him until he can afford them again. Incidentally, if he has payment protection on the loan, shouldn't this be paying out? It's worth a try.

Irishrover

Thanks BlueLady and everyone, He did not have payment protection on the load.
I will offer all the advice to him and think it is a good idea to speak to the college counselling service.
It is also right to sort out his depression before the finances, he said he can see no point in going on, says he can see no future for himself.
I am frightened for him. I know he does not owe a huge amount of money but it is a lot when you have nothing. thanks again for all your help.
(by the way I am his Mum , his Dad won't help at all)

Irishrover

My son cannot return home to live with me as he lives in Dorset and wants to try and finish his College course. He cannot work to pay off the debt, as the college is a full time Art course. Also he is struggling with a severe depression he is breaking down crying throughout the day and is finding it difficult to sort out his finances or think clearly. He is on anti depressants.
Not sure what way to deal with this.

Fran

Irishrover,

He has obviously told you about the situation (rather than telling you everything's fine or not saying anything) - could you go to visit him if he can't get home? You don't say how far away he is - can he come and stay with you for a couple of days or so? Perhaps ask him about his anti-depressants - how long has he been taking them etc. and maybe he needs different ones - or none at all? Is he seeing his doctor? He will need doctor's letter for the college if he is not attending regularly as well.

Does he live on his own? Can he get counselling? (Ask college/ doctor.)

Re the college course - he must get advice from people at college because they are the ones who will pass him or not on his course. He needs to speak to the support person there and someone who teaches the course, otherwise he will end up with no course. If he's already not attending (you said he finds it hard to get to college), he might already be heading that way. It sounds like he should be asking the college what he has to do to either pass his present course with minimum attendance if he cannot face full time, or delay his course without losing his place (be assessed at a later date?). The college ought to be sympathetic to him as this won't be the first time someone has depression and struggles to finish the course. Perhaps you could speak to the college if he gives you permission, as the chances are that if he can't think straight (medication?, depression?) that he won't be able to handle that side of things either.

Overall it sounds like a reaction to things that have happened to him in the past and he needs time to get over it. (My opinion, which is not as a professional.)

Sorry have gone off topic of the financial side, but I think getting him on an even keel is priority in order that he can handle things in the future.

Let us know how you get on.

SnowyOwl_2

Irishrover, I agree with Fran wholeheartedly. The college really doesn't want any of its students to be going through hardship after all it reflects v.badly on them if they can't look after their own. They will be interested in his welfare and interested in getting him a good pass at the end of the course.

If your son needs to come home to and continue his studies then could he not transfer to a college close by? Perhaps this is something that could be negotiated? It would certainly help him to have the strength and support of his family around him (I take it that the rest of the family is in Bristol or London or somewhere else too far to travel to every day).

In the event that he doesn't manage to succeed this year, or if his college thinks it is unlikely I should imagine he has potentially the right to ask to be excused from the course on medical grounds. He's going through so much stress, and the stress of exams, assignments, just plain showing up etc etc isn't exactly helpful when he is so low. If he can get the time off between now and Sept/Oct he could get his emotions sorted out, get onto a course in Dorset starting Oct, live at home with you and in the meantime work in Sainsbury's or an off licence or do a tourist orientated summer job? The worst that this scenario means is that he postpones going to university by one year. That isn't that big a deal is it? It should relieve a bit of pressure from him for a while and let him get himself sorted financially and emotionally and able to restart his education with a clear and focussed mind.

Keep in touch Irishrover, I hope this gets sorted out soon.