Advice please - Christmas present dilema.

serenawell

Hi All

I could really do with some advice please.

I recently got married,in May '10, been together (officially) 3 years.
Both me and OH were married to other people when we met, now things/time had passed we both have very good relationships with respective Exs.

The problem I have is with one of OHs brothers.

BIL refused to come to the wedding, which was absolutley fine with me, as it saved us over £400 (BIL + wife + 2 kids) But OH and BIL have spoken since to say they will sort out their issues.

So i get to my point, OH arrived on xmas eve with a wicker hamper filled with usual goodies, wine biscuits choccies jam ect from said BIL, immediatley gets my mind going. Im very suspicious and as BIL is a bank manager I immediatly think "its a gift hes been given at work and is palming off to us" OHs family all do lists, which they send round to each other, we had all 4 lists from them before xmas.

We get to Boxing Day. I was meant to work all day but because of the weather, I got the day off. OHs other brother invited us round to their house to do pressies and all that stuff. We arrive , everything is fine, MIL,FIL, BIL, SIL Auntie and Uncle and small children all there. We then get told, other BIL + family is parked round the corner in their car refusing to come in the house while we were there !!!!!

I dont have a problem with them at all, if he doesnt like me then I can live with that. We werent even meant to be there as it was an unexpected day off, so I was quite happy to leave.

My problem is , why bother with all this present buisness. We have enough presents to buy without buying for people who cant even be in the same room as us/me. Ive said to OH i have no problem getting the pressies for the nephews as they dont need to be dragged into any disputes.And they didnt even bother looking at our lists, and if my suspicions are correct it was a freebie anyway (great MS idea though )

I want to return the said hamper, and say thanks but no thanks. OH just wants to keep the peace and say nothing.

Any ideas/advice is more than welcome, and thanks for sticking with me.

Happy New Year to All :beer:

midnightraven3

i can understand why you wish to return the hamper
but it would just give them fuel

keep it, or give it to someone else who will make good use of it (an elderly neighbour perhaps)

if they are so petty to sit in their car, let them
buy the nephews gifts
send them a thank you card for the hamper and leave it at that

hmmmmm, i used to wish i wasnt an only child
once i married a man with siblings, that all changed!:rotfl:

whitewing

Keep the hamper. It's still a good gift even if they didn't buy it (and it still has a value after all). Let OH write the Thank you card.

Buy the nephews presents.

pinkmami

As the others have said. Keep the hamper (and enjoy it!!) and just buy the kids presents. They probably don't know how silly their dad is.

I'd also be questioning his gift of a hamper too...!!

Raini

Me being me I would just ask them out right what the problem is, and say that I was confused at receiving a thoughtful gift from someone that can't be in the same room as me? I wouldn't be buying for the kids unless I had already set the precedent. But then I can't stand a bad atmosphere and would rather it all out in the open. Good luck!

jcr16

how very bizarre.

did the other family members really let you go so the bil could come in ?

if it was my house i would of said no one is leaving because of someone else. i would of gone out to bil car and said they are here, if you don't wanna come in then done, but if you do, your more than welcome.

serenawell

jcr16 wrote: »

how very bizarre.

did the other family members really let you go so the bil could come in ?

if it was my house i would of said no one is leaving because of someone else. i would of gone out to bil car and said they are here, if you don't wanna come in then done, but if you do, your more than welcome.

TBH this really didnt bother me as BIL was invited before us , and as we werent really meant to be there , only got invited 2 hours before when my work got cancelled.



It really is the present issue, why buy/give a gift to someone you dont even like ??