Desperate for advice - OTT Xmas present

Cookiepops

I have been drifting away froma friend over the last year. We used to spend loads of time together but she now has a boyf with family and a new job where she travels a lot. Very happy for her, we just dont see much of each other at all any more. Anyway when it came to start buying Xmas presents, I told her I was cutting back. I used to buy for her and her Mum but as she has boyf and family now, I couldn't afford to buy them all and I felt a hypocrite that it was agreed with my aunts and uncles we would no longer buy for each other as we hardly see each other and I hardly see her or her family any more. So I suggested we just buy each other a small gift. She seemed hurt so I said I would still buy presents but only small things.
Anyway I opened my present from them this morning and its an all expenses paid theatre trip to London! I just don't know what to say to her and am worried she will expect me to call her to thank her today. I really can't accept this (I don't think she has actually bought it yet as we have to specify dates). I did spoil her a bit and got her theatre tickets earlier in the year but this was for a special birthday.

Any advice please, its going to be weighing on my mind all day

HEBRIDIAN

If the tickets are for 2 then phone up and ask her when she can join you and go to theater together.
If for 1 person then accept it as she obviously values you as a friend and it would be churlish to refuse.

HEBRIDIAN

If tickets are for 2 then invite her out with you so you can catch up.
If only for 1 then accept it in x-mas spirit as it would be churlish to refuse

Mrs_Bones

If it's one of them experience things then she probly has allready paid / brought them, it's just the dates you need to confirm. In this case it could be awkard in refusing to accept them as she may lose money. I think Hebrdian has the best idea with suggesting the pair of you go together if it's tickets for two.

I can understand how your feeling, since having to finish work I can't affort the things I could before but some friends just don't understand when you have a change in circumstances. I can only suggest that you keep to things how you agreed them and continue to buy small gifts from your side and eventually she will hopefully get the message, most of my friends did, I lost a couple but then if a value of gift is more important than the friendship, it probly wasn't a great one anyway. She may well be hurt but it's pointless trying to get each other equivelant vaule gifts if you can't afford it, you will just end up feeling resentful and stressed because of the money issue.

Hopefully, if a good friend she will understand and it could be that she does understand the money issue but if financially ok herself it may not seem a big deal and she justs simply wants to give you a big lovely treat because she values your friendship and while the amount is alot for you at the moment it isn't for her. I have one friend like this and as we'd always brought each other equal value of gifts I felt so guilty when I couldn't match what she was buying but then I realised it was my pride as well that was hurt, my friend really didn't mean any offence to me and it was tough but I now accept that she still gives lovely gifts because she wants to, not to make me feel guilty but because she's my friend and she accepts the token gifts I've given her with equally grace. In an odd way our friendship has grown stronger.

Cookiepops

hi, the gift was addressed to me and my H so I can't ask her to go. Also, it wasn't clear from my previous post but its not just tickets, its a full London weekend inclusing hotel and travel. It would have been nice if it had been something we could have done together because she was have recognised too that we hadn't been spending much time together (though obvously not something that expensive). I wouldnt have so much of a problem with it if they were well off but they're not. Her OH seems to influence her spending all the time and I have told her I am worried so now it kind of feels like Im buying into it.

Mrs_Bones

lisajh29 wrote: »

hi, the gift was addressed to me and my H so I can't ask her to go. Also, it wasn't clear from my previous post but its not just tickets, its a full London weekend inclusing hotel and travel. It would have been nice if it had been something we could have done together because she was have recognised too that we hadn't been spending much time together (though obvously not something that expensive). I wouldnt have so much of a problem with it if they were well off but they're not. Her OH seems to influence her spending all the time and I have told her I am worried so now it kind of feels like Im buying into it.

Aww I guess thats kind of different if they are not well of themselves and it's such a lavish gift I guess it's a time to use all your diplomacy skills and explain how greatfull you are for such a wonderful gift but your conscience just won't let you except them as you know she is in a similiar finacial situation to yourself and it so much more then you had both agreed to give each other this year. Offer them back to her so she and her BF can enjoy the trip, or if she refuses them, you could suggest raffling them off for a favourite charity maybe.

bigmomma051204

I would say that your other half can't make any of the dates available or maybe that he won't appreciate the trip cos he hates musicals or sommat.... then invite her! Tell her u need a girly time away etc....

Cookiepops

Hi, OH does want to see them and she even checked with him beforehand (though he said he really tried to put her off by saying it was too much - although he thought this was only tickets and not an entire weekend). She knows that I did really want to do this weekend away but I had intended to buy it for me and H for our wedding anniversary (and I had told her this) - hence, another reason why it seems inappropriate.
Im sure she hasn't bought it yet, it was like a computer printout IOU which she says she will arrange it when I give her the dates.
I think I am just going to have to be as diplomatic as possible and explain that although its an incredibly thoughtful and generous gift, I was intending to do this weekend for our wedding anniversary and therefore it would not be appropriate for it to be a present from a friend and could she not organise a girly day for me and her instead as we have not been able to spend much time together in the last couple of years. Im only worried about explaining this because when I had a chat to her previously about cutting back on the presents, which I thought made perfect sense, she was really hurt about it and so I felt pressured into buying gifts after all.