How can I tactfully tell my uncle I don't want him to give me away?

karen_newcastle

Icey77 wrote: »

Well, to update ...

I called my Uncle yesterday. Overall it wasn't a great call but I wasn't expecting it to be ...

First he wasn't exactly quick with the congratulations, it took several minutes before there was a grudging congrats.

Secondly he complained that March will be cold in London, too bad - not much I can do about that.

I took the suggested approach of saying all the "so much to arrange, I've asked a good friend of Dad's to give me away yadda yadda yadda". There was a distinct change in his tone after that which makes me (and my Mum who was there) think he was assumming he would give me away.

He then asked where he could stay. My mum has my gran staying so I had run it by my sister and BIL. They offered their second bedroom for the weekend. But they will be having work starting on that room the monday after the wedding. I tried to be clear about what was on offer without making it sound like a "like it or lump it" thing.

Then he stated he would bring one of his girlfriends with him and I was horrified! It simply didn't occur to me that he would assume to bring a girlfriend that I've or any of my family not met before.

I had to tell him I hadn't even thought about that, I was really sorry but I simply didn't have enough room in the formal lunch following the wedding for an additional guest.

Overall he's clearly not impressed but as I rarely hear from him and haven't seen him in the last 5+ years I don't feel too bothered. As my sister pointed out - it's my wedding and my job is to have the day I want not the day that everyone else wants (within reason obviously!)

Thanks for listening to me rant!

IC :beer:

Well done, that must have been a difficult call and I bet you are happy you've got past it now.

It's a shame you couldn't find room for his partner, just as a sweetener for not giving you away?

Icey77

karen_newcastle wrote: »

Well done, that must have been a difficult call and I bet you are happy you've got past it now.

It's a shame you couldn't find room for his partner, just as a sweetener for not giving you away?

I don't want to give him the oppotunity to take over the whole affair, which he is likely to do

I was ticked off that he assumed he would give me away, I was ticked off that he complained that March is going to be cold, I was ticked off that he assumed he could stay with me (!!!) and my sister has only got the weekend to offer him somewhere to stay, I was ticked off that he assummed he could bring his girlfiend - whom no one has met before ...

... and then HE gets pee'd off at me :mad::mad:

Aggghhh, he will be invited but TBH I wouldn't be too bothered if he decides not to make it. It sounds harsh but I will be on tenderhooks that he'll try to take over when in reality he is a non-immediate family member who is being invited because he's family.

rant rant rant rant

ERICS_MUM

LEJC wrote: »

well at least you now know where you stand with your uncle...if you want to be polite and maintain contact regarding the wedding you could send him an invitation but with no mention of +1.That way he cant say that he is being excluded from the celebrations...If it were me I would also include a list of reasonably priced hotels in your area eg travelodge,HI express..together with their website details should he wish to book a room.The chances are that he wont bother attending the wedding but he wont be able to say its because he wasn't invited...

Don't forget to send him a copy of your gift list !

katerinasol

Good on you for standing your ground and not giving in to him though! If he's never around, I don't see how he would expect to give you away really, just because he is officially related doesn't mean he has done much in practice.

Magicboo

What's the old adage...
You can choose your friends, but you can't choose your relatives?!

Icey77

Update ... he has decided that March in London will be too cold for him so he won't be coming.

As much as I don't want him taking over the event and being a pain I also feel a little bad that he won't be coming. I know it's for the better all round, my Mum always says that wedding and funerals bring out the worst in people and it could have ended up being really messy and with a lot of ill feeling.

Roll on 19th March ... 11 weeks on Saturday :eek::D

aarchk

Glad its sorted, dont feel bad, it sounds as if you wouldnt have been able to relax with him there. Your mum is right, weddings do bring out the best and worst in people!

Mrs_Moore_To_Be

aarchk wrote: »

Glad its sorted, dont feel bad, it sounds as if you wouldnt have been able to relax with him there. Your mum is right, weddings do bring out the best and worst in people!

Doesnt it just!! :rotfl:

Glad you got it sorted